Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Red ❯ Lean on Me ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

DISCLAIMER: I OWN LESS THAN NOTHING!

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Sometimes in our lives,

We all have pain.

We all have sorrow.

But if we are wise,

We know there's always tomorrow.

* * *

“Yukina, get back! Get back!” Hiei yelled, jerking his sword from its sheath and running to shove his sister out of the way. She stumbled but didn't fall, and backed quickly away, to go back to attacking with ice.

The gigantic creature they were fighting hovered nearby, throwing its five tentacles every which way, trying to hit one of them. It had succeeded, many times; Kuwabara lay on the ground, his right leg open to the bone, bleeding but not fatal, Yusuke had one hand over a wound in his stomach as he fought, and Kurama had a gash across his cheek. Hiei, Yukina and Genkai, who was in her younger form, were all unhurt but tiring. The fight had been going on for at least an hour, probably more.

Hiei guessed that Koenma had known that this would be difficult; why else would he send all six of them? But he doubted that even the toddler king had guessed the extent of it. This thing was beginning to seem impossible to kill.

Well, it wasn't for lack of trying.

Hiei raised his sword. “Hey!” he shouted, leaping forward to slash at a tentacle and missing as it swung around to aim for Genkai, who was losing speed. The thing must have sensed that the old woman in a young body was not able to fight as long or as hard as the rest, because it was suddenly focusing most of its attention on her, though it kept two tentacles free to attack the others who were jumping, dodging and attacking around it.

Meanwhile, Yukina had been attempting to freeze the creature from the inside, but she had not been at all successful, and after a while she gave up and left the others to it and went over to drag Kuwabara to the side, so she could heal him.

It was after he rejoined the fight, his leg tender but still useable, that everything began to go to Hell.

His sword had as much affect as all of the other weapons, but now the thing had all six fighters to contend with again. Having only five tentacles, it had to pick one of them to leave out, and it choose Yukina, probably because she had been of so little danger so far.

Yukina took full advantage of this, and within ten minutes Hiei, Kurama and Kuwabara were shielded by icy energy, and she was working on Yusuke. She worked quickly, lest the thing notice what she was doing and go after her before she could finish.

But it wasn't fast enough. She had just finished Yusuke's shield when the demon struck at Genkai, and this time it was enough. The sharpened tentacle drove through her chest, and without a sound Genkai collapsed.

Yukina's scream split through the air. “GENKAI!” She cried, racing to her fallen mentor and teacher. Hiei had time to glimpse her crouching next to the old lady, before a tentacle swung into view again. Annoyed, he batted it away and glanced again at Yukina.

What he saw made his head spin. His eyes sent the message to his brain, which refused to comprehend.

Yukina lay on the ground next to Genkai, the back of her snow-white kimono bathed in blood. She wasn't moving, and it didn't look like she was breathing.

Hiei stood, completely transfixed, staring at Yukina's body. He couldn't move, couldn't think or feel or fight. His little twin sister was dead. She had died not even knowing that the brother she had long searched for had been there all along. It had happened so quickly…she had been taken from him in the blink of an eye, it seemed. It was…unbelievable.

And then one thought forced its way through the numb fog that was his mind: this thing must pay.

Time, which had previously stood still, obligingly allowing Hiei time to think, became bored and raced forward again, but this time the correct path was as clear to Hiei has if someone had showed him a diagram. He dodged a tentacle as easily as if the world was moving in slow motion and leapt toward the place where the five tentacles joined the body, the place where the heart must surely be. While the others fought on the outside, Hiei battled through the tentacles and made his final blows.

It was shockingly easy, now that he couldn't feel the sharp pain of the flailing limbs, or hear the screeches of the monster, or think about what would happen if they lost, now that all he was doing was…existing, outside of himself, killing and watching himself kill at the same time. No thought, no feelings…only the kill.

It made things simple.

Cut across, slash upward, block a tentacle, chop another, and then thrust, and it's over…

Hiei followed the instructions as his mind spoke them, and within moments the creature was dead. Hiei never comprehended the dying screams that would forever haunt the others, nor did he feel the black blood soaking his hands or smell the stench of death.

The next few minutes passed in a blur. Hiei went over and lifted Yukina's body in his arms, studying her face. Her eyes were closed; her chest was still; her already-cold hand did not so much as twitch as he grasped it. She looked peaceful enough to sleep, but she wasn't asleep; she had indeed left him to walk in the realms of the dead.

He did not try to speak to her, to pull her back into the living world; she was beyond that, and he knew it, and simply held her, for a long time, until someone—he never remembered who, but he thought it might have been Kurama—gently took Yukina from his arms, and then the same person lifted him up and the rest was lost in hours of darkness.

* * *

Lean on me,

When you're not strong,

And I'll be your friend.

I'll help you carry on.

