Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Junior ❯ Remembering ( Chapter 4 )

Junior IV

Disclaimer: Yu Yu Hakusho does not belong to me and I make no money from this work of fanfiction at all.

A/N: I stole the idea of Tokima from Devil Hunter Youko. He'll be showing up this chapter or the next.

Yuusuke had ambled from the clearing of Genkai's temple, until he was sure he was no longer in sight. The image of the forlorn looking Koenma, sitting on the porch, cradling his rounding middle protectively while he stared at Yuusuke's back had stuck with him though he had not turned around to look. He couldn't look. If he did... He'd run. Back to Koenma, or as far away as he could, he wasn't sure.

He was scared as hell.

The memories that had suddenly been opened in his head were pulling him in a dozen different directions, trying to rip up the whole known as "Yuusuke". This unknown person called Ketsui, so much like him but so different, was worming his way into his thoughts and feelings and it was just damned freaky!

Too many thoughts. Breaking into a run, he charged out into the middle of the Dark Forest hoping that some demon would try to fight him so he could be all over its ass. He wanted to lose himself in the flying of fists, feet, and ki, and be damned of the consequences.

Ketsui had lived a long life- Koenma had seen to that. A relatively happy one, too. Yet it had been hollow.

Oh shut up, he told the memories that popped up in his brain. You aren't mine.

Yes they are, another part said. Just because you had forgotten them before doesn't mean they aren't real. You acted on them your whole life you just didn't know it.

"Shut up!" he told the voice, getting faster.

You can't run from this. You won't run from him.

"My dad ran from me," he growled loudly.

You aren't him.

"THEN WHO AM I?"

You. Me. Us.

Nearly running into a stream that was being fed by a nearby waterfall, Yuusuke skidded to a stop, hands on his knees while he panted, more from emotion than real exertion.

"Why did you make me sleep with him?"

You made you sleep with him, remember? You remembered how damn cute he looked before he passed out, and remembered how he would sleep back then, all looking vulnerable with those soft lips and his gorgeous ass and the little sounds he made and...

"ALL RIGHT! I get your point! I sort of remember, er... this is bad, I'm not only talking to myself- I'm arguing!" he growled, smacking himself upside the head.

Then he frowned. "All right then, Ketsui... we are going to get to know one another a lot better now..."

Finding a place to put his back to, he folded his legs and propped his face against his fist in a typical 'thinker's' pose- for about three minutes before sprawling on his back to look up at the stars.

He remembered...

~*~*~*~*~*~

Koenma sat on the veranda, shivering, hugging his knees and sighing. He wanted Yuusuke back...

Genkai was sitting next to him, having some tea.

"Have you given any thought to what you are going to do next?"

The god didn't answer, just hunkered down a little more.

"A kid is a big responsibility."

"I know," he said softly, rubbing a hand through his hair, showing that silly JR on his forehead.

"I'll give you that you probably didn't know that a male kami could get pregnant. However, you do know that Yuusuke could just run off."

"I know," he said, voice even more quiet.

"He never knew his father."

"I know."

"Do you love him?"

"I... I think I do."

Genkai looked at him sharply. "This is not your feelings for his previous incarnation. We are talking about Yuusuke Urameshi here."

"I understand that. I understand that he is a punk kid who has no respect for authority and gets into trouble a lot. I understand that he will inherit a third of the Youkai. I also understand that he has had a hard life and came out a diamond in the rough. He... is someone who treated me like a person. Not the son of Enma Daioh. His boss, sure. I was that annoying guy who sent him on missions. Still... he wasn't afraid of me. It was nice."

"Ah... you had hoped to make more of a relationship with him over time."

"Yes. Now though... That might be ruined. Dammit though... I had no idea he was Ketsui. I had wondered where his soul had gone, and hoped he was happy, but it was never in my hands in the first place."

"People do remember their past lives, especially if they run into people they had known," Genkai pointed out, lighting up a cigarette.

"Do you mind?" Koenma said pointedly looking at the light. "I AM pregnant."

