Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Hiei's (Attempt at) Revenge ❯ Brooms ( Chapter 3 )

Hiei hummed 'Death to the Usurper' happily to himself - he had just made it up, (Don't ask for any lyrics.) and thought about shooting a certain authoress with his spiffy new shotgun. But lo and behold, the stupid author was saved by a randomly placed person in Hiei's way, namely Kurama.

He grinned down at him like he was hiding a secret - he even did a little wave - and said, "Konneechewa!"

"... You're chewing on what?" Hiei's eyes then narrowed, and he backed away a few feet, "Wait a minute ... You're using bad Japanese!" He pointed in horror at him, "We're supposed to be speaking in English in this fic except for words like 'hanyou' and 'youkai!'"

"... Yokai?"

"Grah!" Hiei was about to go around the idiot.

"Ne, Hi-chan, don't go!"

"'Hi-chan!?'" He cried out, and pulled out his gun, aiming for the head. "... Shit! I don't remember if out-of-character people are just clones or not!"

Kurama gasped, backing away, "Hi - Hiei-chan, what are you doing? Don't ... Don't you care about me anymore???/?????/?///?//?"

"... Actually, I don't care if you're a clone or not. If you really are Kurama, you'll thank me for this later," he aimed at the out-of-character Kurama's leg, pulled the trigger, and then remembered that he had used up all of his bullets on that Sue and a few pigeons for lunch.

He threw the gun in Kurama's face, and ran in the other direction.

Only to find himself face-to-face with ... a small horde (How can hordes be small?) of women. The majority of them were holding picket signs:

<3 KxHxK <3

I <3 Kurama

I LOVE HI-CHAN

I Love Youko!

I <3 Seme Kurama

Forever HxK!!!

Hiei felt sick, and was about to back away, but he bumped into another body. Looking up, he saw Kurama looking down.

"Hiei-koi ... I ... I l-!"

He thrust his fist into Kurama's chin, and leapt over his body when he fell over, tearing holes through the pavement in his effort to escape.

"What the hell is going on today!?" The poor Jaganshi raged as - somehow - the women with their picket signs were able to chase after him, capable of carrying Kurama and keep up with the Hi Youkai. It started out as a normal day! But ... but then, Kurama told me to go read those stories ...... The stories! They're to blame! They must be! I don't know how or why, but they're to blame for this whole mess!

Turning a corner, he searched his mind for a way to beat them all. However, it seemed that they had a whole army at their disposal. Hiei tried to remember just how these Sues, reader, and authors worked.

Readers and authors seemed to congregate in large groups - like the group behind him - and they roughly enjoyed the same aspects of whatever they were reading. Thus, they usually made friends amongst themselves, and defended one another in a crisis, such as those flames.

Hiei suddenly smirked at the thought of flames - criticism and otherwise. Unfortunately, most of those girls behind him looked and smelled like humans, so he probably wouldn't receive a warm welcome the next time he saw Koenma. It appeared as if they just needed a very powerful wake-up call anyway.

Back in action, Hiei jumped up to the side of a building, landing precariously on a windowledge. Taking out his katana, he sliced through some lines holding aloft drying clothes, and summoned his youki, transforming all falling debris into white-hot flaming balls. (Heh, flaming ...) Pleased with their screams, he traveled further down the road by windowsills before dropping to the empty road to walk.

He looked up, and proclaimed victoriously, "I'm winning, you stupid author! You hear me?"

(Why are you looking up?)

"What do you mean?" Hiei asked, but the author either didn't answer or ignored him. With a grimace, he continued walking.

Hiei saw the next batch of authors and readers before they reached him, and he quickly changed direction before they could recognize him.

This happened so many times throughout his trip, Hiei just decided to use his speed to avoid the most of them. Otherwise, he found new ways to use stoplights on the youkai and hanyou half of them. And that was almost as good as evading them.

"Why are you here again?" Genkai pressed the B button, and killed another zombie on the TV screen.

Incapable of playing video games - Genkai had told him off for slicing her TV in half - Hiei was sitting to the side, watching, "Escaping horrid drones."

"Been there, done that," she won the game, and then shut the console off. "So, have you seen Yukina today?"

"No ... why?"

"She went out to sweep the steps in the garden, but never came back in," picking up her teacup, Genkai sipped from it. "I skipped lunch because of her."