For it won't be long

`Til I'm gonna need

Somebody to lean on.

* * *

The dream-memory ended, and Hiei opened his eyes to a few surprises.

For one thing, he hadn't ever actually expected to wake up at all. When he had fallen into blackness under the club of the demon, he had thought—hoped, really—that that was it. But apparently, fate had other plans for him.

This thought brought another bitter smile. Since when did he believe in fate, anyway?

The second surprise was that he was obviously back in the Ningenkai, with no clue as to how he got there. It was a well-known fact that one who lost a fight in Makai never escaped with their freedom, if they didn't lose their lives. And all signs had pointed to death…

The third and final shocker was that he wasn't even in a tree, which was where he had spent most of his life in both worlds. Instead, he was in a ningen house, lying on a ningen bed. He was covered in a blanket and he was missing his shirt. His chest seemed to be covered in bandages that wrapped over his shoulder and down his arm, where it bound his hand. That arm was strapped across his chest in a sling, which was rather annoying. His leg was also strangely immobile. When he tried to move anything on the right side of his body, pain shot through him, worse than anything he had experienced with the cutting. He recognized the feel of broken bones, but he wasn't sure exactly where. Best not to move until he knew for sure.

So, he fell to examining the room.

It seemed rather ordinary, as far as bedrooms go. He had been inside Yukina's room at the dojo once, though, and compared to that, this one was quite unusual. There was a large square window on one wall, and under this window there was a brown wooden desk, with a photo of a little red-haired boy with a black-haired woman on one side, a strange black thing on the other (he would later know it as a laptop computer) and many papers in between. On the other side of the room was a large dresser with another box on it, bigger than the one on the desk (a TV, he would be told later) and next to the TV was a rectangular silver thing (a stereo.) Another thing about the room was that there seemed to be an unusual number of plants.

An unusual number of plants…oh, no…

Hiei accidentally drew in a sharp breath, and pain flared to life again. Ignoring it, as he was accustomed to doing, he made a valiant effort to sit up—and failed miserably. To his astonishment, none of his limbs seemed able to support themselves.

Weak and shaking, he lay against the pillows, waiting until the pain subsided so he could have another try. Because he knew who this room belonged to now, and he could not face its occupant right now…

* * *

Please swallow your pride,

If I have things

You need to borrow,

For no one can fill those of your needs

That you don't let show.

* * *

He was still lying there, staring at the ceiling, when the door cracked open and Kurama appeared. Hiei quickly closed his eyes and feigned sleep, and waited until he heard the door close again, before he opened them again and continued to study the white ceiling, thinking,

So, from the look of things, he wouldn't be going anywhere soon. He was stuck. And he very much doubted that Kurama would buy the faking sleep thing until he was well enough to sneak out.

But if he stayed, Kurama would ask him what the marks on his arm were, and Hiei could never lie to the fox. He would have to explain, and he knew that the story would cut Kurama deeply. And Hiei was about as able to cause Kurama pain as he was able to lie to him.

So what to do?

But maybe Kurama wouldn't ask for explanations. Maybe…

Before he could continue his thoughts, the door opened again and a voice said, “Hiei, I know you're awake. You can't fool me.”

* * *

Lean on me,

When you're not strong,

And I'll be your friend.

I'll help you carry on.

For it won't be long

`Til I'm gonna need

Somebody to lean on.

* * *

Hiei grimaced inwardly, and slowly opened his eyes.

Kurama stood at the foot of the bed, watching him carefully. His features looked rather rigid, but his eyes showed only concern as he came over to Hiei's side, and his voice was nothing but kind as he spoke. “I'm glad to see that you're awake,” he said softly, setting the cup he carried down on his bedside table and gently propping Hiei up on the pillows. Hiei didn't resist; he didn't care what anyone did. “How are you feeling?”

“Why am I here?” Hiei demanded, pain making him sharp.

Kurama must have noticed his tone but he overlooked it. “The truth, Hiei. Are you hurting badly?”

Hiei sighed. Kurama had asked for the truth, and he had tried lying to Kurama before. He knew from experience that it never got him anywhere. “It's a little…agonizing,” he admitted. “But I'll be all right.”

“Mm-hmm…well, I did the best I could, but you had a lot of broken bones that will take time to heal. But if you keep drinking that—” he gestured to the cup, “—it will take less time.” He picked up the cup and pressed it into Hiei's good hand. “Drink.”

Hiei held the cup but turned to Kurama. “How did I end up here? I thought I was dead.”

“Not for lack of trying,” Kurama said darkly, but it was hard to tell what he was talking about. He studied Hiei, and then he said, “When you went to Makai, I have to admit that you looked bad. I didn't think you'd be able to fight on your own. I got worried, and then, when you didn't turn up after a day and a half, I went to search for you, against Koenma's orders. You weren't hard to find, and when I got there you were nearly dead. I killed the demon and brought you back here. That was three days ago, and you've been asleep since then. I had to force that medicine down you while you slept. Koenma's ticked off at me, and Yusuke's been calling every day, to pass news of you on.” Hiei scowled and Kurama smiled in spite of himself. “They were only worried for you, Hiei.”