Genkai's smile was ironic, then rubbed it out.

"What are you going to do?"

"I have tried to not think about it. I don't want to give her or him up... Yet with my job, what else could I do? Enma won't let me stop working to raise a child. If Yuusuke is unwilling to help, I'll have to find a place to hide the baby... Too many people hate me, and hate Yuusuke for someone to openly foster the child..."

"There is always the possibility that Yuusuke will fall madly in love with you and because he's part demon, be strong enough that you can ignore your father and be together."

"Genkai... I didn't think you were a romantic."

"Call it my age," she said softly. "He's my student, and I would like to see him happy. I personally think you'll be good for each other."

Koenma laughed weakly. "I gave up on happy endings after seeing Ketsui's guts fall out."

~*~*~*~*~*~

The little weak kid had been watching them for a long time now, Ketsui realized, playing with his friends. He looked lonely.

It was weird that he'd never seen him before. Ketsui thought he knew most of the kids his age in the village.

The kid was scared at first- until Ketsui tagged him as it and they started to run. The kid- Zou- had been shocked at first, then went after him. It was a fun day.

After that, Zou had been a regular part of Ketsui's group. They'd steal apples, wrestle (Zou usually lost), play endless games of tag, climb trees and catch frogs.

Ketsui was the son of one of the Shogun's soldiers, not as high as a samurai, but not without honor. The family was well off enough that they didn't starve. From the beginning, Ketsui had noticed how Zou had always looked well fed, despite being a bad fighter. He'd had pretty nice clothes at first... until one day he'd started to show up wearing clothes shabbier than Ketsui's. Zou would never talk about his parents, though boasting about your father was a common thing the boys did.

That kid was weird...

"Hey Zou?"

It was a nice afternoon, bright and warm, insects droning in a summer evening. Both boys were twelve and thirteen, respectively, and Ketsui had been in his warrior's training for the past three years. He would notice that Zou would disappear, back home, he'd say, and come back looking haggard and with black stains all over his hands. They were currently in the nearby woods, trying to find a place to go fishing.

"Yes?"

"How come you never talk about what your dad does?"

"Uh," Zou paused. "Its not very interesting."

"Oh." Experience had taught Ketsui that this was the most he would get out of Zou on the subject. While he would drop hints that the family might be very well off- Ketsui was fairly sure about that- he would never say who they were. It led Ketsui to think he might be the son of a merchant or something...

"See the fishing hole?"

"Nope," Ketsui said- then tripped over something. "Shit!"

"What is it?" Zou asked, stepping over to help older boy up.

When Ketsui looked around, he noticed what had tripped him. "Ahh... someone left some scrolls here," he pouted, and picked them up, about to toss them away. Zou rescued them from his hand before he could.

"Aren't you going to look at them?" Zou asked, frowning, before unrolling the scroll, eyes squinting in the half light.

"Why? Its not like I can tell what they say."

"You can't read?" Zou exclaimed in surprise, looking at his friend. His expression made it clear how basic he considered the skill.

"You can?" Ketsui muttered- as shocked as Zou was at his lack. "Only nobles, merchants and priests can read!"

"Uh," Zou's eyes darted around, trying to find SOMETHING to cover his slip. "I- er, know some priests. They er... my dad had them teach me."

Zou didn't say anything- his eyes just went back to the scroll, pursing his lips together and then his eyes widened, red gold in the setting sun.

"I have to go," he said reluctantly.

"Why? What did it say?"

"Its, well, I need to take it to someone. And I won't tell you what it says," Zou said, straight faced.

"WHY? You look worked up about it and won't tell me-" Ketsui pouted.

"I'll teach you to read it yourself."

Ketsui stopped dead, eyes going wide. "Won't you get in trouble?" Zou tended to fear getting hurt or in trouble above all else.

"What else is new?" Zou grinned at him, and punched his shoulder. "I can't stay OUT of trouble around you! Besides... You're my best friend. I can't fight but I can do this!"

