Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Inside ❯ Inside ( Chapter 1 )

This story is not for the weak. If you read it and don't like it the flames will come in handy it is winter after all. So you have been warned.

 

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Yu Yu Hakusho nor will I ever.

 

 

I sat there and watched the blood drip down my arm. Each drop bringing me back to reality. I was covered in blood and so were my bed sheets. My arm had a cut from my elbow to my wrist and it wasn't shallow either. Pain is my reality. The thoughts that have been going through my head lately have proven that fact to me. Before I was afraid to take a knife or just an object that could break the skin to my wrist, but after the first time I can't get enough of it. The first time I cut my self was in anger. I wanted to get back at everyone around me. Make them feel for me, attention I guess, or not. I didn't want attention at all actually. I just wanted more. More pain, to accompany my dark thoughts. The ones towards myself where I don't think twice about taking a knife to my arm. I wasn't an addict at first though. It started with my life, the one outside the reikai tentai. I was a straight A student. I was polite, nice to my parents, respected by many, and envied by everyone. I was never caught doing anything wrong; I was never blamed and always believed. I was perfect, in everyone else's eyes. I was fighting with my emotions all the time. Between what I wanted to say and do and what was the thing to say and do. Aim to please everyone but myself. That's how it was until now. I like the pain. I would even go as far to say I cannot live with out it. At first I was tempted and I wouldn't give in. I would sit there for hours on end with my head on my knees rocking back and forth muttering. I would mutter responses to myself, answering questions never asked, aloud that is. Everything I answer is being asked inside of me. Whether it is by me or perhaps a split persona I do not know. I just know it's there and it drove me to the brink and I broke it. The first thing I took to my arm was my nails, yes I know not the perfect weapon, but in my fury I needed anything that was sharp. I sat there and scratched till the skin was raw, bleeding and partially numb. It didn't matter to me that it was going to leave a scar. I welcomed it with open arms actually. To be able to remind my self of my past by something real physically. To be able to walk around with a dark secret that wasn't known. To have it torture me from the inside out, driving me insane.

 

I was on my way home like everyday although my emotions were a little heavier today. Lately at my home, I've been ignored, or ridiculed. I know that I should ignore it but it's hard, I hate to admit. It grates on your nerves and when it goes to far you snap. I don't let that happen. It's all my fault that it's happening in the first place. If I wasn't this way they wouldn't act like this towards me. If I was normal I could ignore it, but I can't how I am. Standing in the spot light. Transferring schools to continue my education, so think my parents. The only reason I am transferring to a better school is so I can get out of school faster and get out of my parents house faster. Lately I've been nice, well tried to be at least my emotions are driving me to the brink. I've been silent when I want to say something sadistic like `Be quiet all of you before I slit your throats' and that's just the lighter side of my thoughts. It sounds like something out of a bad horror scene. Although that's what I was thinking and that's what was playing through my mind. The thoughts come to me every now and then and they don't scare me, which in its self creeps me out. Today wasn't an exception either. I was sick of it and I was furious. I locked my self in my room and didn't even look for the knife under my bed, or the razors in my closet. I extended my nails and scratched as hard and as deep as I could. The tears rolling down my face. I didn't let my youki heal the wound either. I kept it as a reminder of what I am, of what this human life has made me become. A fool driven on his emotions. When you've lived as long as I have you realize that scars are the only things that prove you've liven. My philosophy now in days. Though that's how I ended up like this. I don't talk to the guys much anymore surely you can guess why. I'm assuming they don't care anyway so I suppose it is no one's lose. Ignored in two worlds and remembered faintly in one. I suppose it is my story now. Not even the kind boy that wanted to give his life for the safety of my mother's and mine remembers me any more. I'll live with that considering I do not have long to live in this world before I return to the makai as Youko and live my life the way I want for the rest of eternity. School is but an outlet. I go to pass the time. I have no real family there like I did with the reikai tentai. I suppose I will just have to live with that now.

 

“Shuichi someone is on the phone for you!” My mother yelled up the stairs. I quickly cover up my bed and threw a heavy black sweater on, running down the stairs to the phone, taking it from her.