“So…you saved me.”

“You're my team mate.”

Now, a normal person would have thanked Kurama then, but Hiei only felt sad. He had missed his chance…

“Drink that, Hiei. You'll feel better,” Kurama said, gently but firmly.

His tone allowed no argument, and Hiei took a sip from the glass. It was actually good, to his surprise, not at all bitter. He should have guessed, though; Kurama was always looking for ways for his plant concoctions to both help and not cause sickness. As he drank, the pain lessened and soon there was only a dull ache.

“So how broken am I?” he asked, trying to sound casual.

“Pretty bad. Cracked ribs, fractured leg, sprained arm, broken collarbone, which is the worst. The rest will be fine in a few days with help from my plants, but your collarbone will be sore for at least a month. But all in all, it could be a lot worse.” Kurama stood and turned away, busying himself with straightening his desk. His voice had an edge to it when he spoke again. “I saw the cuts.”

* * *

If there is a load

You have to bear
That you can't carry,
I'm right up the road.
I'll share your load
If you just call me.

* * *

Hiei cursed fluently to himself as Kurama turned back to him. For the first time, Hiei noticed how worn the fox looked. There were dark shadows under his eyes, and he looked paler than usual. His usually smooth hair was messy, and his hands shook as he took Hiei's empty cup and set it aside. How long had he been like this?

Thinking back, Hiei realized that Kurama had seemed strained for a while now…ever since their disastrous mission in Makai, as a matter of fact. And Hiei had been too depressed to notice.

A sickly feeling of guilt swept through him, but before he could dwell on it, Kurama turned back to him.

“Why did you do it, Hiei?”

* * *

So just call on me, brother,

When you need a hand.

We all need somebody

To lean on.

I just might have a problem

That you'd understand.

We all need somebody

To lean on.

* * *

Hiei stared hard at the blankets. This was the part he had been dreading. He could hardly stand the hurt in Kurama's voice as he repeated the question.

“I was just…hurt…when she died,” he said. “Inside. I had never felt that way before, ever. Not even when Mukuro—” He choked. “When Mukuro died. I wanted to make it go away.”

“So you started cutting yourself? What made you think that could possibly help?” Kurama demanded.

Hiei winced at his harshness. “I just…I thought that if I made myself hurt on the outside, the pain on the inside would lessen. It was stupid, I know. But it seemed so…logical…at the time.”

“No, Hiei, what was stupid was keeping it bottled up inside,” Kurama told him, and now there was no anger in his voice, only sorrow. “Why didn't you talk to someone?”

“Like who? Some ningen therapist?” Hiei asked bitterly.

“Me,” Kurama said. Hiei looked up quickly, and found that Kurama was still watching him, and there was another new look in his eyes, one Hiei couldn't place, but it made him feel suddenly less miserable again.

“I…I couldn't do that.”

“Why not?” Kurama asked gently.

“I just couldn't!”

Kurama didn't say a word, letting his silence encourage Hiei to go on.

Hiei sighed, feeling the ache get deeper, but there was no sharp pain. It was now or never. Truthfully, he preferred never, but that would force him to lie.

“I just…Yukina died thinking that her brother had abandoned her. It's all I've been thinking about for almost a month. I…damnit, why didn't I tell her?”

“Hiei…”

“Don't you dare tell me it's all right, Kurama. It isn't! Nothing is all right!” His voice softened. “In never will be again.”

“Hiei, she knew,” Kurama said forcefully.

Hiei looked up, hardly daring to believe it. “What?”

“She knew you were her brother. She guessed it soon after she asked you to try and find him. She knew that you could find anyone, no matter who, after a mere couple of days, so when months went by with no word, she finally figured it out. She asked me, and after some pressing I confirmed it. She was happy just to know, and she didn't need to ask you. Maybe I should have told you, but…I know you, and you would just have run. And so I kept it a secret.”

“But…but she was happy, right?”

“Oh, yes, Hiei. She was happy.”

To his shame, Hiei felt tears fill his eyes, and before he could stop them they spilled over. All of the pent-up frustration, guilt, anger, and sadness exploded at once, and suddenly he was sobbing so hard that the whole right side of his body burned, and still he couldn't stop.

He felt that he should have been ashamed when Kurama got up, sat down on the bed next to him and pulled him into his arms, but he guessed that he was even beyond that. He simply buried his face in the kitsune's shoulder and cried.

* * *

Lean on me,

When you're not strong,

And I'll be your friend.

I'll help you carry on,

For it won't be long

`Til I'm gonna need

Somebody to lean on.

