Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Mission: Stupidity ❯ Koenma's evil widdle scheme ( Chapter 1 )

 

 

Disclaimer drama!

 

Me- Alrighty Mr. Puppet, now that you've been hospitalized from being hit by many 18 wheeler trucks……naybe you will see things mey wey…….do the characters in my ficcay belong to meh?

Mr. Puppet- …..*machines connected to him beeping* *he tries to say something*

Me- What was that?

Mr. Puppet- *barely audiable voice* No……*now you can hear him* No……NO NO NO NO NO YOU PSYCHO BICTH!! NEVER!! *starts coughing and wheezing*

Me- WHY? WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO MEAN TO ME?!

Mr. Puppet- Okay….I'll tell you…I'm so mean because well…..GAWH!!! *gets hit by another 18 wheeler*

 

To be continued in the next disclaimer. Maybe…

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Mission Stupidity!

Chapter 1- Koenma's evil widdle scheme
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”Your gonna go because I'm ordering you to Yusuke!” Shouted Koenma. The boy slammed his fists on the desk.

 

“But why?! We just got through with one! Don't you think we could use a damn break?”

Koenma looked very thoughtful. “Is a break really what you want?” He asked.

 

“Well, yeah!” Yusuke said happily.

 

“Hmmm, how about this. Are you listening now Yusuke?”

”Yes…..” He replied.

 

“You can have a break….RIGHT AFTER YOU FINISH THIS MISSION!!” Koenma yelled in Yusuke's now red-with-anger-face. Then, the prince sat back down in his chair. “Now, you can take the other three with you.”

Yusuke gritted his teeth and glared at him. “What are we gonna have to do?”

”Okay. First you all must go to ningenkai and find this night club. Then-“

”WOAH, WOAH, WOAH! HOLD ON! What's this about a night club?!”

”It's where you and the other boys must work until you find something for me….” Koenma said slyly, lacing his fingers together and resting his barely existing baby chin on his hands.

 

“What could we possibly be looking for in a night club?” Yusuke asked exasperated.

 

“DO NOT QUESTION MY AUTHORITY!!! YOU WILL KNOW WHEN YOU FIND IT!!” He yelled. Yusuke threw his hands up in the air.

 

“Fine! I'll go round up the troops! Stupid sonuvabitch with ass problems……” He muttered walking out, wishing that there was still a door where it should have been so he could slam it shut. When Koenma called him up to his office from playing the video game off his life, he spirit-gunned it. No more door!

 

Yusuke stormed out, only to run into Botan.

 

“Hallo Yusuke! Lovely afternoon isn't it?” She said in her usual perky tone. Noticing the rotten look on Yusuke's face, she toned down the happy factor. A notch. “So, I see Koenma sir has given you another mission! Here!” She handed him something round. “Your communicator, remember? I'll be using it to give you and the guys directions to the club! Don't let us down!”

Yusuke threw the little communicator in the air and caught it with one hand. “This case is soundin' real stupid to me…” He grumbled walking away from the ferry girl and out the main door. As soon as he was gone, Botan ran into Koenma's office. She backed up as soon as she got in, confuzzled that there was no door.

 

“Uh….where's the-“

”Don't ask.” Replied the toddler.

 

“Koenma sir,” She started, walking back through the door way. “If you don't mind me asking, what exactly are they searching for in a night club of all places?”

 

Koenma giggled. “Hee, hee! That's the point!”

”What is the point?”

”The point is that there is absolutely no point whatsoever!!! Wahhar!” He laughed again.

 

“But…..then…you……” Everything came together in her mind as she gasped. “Koenma sir! I can't believe you would do such a thing as to make the poor guys go on some kind of fake mission! What's the reason for it?!” She asked/yelled flabbergasted.

 

“I told you, there is no point, so there is no reason…….except to entertain myself.”

”NANI?!?!!?!?!”

”You heard me!” He crossed his chubber arms and pouted. “There's nothing here to keep my mind amused, because let's face it, watching ogre do the Macarena in a skimpy dress was funny but after a while, it was like kicking a dead horse!” Botan's face turned red with anger and she spun around, crossing her arms and refusing to look at him any longer.

”Well, you can just watch them do your bull mission! I won't have any part in this. And I'd just like to say that, well, I thought it was very funny watching ogre dance after the eightieth time and it always will be! Hmmph!”