With that, he ran off... and Ketsui was left wondering, once again, where he was going.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Yuusuke opened his eyes, to see that the stars had turned a great deal while he'd been remembering.

"He never stuck his neck out for himself. For other's though... Bastard," he muttered, sitting up. "Stupid bastard god. You were so good at watching your own ass but when it came to watching other's, you had such faith in them you put yourself on the line. I could have gone to the priests about you teaching me how to read... Of course, you knew I'd be so curious I'd never tell."

"That didn't stop me from getting into trouble... I was a punk then too..."

~*~*~*~*~*~

"LET ME GO YOU OLD CODGERS!" Ketsui screamed, as he was being dragged by one of the head samurai of the shogun's guard.

It was three years later- Ketsui was sixteen while his friend Zou was fifteen. The reading project had gone fairly well. The prospect of learning something nearly forbidden had kept the little ruffian interested.

"You insulted the youngest son of the Shogun by calling him a girly coward who never shows his face while his brother's do all the work!"

The warrior's training that Ketsui had undergone had brought him into close contact with the eldest sons of the Shogun. They had earned his respect often in the practice courts. In fact, they had suggested he go into officer's training, even though his birth would have kept him from it.

"WELL HE IS! His brothers are out there kicking ass while he keeps records! He doesn't do anything but sit around all day acting like one of those high paid courtesans! Hell, even his brothers say so!"

"We will take you to him for judgement. He serves his father differently than you- but it is not without honor. Stay here!" They threw him into a small room, decorated with poems on the walls, painted screens, a few sitting cushions and a writing table. Kneeling on one of those, Ketsui tried not to fidget as he waited. His eyes drifted to the walls and the poems... The hand they were written in looked familiar, but he couldn't imagine why.

The screen on the opposite side of the room slid open, and someone walked in.

"What the hell are you DOING here, Zou?" Ketsui barked, getting to his feet. "You'll get into worse trouble than me if they find you!"

Zou looked at Ketsui, plainly as surprised to see him there as Ketsui was to see him.

"I work here," he paused. "What are YOU doing here?"

"I'm hear because I said the truth about that stupid youngest son of the Shogun," Ketsui muttered, crossing his arms. "They brought me here for him to pass judgement on me."

A strange expression passed over Zou's face. "What did you say about him."

"I said he was girly and a coward and that his brothers did all the fighting for their father," Ketsui said and shrugged. "Its nothing that you don't hear on the courts, even from his brothers."

"Have you ever met him?"

Ketsui rolled his eyes. "Isn't that the point? I mean, he never fights, he never does anything!"

Zou sat then, across from Ketsui, eyes on his hands. Ketsui blinked at the expression of hurt on Zou's face... and followed his gaze to those hands. They were clean at the moment, though they usually sported ink stains, and the fingers were long and tapering, the nails trimmed neatly. No callouses there. They were really beautiful hands...

The kimono that Zou was wearing was also expensive goods. Black with white cranes... Much better than the clothing he wore when visiting Ketsui and his friends and family- he usually wore a badly stained and ill fitting gi and hakama.

"I know that he doesn't fight, Ketsui, but he does his part here. He keeps the accounts, manages the estates so that people will make a profit. Doesn't that count for something?"

Ketsui wanted to snort, then sighed loudly. His eyes went back to Zou's hands.

"I guess... but how can a person earn honor that way?"

"He won't be able to. You hear rumors, so you know the ones that he's actually a bastard. If it wasn't for his mother's family in the Emperor's court, she and he would probably be put to death. The only thing he is allowed to do is work. Earning honor is beyond him."

"Oh," Ketsui's eyes widened. "Oh shit. Poor bastard..."

"You might not have known that," Zou said, a bleak smile on his face. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell many people, either. The Shogun doesn't want it noised around that his wife might have been unfaithful."

"Damn... I guess I need to apologize to this guy... What's taking him so long?"

Zou suddenly laughed. "He's busy. He won't really care if you leave, either. He's heard it before."