* * *

Hiei wasn't sure how long he sat there with Kurama, but by the time his tears slowed, his insides still burned and his throat ached, but he felt clean inside for the first time in weeks. He was now content to just sit there and let Kurama hold him.

“I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this, Hiei,” Kurama said softly. “I wish I could have helped you…”

Hiei leaned back, and whispered, “You just did…but Kurama…there was another reason I didn't tell you.” He steeled himself inside. Now that he had admitted one thing, he felt the need to tell Kurama everything he had been feeling over the last weeks, even though he knew nothing good would come of it.

“Oh? Well, why don't you explain it to me?” Kurama asked, releasing him, much to his disappointment, and leaning back against the headboard.

“I will, but…you have to promise not to say a word until I'm finished. This is hard enough as it is.”

“I promise.”

Hiei looked away, unwilling to watch Kurama's face as he confessed. “Kurama, I've had feelings toward you for a long time, feelings I couldn't explain. At first, I thought it was just friendship, because I'd never had a friend before. But then…after Yukina died, everything became clear. What I feel for you is not friendship. Friendship is what I feel when I think of the Detective and…and even the Oaf, and if you tell either of them I will carve you like one of those American Halloween thingies. My feelings for you are deeper than companionship. I couldn't tell you, because you'd be disgusted by me, and I couldn't stand the mere thought of that. I thought I could deal with just staying your friend, but…I couldn't. It got worse and worse every time I saw you and knew that I couldn't have you. That added to the pain I was already in, and that's when I started cutting, instead of talking to you about it, even though the thought did cross my mind a fair few times. And now it's all pointless, because you're going to despise me, anyway, and…”

He might have babbled on for hours, just to avoid what would happen when he finished, but he was stopped abruptly when Kurama kissed him.

He wasn't sure which one of them was more shocked, but he was pretty sure it was him. He had expected many different scenarios while he had been talking, but this had never been so much as a blip on the radar screen.

Kurama leaned back after a few moments, and Hiei whispered, “Kurama, what--?”

“Shut up,” Kurama whispered, and kissed him again.

Hiei's mind jumped to all sorts of crazy places, and he spent a few moments dwelling on all the ways this could be a trick, but then he realized what was going on, and the idea that Kurama really did have the same feelings for him shut his mind up completely.

Along with a few other things…

* * *

Lean on me...

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This chapter took longer than it should have, but I was working on two other stories, too, so that's KIND OF an explanation…Also, I'm really sprry that the formatting on this story and every other one of my stories is so screwed up--the song lyrics were supposed to be very clearly separated from the story, and there was a lot that was supposed to be shown differently--but this site isn't very good and they screw up everyone's story format, so there's that explanation...don't even know why I bother staying on this site, except that all of my reviewers are here...otherwise I'd move to Mediaminer permanently. But I'm rambling, so I'll just cut to the chase. REVIEW, PLEASE!

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Reviewers' comments:

Yarrie: Hey! Thanks for the review! I haven't heard from you in a while…were you the one who sent me the Fanfiction petition? Just wondering…

KoveAiden: Thanks for the review, and as you can see I did continue it. I hope you liked this chapter. Isn't that sad? I cried the whole time I was killing Yukina…oddly enough I didn't worry too much about Genkai…mean, huh? But I mean, she was old, she had a good life, and they talked a lot about her death in the last episode anyway…but I'm babbling, yes? I'm gonna leave now…tries to leave room and walks into wall

East Kaioshin: Thanks for the really really nice review! I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY PORTRAYED SOMEONE RIGHT! You'd be shocked at how little that happens…then again, Koenma is one of the most annoying characters, and I like writing annoying people.

kikira-san: Thanks for the review! And yeah, I did get a little heavy on the Kurama-issue-thing, but I was really actually trying to portray him as leaning toward his Yoko side, and we all know that Yoko was a very cold, very beautiful guy…so, now that you know who the other body was, how much do you hate me? I killed Yukina AND Genkai off, and almost Hiei, all in one chapter. I was actually planning for Hiei to die, but I couldn't do it! I had to cover it up in the end and make it look like I'd been planning to do it this way all along…how did I do on that, anyway? Oh, and also, it's okay for you to be in Hyper Reviewer Mode. I'm in Hyper Authoress Mode right now, hence the babbling…

darknesspirals: HA! I DIDN'T KILL HIEI! As I said above, I was planning to…but I like it this way better. And yes, we WILL get to see Kurama verbally throw down with Koenma, but not yet. I wonder how things will go for Hiei and Kurama…I still am not sure, you see…which might make writing the next chapter a bit difficult, now that I think of it…

T.K. Yurikoto: Thanks for the review! And I know, I feel like crying every time I write! So sad…tears

KyoHana: Thanks for the review, and tell me how you liked this chapter!