His eyes now grew bigger, like he was thinking of something. “Come now Botan, look.” He pulled out two small boxes. “I've got chocolate and caramel coated pocky.” He coaxed her. She turned her head.

”Is that the new kind?” She asked.

”Yup. So why don't you sit here with ol' koko-chan and be apart of his evil widdle scheme, hm?” He patted the chair next to his.

”Well, alright. BUT ONLY FOR THE POCKY!” She said sitting down next to him and grabbing a box.

”I knew you'd see it my way!” He clapped his hands and flicked on his giant tv.

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Yusuke meanwhile in the ningenkai, was busy searching for his friends, still pretty angry. He looked up and found Kurama walking in on the same sidewalk.

”OI KITSUNE!” He called. Kurama quickly looked up and saw him. He quickened his slow walking pace and went up to Yusuke.

 

“Why hello Yusuke! And, I thought I told you that in this world, I'm Shuichi!” He whispered the last part.

 

“Yeah whatever. Anyways, his oh mighty pain in the fuckin' ass toddler is sending us on some crazy mission. Have you seen any of the other guys?” He suddenly noticed the change of facial expressions on Kurama's face from happy to slightly disappointed. “What's the matter?”

”Oh, nothing it's just that, I um….have a date tonight. Wasn't planning on a new task from Koenma…..” He did a fake laugh and placed his hand on the back of his head.

 

“You got a date?”

”Well, I guess…..” His head lowered.

 

Yusuke grinned a large grin. “Well, well, well! So, who's the luckay laday hm? C'men, tell ol' poppa!”

Kurama didn't answer but shook with guilt.

 

“Kurama?”

”OKAY! I'M GOING ON A DINNER DATE WITH MY MOMMA!!!!” He wailed. Yusuke just looked at him.

 

“Your mom?” Kurama nodded shakily. “Okaaayyyy. Since it's not a real girl then, you gotta come with me.”

 

“My momma is a real woman!”

”……..”

”̷ 0;.So says my stepfather!” He added. “Oh, fine! I'll come with you. But I warn you, momma does not like when I cancel dinner dates, I'll have you know!”

 

“Right.” Then there was awkward silence. Yusuke looked up at the sky and then to the right….and then the left……and then he coughed lightly. Kurama was twiddling his thumbs nervously and his gaze was fixed on that cat who's been glaring at him the whole time. Glaaaaariiiiing……

Just then, a black blur swooshed by them.

 

“Guess Hiei is here.” Stated Kurama.

 

“Mmhmm.” Yusuke said.

 

“Erhrm.” Grunted Kurama. Yusuke looked up and raised an eyebrow.

 

“Aherm.” He grunted in response.

”Erhmmmm.” Oh, now it was on.

 

“Blrhermahermaherm.”

”Raaaasssk!” ;

”SNOOGALY WOOGALLY PUDDIN' POPS!!”

”SMOOPSI WOOPSIE IDDLY BIGGINGS AHERM!!”

 

“SHUT UP!!!” Yelled another voice.

 

“HIEI!” Exclaimed Yusuke and Kurama, their manly grunting interrupted.

 

“What are you two doing?” He asking eyeballing them suspiciously.

 

“Nothing.” Yusuke huffed. “Listen man, Koenma gave us a new-“

”Mission? Yeah, I know that already.”

”How did you know?”

Hiei smiled smugly as he got a flashback of his day…..

 

FLASHBACK (in black and white!)
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Hiei woke up in his favorite tree in the park. He yawned and stretched out getting nice and warm from the sun. He jumped down and wondered what he should do today when suddenly, a pang of ingenious zapped his mind! He undid his bandana and the jagun glowed, scanning for his first victim. When it found him, Hiei ran to the spot; A daycare! What could Hiei possibly want in a daycare you ask? Well kiddies, blackmail would be the correct answer! Looking through the window adorned with different happy stickers, (which made him cringe) he found what he was looking for. There, sitting on the floor with all the little children, ages ranging from two to six, was Kuwabara.

 

“But I dun wunna play with the stoopiiid toy soldiers! I wunna play dress up!!!” Kuwabara cried. The group of little boys stood there and started throwing various toys at him, until the lady looking after him came over.

 

“Children! Be ashamed! Young Kazuma here could choke on some of these things!” The old woman scolded. Then she turned to Kuwabara. “Why are you here again you annoying kid? This is a daycare for children two to ten! You are fourteen years old now!”

”How do you know my age?” He asked shocked.

 

“You have it written on your scalp.” She pointed. Kuwabara tried to see it.

