Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ If Roses Are Fair ❯ Make Me Promise (To Never Leave Home) ( Chapter 4 )

Disclaimer: I own nothing Yuu Yuu Hakusho related except for about seven tapes of English dubs, seven DVDs, and one wall scroll.

~Hiei~

"Oi, kitsune," Hiei said suddenly, opening his eyes. Kurama, who had been getting a head start on his weekend homework as Hiei meditated, started slightly and turned.

"Yes, Hiei?"

"When the rain lets up more," he began, pointing to the window, where the rain had already lightened considerably, "you want to go outside? Back to the park?"

Kurama tilted his head slightly and blinked. Back to the park?

"It's too cramped in here," Hiei explained, shifting uncomfortably on the bed. "Not enough space. I want to be able run if I feel like it."

Hiei knew this was an odd request, and Kurama's room had always been large enough for him in the past, but, truth be told, the smell of roses was getting to him, more than he let on. Everywhere, the aroma filled his senses, every way he turned, the acrid stench attacking him, and there was no escaping it. It made him dizzy, trying to avoid it. Aside from that, being outside and able to run gave him excellent opportunities for escape, should the conversation take a turn he didn't approve of.

"Alright," Kurama granted, a bit surprised at the request, but unwilling to question. Ulterior motives were Hiei's to know, not his.

Rather than flit off the bed and out the window in a black-tinted displacement of air, as Kurama expected he would, Hiei stood slowly and stretched, raising his arms above his head and even yawning. He walked, slightly bleary-eyed, to the window, sitting on the sill and looking out at the rain as it still beat lightly on the glass. In a wickedly forbidden way, it was kind of…pretty.

Raising an arm to the latch, he opened the window, but his movements were almost mechanical and thoughtless. Having taken these actions so many times before, it was true that he did not need to think, but his eyes were never so blank and weary, as they were now. Distracted, and confused, and just tired.

So tired…

Mentally exhausted…

* * * * *

~Kurama~

Kurama, too stood and stretched, watching Hiei gaze contemplatively out at the rain, now no more than a sporadic drizzle. A drizzle dripping lightly on his floor as it was carried in on the wind, but Kurama didn't really care about the floor. He didn't really care about much of anything but Hiei. Hiei and the abiding reminder that the Talk needed to be had.

Who would instigate it, though?

He didn't really care.

Opening his mouth to speak, about what, he didn't know, he promptly closed it again as Hiei left, leaping gracefully out the window down to the grasses and the bordering road below. He watched the little youkai walk in tight circles under "his" tree, stretching his legs and performing extremely basic punching and kicking moves in slow motion, with precise accuracy.

What had he said earlier? He wanted to be able to run if he felt like it… But what would make him feel like it? Would Kurama make Hiei want to run? To flee? Would this be so uncomfortable a situation that Hiei would leave of his own accord, off to wallow in his self-pity and utter misery in a cave somewhere?

The very thoughts sickened him, and Kurama walked slowly down the stairs, contemplating how to go about this discussion.

But what was left to believe in when he didn't care?

* * * * *

~Hiei~

Sideswipe…enemies on every side…

High jump kick…unobservant little foes…

Forward jab…sluggish muscle-bound opponents…

Roundhouse kick…quick adversaries of any size…

Carefully executing each move, he suppressed his speed to the point where he was almost standing still, his balance being strained to the utmost as he tried not to alter his stance or move his feet any more than absolutely necessary. He felt Kurama moving down the stairs, into the front hall, pausing to slip on his shoes, and heard him open the door. He too was being slow and deliberate, calculating each move to a pinpoint and doing no less than could be done to ensure even that which did not need ensuring.

Stupid kitsune.

But with affection.

Of course.

Silently and unnoticeably, he waited for the kitsune to approach, but was greeted with no such movement. Rather, Kurama walked directly from the front door down the walk, and into the street, apparently ignoring Hiei completely. Finishing the spinning punch he had been in the midst of performing, Hiei flit down the block, catching up to Kurama and walking beside him in perfect step.

"So glad you decided to join me," Kurama said.

Hiei, surprised at the dry humor, made no outward reaction but to toss a casual glance Kurama's way, eying him quickly to gain a preliminary sketch of his discomfort. It was not apparent. Kurama appeared to have taken on what could easily be called a Hiei-like mask, dispassionate and indifferent.

How Youko of him.

"As though I had a choice," Hiei responded evenly. He had, in fact, had a choice, he knew, but he wasn't about to give up a chance to, once and for all, sort out what he felt for Kurama, perhaps in a manner that would assure it would never return. "I won't let this opportunity slip," he amended, his tone flat and uncaring.

"Of course."

Neither will you, Hiei murmured to himself. It was clear he was just as eager to get this discussion done with, to sort out the feelings Hiei was having.

The feelings I was having… Why was he so willing to help me sort out my feelings? Just because they were for him?

Not likely - he was too experienced a casual lover for that. He would never do such things, spend, and possibly waste, his time for one want-to-be lover. Probably not even twenty. He could have anyone he wanted, and he didn't appear to particularly want Hiei.

Why did he want to help Hiei?

Was it a pity aid? That was disgraceful, especially for such a regal one as Youko, and Hiei did not suspect he would ever stoop so low. So it wasn't pity… Sympathizing? Could Youko have had a miserable childhood, and feel as though Hiei, whose life had been little more than pain, deserved no more? It was doubtful, as Kurama had never mentioned such a past, and was not the type to hide something so life-altering. Sorrow? But at what…?

Perhaps Kurama viewed Hiei as a valuable partner, and did not want to further break his already fragile spirit. That would not lead to such help, however; only to discounting and disregarding him.

No… Kurama saw something more in him. Kurama saw something he wanted to keep, not just a toy he would want as Youko, but something that lasted longer, something more…meaningful.

And then he realized.

Kurama wanted a friend.

Kurama wanted him to keep his spirit.

Kurama wanted to help him.

Because Kurama wanted a friend.

* * * * *

~Kurama~

"So…Hiei…"

"Hm?"

"…How are you feeling?"

Hiei gave him a sidelong glance and snorted. "You're pathetic, you know that?"

"Really, Hiei, I'm just trying to be cordial. How are you feeling?"

Shaking his head, Hiei sighed softly. It was time for the Talk, and they both knew it. Kurama knew that he didn't want to initiate it, but didn't want to force Hiei to do it in his place. Neither choice was a pleasant one, and neither choice would leave them both satisfied, but one needed to be decided on, and the Talk needed to be had.

* * * * *

~Hiei~

"Fine, kitsune," he answered shortly. "I'm feeling fine."

It was Kurama's turn to shake his head and sigh. The silence was a tense one, and filling it with blank chatter and meaningless questions was only a means to fill it with something. Something was better than nothing, but Hiei was not usually the talkative type, so the burden fell on Kurama to strike up conversation.

"Really, Hiei?"

"Yes, kitsune, I'm feeling fine."

No I'm not…

The unspoken comment was easy to identify, and easier to hate.

'You don't look fine to me.'

But I am fine.

…No I'm not…

Help me…

Kurama…