Ketsui got up. "I'm really sorry," he put a hand out to grab Zou's. The other boy took the proffered limb, and got to his feet, and Ketsui didn't want to let go... The hand was smooth and soft, the fingers strong though, gripping his hand back. A pit yawned open in his stomach, as Zou led him out- still holding his hand.

The warrior in training stared at Zou's profile as they made their way through the Shogun's compound. He'd never considered it before...

Zou was beautiful.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Beautiful," Yuusuke heard himself say, opening his eyes again. He was. Golden eyes, slender body... Yuusuke cut those thoughts off as they had the predictable effect on his lower anatomy.

"Shit," he muttered, and then jumped into the cold waters of the stream. The last thing he needed to be thinking with was that part of his body at the moment.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"I can't believe it! You're engaged to the girl and you haven't kissed her once?" Zou mocked, falling over laughing as Ketsui told him about the girl his parents had arranged for him to marry.

"I just met her last night! What do you expect?" Ketsui muttered, exasperated. Ever since he'd first noticed how beautiful Zou was... he hadn't been able to look at girls the same way. Especially when Zou was falling against him and holding on to him for dear life to keep from falling and he really wanted to-

Oh hell.

"I don't know how to kiss," Ketsui muttered, holding on to Zou. They'd snuck some sake from Ketsui's engagement party and had been tossing it back.

"It doesn't look too hard," Zou giggled. He had never been able to hold his sake well.

"Well, I'd like to see YOU try it!" Ketsui growled, still holding on to Zou.

Zou smirked at him... then leaned in, lips pressing against his and moving gently. Ketsui was so shocked he just let him, pulling him close. Oh gods oh gods oh GODS!

He then shoved him off, letting Zou drop to the ground like a puppet with its strings cut.

"Zou? What are you doing? What kind of, of freak are you?"

Zou's eyes suddenly filled up with tears. "I thought... Didn't you like the kiss?"

That was all Ketsui was able to hear- because as soon as those words were uttered, he knew they were true- and he ran.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Koenma got up awkwardly from his seat on the veranda, looking up at the stars... Genkai had returned to her room. She needed sleep. Hell, he needed sleep... A long stretch later, he turned to go back to the room he'd been sleeping in, when he heard a soft sniffle from the side- and a blue haired ferry girl suddenly collided with him.

"Botan?"

"I'm sorry Koenma-sama that all this happened I was so worried and you were so sick and I was afraid you were going to die again and that would have been bad because you really do work hard and..." she rambled on for quite some time, trying to hug him to death.

"Botan?" he said weakly.

"Yes, Koenma-sama?"

"Let go?"

"OH!"

She nearly dropped him, and started to look him over. She had for quite some time thought of him as a little brother, and when she got to his middle, she smiled and waved at it.

"Hello little one! I'm Botan-baachan! I can't wait to meet you!"

Koenma blinked at her, vaguely amused and vaguely disturbed by how she talking to his stomach. He hoped she was the only one to do so... His life would get even weirder if everyone suddenly decided to say hello to his abdomen...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ketsui hadn't talked to Zou in at least a week, since that kiss.

He didn't know why he'd run away. Part of him had wanted to kiss him ever since they'd met at the Shogun's compound. It was the reality of it- how much he'd enjoyed it, and the idea that Zou might like him back that had never occurred to him. So he'd enjoyed his little daydream, never thinking he could wake up to it.

"He's my best friend," the young warrior muttered, and started a sword kata. "He's my best friend and I think he's beautiful. I think I-"

Shit.

"I think I love him."

Swinging the sword down, Ketsui fought on, then stopped, dead still, when it hit him.

"I know I love him... I've loved him for years. Lust just took a while to catch up..."

A twig cracked behind him, and Ketsui had jumped the person before another sound was made.

"Zou!" he choked, from his straddling position on the other boy, getting up and backing away. "What are you doing here?"

Golden eyes met his dark chocolate ones with painful hope.

"I came to see how you were... I hope you aren't angry..."

"I- I- no, I'm not angry. Just was... surprised."

"What now?" Zou whispered, barely audible.