 

“I can't see it, so it must not be there!” He said proudly. The lady sighed heavily.

 

“This is your last day here, you understand? If you come back here, I'LL EAT YOUR SPLEEN!!!” She roared.

 

“Deeeeeeehhhhhhhh……” He drooled.

 

“Now, who wants….cookays?” She asked cheerily, suddenly holding out a platter with cookies.

”Me me me!!!” Chorused the little kids.

 

“ME! OH, ME! I WANT COOKIES!!” Kuwabara yelled. “GET OUTTA THE WAY YOU LITTLE PUNKS!” He said throwing them across the room. “How `bout me granny? Don't I getta coooooookiiieeeeee?” He asked already grabbing the platter and scarfing them down. “Huh? Don't I get cookie?” His face was covered with slobber and crumbs.

 

“KAZUMA!!!” She screeched. “HOW DARE YOU!!!! THESE WERE FOR THE WEE ONES!!!”

 

“Cookies for Kazuma?” He asked.

 

“TIME OUT FOR YOU!!!!!” She threw him in the corner.

 

Hiei, who was watching this from a safe distance was laughing his ass off, and telepathically sending all this to Yukina to show her what a loser Kuwabara is.

 

However, the window Hiei was currently occupying was right next to the corner Kuwabara was in. He looked out the window.

 

“SHRIMP?! YOU SAW ALL THAT?! GET IN HERE SO I CAN KIIIILL YOU!!!!” He screamed making the little kids and the lady look at him.

 

“Kazuma……” She said, voice cracking with rage. “Who are you talking to?!”

”It's this guy I know, he's right there!!” Everyone crowded over, but Hiei was out of sight already.

 

“SHRIMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

Hiei decided the best place to hide would be in Koenma's palace for some strange reason. He went into the toddler's office and stayed behind the door. That's when Yusuke zapped it down, nearly taking Hiei with it. Hiei didn't really feel like being in the conversation with the two, so he took the lamp shade off the pole and pretended to be the lamp. The rest is history……
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End of flashback (normal color!)
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“Oh, sorry about that door thing!” Yusuke laughed.

 

“Uh huh.” Said Hiei. “So this night club thing, what is it?”

”What a night club?” Hiei nodded. “It's a place you go to a night, and you dance and stuff like drink and watch performers.” Yusuke explained. “I snuck in enough of them to know exactly what you do there.” He boasted.

 

“Right. Well, I suppose we should be getting Kuwabara right about now.” Said Kurama.

 

“Mmhmm.”

Kurama cocked his eyebrow. “Erherm.”
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1 hour later at Ningenkai

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“Urrghg! Where is he? Daycare can't possibly still be opened?!” Yusuke whined.

 

“Why don't we just check and see?” Offered Hiei.

 

“Okay.” And off they went to the daycare place. To find him still there in the corner. Yusuke banged on the window.

”HEY DUMBASS!!!” He yelled. Kuwabara looked up.

 

“What are you guys doing here?” He obviously forgot about the Hiei incident.

 

“We're here to get you.” Kurama explained. “Why are you in a daycare?”

”Because granny is hot!” He said.

 

“………”

”I gots cookies! So many cookies!!” He said happily.

 

Hiei shattered the window with his jagun power and Yusuke grabbed Kuwabara from the collar of his shirt, and yanked him out.

 

“*COUGH, COUGH!!* Urameshi you juuurk!!!!” He wheezed rubbing his throat.

 

“Come on. We gotta mission to do……” Yusuke seethed.

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Koenma began cracking up.

”WAH……HAHAHAHA!!! HAHAHAHA!! Who knew flashbacks could be so funny?”

Even Botan was laughing with him. “I know Koenma! IT was hilarious! TARTARHAR!!”

”Did you just call me Koenma without the sir?”

”Yeah.” She said in an after laugh daze.

 

“Oh. Beer?” He offered her a bottle.

 

“Sure! Wait, since when do you have beer?”

”Oh, just take it!” He opened up his and started chugging. The ferry girl shrugged and deciding she was really gonna need it, took the bottle extended to her and opened it up.

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Oh yea! Chappyter le uno es finito!!!! Right now it's 9:14 P.M and I'm a mix of hyperness and boredom. That is not a good mix with me as I tend to go even more psycho than I already am. In the words of my friend Tyler: Oh my God. You sunk my battle fork! Pwease weview! PWEASE??? *puppy eyes*