Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ My Addiction ❯ My Addiction ( Chapter 1 )

I hate him.

He makes me weak. He makes me vulnerable. He makes me feel things I do not want to feel. Things that as a warrior, I shouldn't feel.

Never mind a warrior... things a demon shouldn't feel. Yet, for some unknown reason, I feel a whole knew array of emotions.

Compassion, want, desire... love.

Each one brought about by soft delicate hands and coy eyes the color of the finest emerald.

Yes, for that I hate him.

The one being that is so perfect it is nearly painful. The thought of seeing him in any type of pain brings me to his side, ready to kill whoever caused such a sight.

This bastard had taught me so much, simply by remaining my friend. Times when I was too wounded to take care of myself, there he was doing it for me. Bringing me back from Death's grip. Helping me survive finding my sister, yet never being able to tell her who I am.

Damn him and his human heart. If it weren't for him, I would never feel this way. He introduced me to caring for more than just myself. He showed me a life beyond physical pain and anger. He taught me how he didn't have to lift a finger to cut me into shreds.

All he did was tell me he loved me.

Hiei opened his eyes and saw Kurama kneeling next to him. The kitsune was currently wrapping his right arm, once against hiding the black dragon that resided there. "Baka kitsune," Hiei hissed before snatching his arm away.

"You shouldn't be moving around so much," Kurama said softly. His eyes lowered as Hiei quickly stood and started searching for his katana. "You could hurt yourself further."

Hiei snorted and found his sword leaning against a chair. "What do you care?" he said securing his weapon around his waist. His hard ruby eyes saw Kurama lower his head further, and suddenly, Hiei regretted snapping at the fox-spirit. "I'm no one important."

"You're important to me," Kurama breathed as he stood. His eyes widened the moment he realized he'd said the words out loud. He turned to Hiei with uncertainty in his eyes. "You're more important than you realize," he said carefully.

That warm gaze seemed to penetrate every wall Hiei had around his heart. "Affections are a waste Kurama. Especially on me."

"Why do you believe that?" Kurama asked. "Is it because of what you are?"

"I am no one," Hiei said again. He picked up his cloak and carefully put it on. He crossed the room and opened the window. It pained him to see Kurama with pain filled eyes. "It would be best if you remember that," Hiei said climbing onto the window sill.

Kurama knew if he were to let Hiei go, the fire demon would disappear. He had already opened his heart, but now he had to lay it all out on the table for Hiei, and himself to see. "I love you, Hiei," he said desperately. Emerald eyes stayed focused on Hiei's back as he walked over to the window. "I know there are some... things you need to work through, but...."

"But nothing," Hiei snapped. He turned to Kurama and glared into those beautiful eyes. "Emotions are a liability. I do not need you to tell me what I have to work thought."

The youko lowered his head. "My apologies Hiei," he said in a whisper. He turned and walked over to his bed. As he sat down, Kurama felt tears coming to his eyes. "It will never happen again."

Hiei felt his chest tighten as he looked at Kurama. He knew he had hurt the kitsune, but it was necessary. Both were powerful demons living under dangerous circumstances. It was a liability neither of them could afford. Hiei took a shaky breath as he watched Kurama. He didn't know what to do or say. A situation like this had never presented itself before.

Without a word, Hiei jumped onto the window sill. He had to get away. Away from Kurama... the pain in his chest... the feeling that if he continued to watch the beautiful kitsune, he would give in to what the red-head wants. Hiei knew he would have to get away from everything.

Damn him, damn him, damn him! I never asked to feel this way! I am supposed to be a proud demon. A prime warrior. But look at where that all lead me.

His tears cut my heart deeper that any blade could. I would kill simply to see him smile, yet, I know he would be upset if I did. I hold my blade for the sheer fact that he would be sad if an innocent died by my hand.

I am weak. I can't see anything by his happiness. As much as I hate it, as much as I deny it, I do love him. I need him in my life.

Youko Kurama, no, Minamino Shuuichi. In either form, he is a beautiful vision. His smiles are like a drug. Each one is more addicting than the last. I don't understand it. I don't understand him. He knows my past, and virtually everything about me, yet, he still tells me he loves me.

Yes, I hate him. He has changed everything that I am, down to my very core. But I love him just as much. It sounds strange, even to me. I hate him, yet I love him. He's changed me, but he never tried to do anything of the sort.

My addiction, that is exactly what he is. He is all of my wants, my desires. He is everything I hate, but everything I am. My damnation and salvation. My Kitsune.