His answer was Ketsui giving him a hand up- and being pulled close, held... and then kissed.

The kiss swiftly heated to something more, and the ground was soon covered in their clothes, touching, moans filling the air...

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Okay, the cold bath obviously didn't work," Yuusuke gritted his teeth, coming out of the memory of the first time Ketsui and Zoutou had made love, having to open up his pants and jack off like there was no tomorrow.

"Oh gods, he is so fucking hot," he moaned, remembering his first time in this life and the last one, shuddering hard as he came over his hand. Panting, he looked at his hand, sighed, and went to wash off with more cold water. He swore internally at the new memories... That was the first time, but it wasn't the only time...

Then had come the time when Ketsui's image fo Zoutou had changed forever.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"ZOUTOU-SAMA!" someone had screamed.

Ketsui and Zou had been watching back from the forest after one of their 'dates', both flushed and mussed, holding on to each other as they walked back.

"ZOUTOU-SAMA!"

Two servants from the Shogun ran up to Zou, kneeling, and Zou immediately let go of Ketsui to ask what happened.

"Its your mother! She's dead!"

"Dead?" he asked, face turning chalky.

"Yes, Zoutou-sama! She died in her sleep last night, and they found her this morning! You need to go to your noble father!"

Ketsui was watching all this but his brain hadn't registered what was going on. People were bowing to Zou. They were calling him Zoutou. They were treating him like the son of the Shogun with the same name and were telling him his mother was dead. The Shogun's wife had been sick for some time. Therefore, this meant that Zou was Zoutou, youngest son of the Shogun and...

His thoughts ground to a halt.

"Thank you," Zoutou said faintly. "You may leave. I'll follow soon."

Ketsui looked at him.

"You, you- you-"

Zoutou sank to the dirt, kneeling, eyes not seeing anything. His mother was dead... and so was he. As soon as the funeral was over, his 'father' would try to get rid of him...

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" Ketsui screamed, picking him up by the front of his gi.

Zoutou's eyes fixed on his. "I was five when we met. Being part of the Shogun's household meant nothing. I was lonely and wanted to make friends. You and your friends were the first people to accept me- and I couldn't exactly tell you I was the disgrace, now could I?"

"That time in the compound," realization dawned on Ketsui's face. "That was you I was supposed to go to. It was you I was badmouthing. It was you that people told rumors about and you that had to live with me saying bad things about you even though I didn't know it."

Zoutou nodded, looking away.

"Why don't you hate me?" Ketsui let go his gi.

"Because it wasn't me you were talking about, Ketsui," Zoutou sighed. He wanted so badly to hold on to Ketsui and just hide in his arms. "It was the youngest son of the Shogun you had never met. It was the wimp you didn't know. It was me... but not Zou. That make any sense?"

Ketsui shook his head, shrugged, and looked lost. Tears had welled up in Zoutou's eyes.

"Gods, she's dead, Ket-chan! She's dead!"

All his dark haired lover could do now was hold him, trying to sooth the hurt.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The last memory was coming soon... The one he remembered Koenma telling him about, and Yuusuke did not want to see it. The emotions in Ketsui's memories were as fresh and strong as when he had first felt them. Hell, he was coming to terms with it BEING him, just in a different time and place.

Talk about your weird revelations...

He still didn't want to see Zoutou tortured in front of him. He didn't want to remember dying again- even more, he didn't want to remember forgetting Zoutou.

//DraggedoutbeatenhumiliatedgodsZoutoudon'thurthimno!NO!//

He broke himself free, getting to his feet.

Yuusuke came to a few conclusions... The kid was his. He'd try to help as best he could... And he would not, he repeated to himself over and over again- he would NOT jump Zoutou at the first opportunity. No. No way...

Then he started to walk back to Genkai's, pausing when he heard a rustle in the bushes. Walking over, curious, because the sounds were NOTHING like an animal...

"ERGH!"

THEN he ran away.

He did NOT just see that.

He did NOT JUST SEE Hiei and Kuwabara making out without clothes on!

To be continued!