"Wait, you knew of her being gone, but you never went to check on her!? Why aren't you watching her properly?" He almost rose, but the old woman held up her hand in a halting gesture.

"Calm down, she's a big girl."

"You - ! ... You know what she is to me, hag," he said, "so why aren't you keeping an eye on her?"

"Like I said, she's a big girl. Yukina doesn't need you to wait on her hand and foot."

Hiei smirked, "No ... no, she doesn't. That's your purpose."

She sighed, "If you're really that worried about her, then go see what's going on out there."

Muttering to himself about the incompetence of crazy, old women, Hiei went out to the garden, took a glance around, and then sighed in relief. Yukina was still calmly sweeping the steps, head bent down. He watched her for a while, content to know that she was perfectly fine, and safe.

However, other than Yukina's arms, she didn't move. She didn't shift from one step to the next, but stayed on one step, chronically sweeping with her broom which was barely holding on to its last few straws.

Anxious beyond belief, he said, "Yukina ...?"

She looked up, smiled, and said, "Hello, Hiei-san. Genkai-shihan's inside." She went back to sweeping ... in the exact same spot!

"Ah, no! No! I came here to see you, Yukina."

His sister looked confused momentarily, glancing up at him, "But ... I'm sweeping."

"Yes," he said, slowly approaching her, "yes, you are, but don't you think it'd be nice to come inside? ... I came to see you after all. Not just to escape from a bunch of moronic drones."

Lost, Yukina looked down at her hands which were wrapped firmly around the staff of the broom, "But ..."

"Inside," he gently insisted, and he led her away from the steps, but he was unable to detach her hands from the broom.

Upon stepping inside, Yukina's eyes brightened, and she smiled, "I think I'll go sweep the steps."

"No!" Hiei grabbed her shoulders, and pushed her toward the living room where Genkai was, "Let's stay inside, Yukina. Make me some of those ... uh ... octopus dogs! Those little octopus things you make out of hotdogs."

"Oh! Okay, Hiei-san."

"Good," he relaxed visibly. "Now, give me that broom."

"... But I can't sweep without it."

Abruptly, Hiei knew that Yukina had somehow been affected too - But there's no internet up here! ... Or a computer for that matter! Whenever she was spotted in those stories, she was sweeping out on the steps.

"You're making me octopus dogs, Yukina."

"Oh, yes, of course," confusion flashed over her eyes, and Hiei understood that she was trying to fight her way back into her usual old self, but she would need some time to do so.

"Hiei," Genkai called from the living room, and after a short pause, Hiei went to her. "Look at the TV."

He did so, and there was a reporter talking, "-seems to be no end to the strange beings that keep being tranfered to our schools. Several of our students have already been attacked by these new tranfer students. On a completely bizzare note, all of the new students appear to be called Mary-"

The pink-haired woman turned the TV off, and then stared at Hiei, "You were reading those stories online, weren't you?"

"How'd you-?"

"I have wards in my temple, Hiei. Very powerful. Very resilient. I haven't been affected as badly, but since Yukina stepped outside ..."

Hiei grabbed fistfuls of the front of Genkai's shirt, "Tell me! Tell me what's going on! How can I change her back to how she used to be!?"

She brushed away his hands, "You read those stories - those fan fics, and, I think, because of your Jagan, the stories were unable to influence you. You saw through all of the piss-poor stories, and beliefs. The stories must have gotten frustrated or something, but now they're all sending out their minions to distort our world. Surely, you must have noticed them."

"The readers-slash-fangirls, and quite a few Mary Sues ... and ... the others are acting strangely. Are those clones?"

"Unfortunately not. Theirs minds must have been addled by whatever waves the stories are giving off. Your Jagan is warding you like my wards are doing for me. If I were to step outside, I'm sure that I would be affected too."

"What can I do? I ..." he sounded desperate then, "I just can't leave Yukina like this."

Genkai scrutinized him, "... You left those fics with a purpose, didn't you? That must be really why they're acting up."

"Yes! I did! PERSON THAT I LOVE is being flamed as we speak! I can't let those damned readers and reviewers do that to THIS PERSON!"

"... What?"

Hiei groaned, and covered his eyes, "I've been bleeped."

FanFiction is pissing me off by not letting me on, so those reader-dudes over there will have to wait until FanFiction let's me sign on! Blah ...

Next time! Hiei chases some Sues to their stronghold! But wait ... Hiei seems to have forgotten about something ... or someone!?