 

“Thank you mother, Hello?” I asked the person on the other end of the phone.

“Kurama?” Some one asked.

“Yusuke?” I said not believing he would call.

“Wow man it's you, you sound different are you sick?” he asked

“Far from it, how are you? Is there a reason you called?” I said being sincere.

“I'm uh good, and I called because I kinda wanted to hang out, but if you don't want to I completely understand. I mean we haven't talk in a long time and I'm kind of mad at myself for not calling sooner but still do you wanna go out?” Yusuke said rushed, I'm guessing he's nervous.

“When?” I asked

“Now, maybe or tomorrow. I don't care whatever's good for you.” He said, well if it gets me out of the house.

“Yes that'd be good and today I suppose. Where would you like to meet?” I asked

“How about the mountains by Genkai's in about say ten minutes.” He said

“Alright I'll see you there.” I said hanging up after our good-byes, sighing in relieve, I turned to my mother and told her I was going out. She nodded and talked non-stop about me finally having a friend.

When I was finally out of the house I was relieved at least I had my plants, though they feel what I feel they help. I ran as fast as I could to Genkai's, I was using the run as an outlet for my anger and pain; it wasn't working to my advantage however. Though being in this area of the human world made me feel at home. Surrounded in nothing but plant life. My ecstasy. I walked for a while in the forest, in the mountains. Enjoying the sights, smells, and feel of the world around me. Perhaps I should come here more often.

“Kurama?” he said, and I looked back at him.

“Yusuke?” I questioned not recognizing him he merely smiled and laughed.

“Yea it's me I know. I look different, I decided to grow my hair out. Stupid huh? O well I like it like this.” He said I smiled, something I know I haven't done in months.

“It looks nice Yusuke.” I said, he smiled before looking me over, his face turning serious. The gaze he was setting on me was uncomfortable.

“Yusuke stop.” I said and his face snapped up, our eyes meeting.

“What happened?” he asked softly, my face-stayed neutral as I answered

“What do you mean Yusuke?”

“Your different Kurama. These past months, I've felt everything, which is why I called you. I don't like it when people I love are in pain.” He said seriously.

“Perhaps it is someone else you're feeling Yusuke. I am in no pain.” I said with a smile.

“Don't lie Kurama I can feel it, not to mention you look and sound different. The only thing that's the same is your attitude and your ability to hide the truth a little to well.” He said back.

“You obviously thought it would be fun to mess with me Yusuke, I am leaving” I said and turned away. He yelled my name and grabbed my arm. In seconds I was on the ground wincing. His eyes widen and his face showed naught but shock. He pulled up my sleeve and lightly traced the marks.

“Kurama…” He whispered silently pulling me into his embrace. For that moment I laid there crying on Yusuke's chest with his arms wrapped around me, even if he didn't mean for it, he made me feel wanted. He asked softly and calmly about everything, and for everything he got an answer. I don't know why I opened up to him, but honestly I'm glad. For that time we spent together I thought of nothing but Yusuke and my self. Not the cuts on my arm, or the next time I was going to cut myself or if I was going to cut myself. I just thought about Yusuke, and it made me feel calm.

 

“Kurama I told you I won't let people I love suffer. I've felt every thing you've felt for the past seven months and its was tearing me away. How did you do it Kurama? Why did you do it?” He asked whipping the tears away with his thumb, his skin soft and his touch caring. I shrugged. I didn't know why it was there. I didn't know why I had urges. I didn't know why I thought the things I did, I just did.

“Never mind I understand.” He said softly.

“No you don't” I choked

“Yes I do Ra, you have no idea how clearly I understand.” He said, I raised an eyebrow at the nickname, he merely shrugged and laughed.

“Would you rather I call you fox and have Hiei think I'm mocking him.” He said, I merely shook my head and laughed, something I haven't done in ages.

 

O.k. I hope you like this, just to let you know this story will be posted straight from me no one will look over it except myself and another individual sorry, but with this story that's how I want it. If you don't like it, o well Review, If it creped you out, review if you liked it, review if you read more then a paragraph. Bai bai transpire