Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Suicide ❯ Chapter Seven ( Chapter 7 )

Chapter Seven
Yuusuke woke early the next morning, sitting up, then flinching a bit as he found himself at a lower level than he usually did when he awoke. Then he remembered. Stupid futon. The teen sighed and lay back, wondering what the day had in store. He sincerely hoped that Hiei wasn't going to be as difficult as he had been, but that was like asking pigs to fly. He, fortunately, hadn't had any problems with the fire demon after Atsuko had left. When he'd gotten to his bedroom, Hiei was already curled up on the futon closest to the window, either asleep of pretending to be. Yuusuke hadn't bothered him.

The teen glanced at the clock, blinking as he noticed the time. Noon? Damn, we're supposed to meet Kurama in an hour. He glanced over at Hiei's futon, sitting up sharply as he noticed that it was empty. Where . . .? Then he noticed the shadow on the futon and looked up at the window. The fire demon was perched on the windowsill--curled in the frame in a way that somehow made sitting on a sharp corner of wood look comfortable--asleep. "Hiei?" The boy's eyes snapped open, landing on Yuusuke immediately. "We're supposed to meet Kurama in an hour." The youkai shrugged. "Why are you up there?"

"None of your business."

Yuusuke scowled, then shrugged. It was, after all, not his business. He got up and grabbed some clothes from the closet. "If you're hungry, you can go rummage in the kitchen to see if we have anything. Otherwise, we'll get something while we're out." The teen went to the bathroom to change. He headed for the kitchen, frowning as he realized that Hiei wasn't in there. A glance around the living room revealed that Hiei was sitting, as he had the night before, in a chair next to the window, one knee drawn up with his chin resting on it as he looked out at the city. "Hiei, aren't you hungry?" The fire demon shook his head, not tearing his gaze from the window. "All right, then. We'll get something later." Hiei didn't move. "C'mon, Hiei. We're going to be late if we don't leave soon."

As the boy stood, Yuusuke cursed. Hiei was wearing his usual clothes, including the ratty-looking tank top. We're going to have to take public transportation, and those wards . . . "You're going to have to change back into the clothes from yesterday. We'll be getting you more clothes today." Hiei said nothing. He went back into the bedroom, returning a few moments later in the jeans and shirt he'd worn the day before. "Good. Let's go." He locked the door behind them, then led Hiei in the direction of the subway. This is going to be interesting . . .

Yuusuke sighed in relief as he saw Kurama waiting for them at the cafe they'd decided to meet at. The train ride had been extremely crowded and less than pleasant for both Hiei and Yuusuke. They had been forced to stand, packed closely with other people. Hiei was too short to reach something to hold onto and had ended up being bumped around for most of the trip. The fire demon had been pale nearly the entire time, practically hyperventilating every time the train lurched to a stop and people pressed harder against them, making room for those shifting to get out. He'd calmed down slightly when a seat had opened up nearby and he'd been lucky enough to grab it, but he had only completely returned to normal after they'd left the train and exited the packed subway.

Yuusuke was left wondering about his reaction. Claustrophobia? [1] Hiei? But it made a lot of sense once he put the pieces together--Hiei sleeping on the windowsill rather than the futon and him sitting near the window in the living room. He ran through previous memories, noting that Hiei almost always stood by a door or window. That must be it. He'd have to ask the fire demon later, and if he was right he was going to go to Koenma and demand real beds so Hiei would be nearly level to the window. Hell, we're supposed to be making him feel better. He would try to omit Hiei's claustrophobia when he spoke to the demi-god. It was none of Koenma's business, and Hiei deserved at least some privacy.

Hiei noticeably stiffened at the sight of Kurama, and Yuusuke frowned, mentally filing the reaction away for later analysis. Kurama, for his part, smiled as he saw them. "Konnichi wa! Are you two hungry?"

"Yes. We haven't eaten yet," Yuusuke replied as Hiei shrugged. They sat down at the table

"Well, they have good food here, and it's not too expensive, so we can eat here."

"That's fine with me. Hiei?" The fire demon shrugged again, not looking at either of them. "Good. Anything you can recommend, Kurama?"

The redhead grinned. "Everything I've tried has been really good. Just pick what you like. Just remember, it's all American food."

Yuusuke scanned the menu, frowning as Hiei ignored his. "Hiei, you're going to eat something. Choose something you want." The sanjiyan [2] scowled and grabbed his menu, looking it over. Yuusuke returned his attention to his own, quickly deciding on the club sandwich. A waiter hurried over as he set down his menu, and Yuusuke ordered it and a lemonade, blinking as Hiei unhesitatingly ordered the same thing.

While waiting for the food to arrive, Yuusuke and Kurama made small talk. Hiei ignored both of them, fixing his gaze on the ground and sipping at his lemonade when it came. When their food came, they ate quickly, then paid and left.

Yuusuke shifted in the chair, sighing in annoyance as he watched Kurama try to convince Hiei to try on a red shirt. The fire demon had agreed to mostly black items, allowing a few blue articles into the mix.

"Come on, Hiei! It'd look good on you!"

Yuusuke grinned slightly as Hiei grabbed the shirt from Kurama and stalked toward the dressing room, evidently sick of arguing. The boy exited the dressing room a few moments later tossing the red shirt on the 'acceptable' pile, obviously not wanting to stay in the dressing room very long. Claustrophobia.

Kurama grinned, holding up another shirt. "How about-"

"No. I'm not trying on anything else. Buy these." Hiei sat down in the chair next to Yuusuke, his expression revealing that trying to get him to move would prove fruitless unless they were leaving.

My bladder's going to burst . . . Yuusuke stood and shoved the clothes into Kurama's arms. "I'll be back in a minute."

The redhead blinked. "Where're you going?"

"Restroom. Just sit down and wait for me. I don't want to have to look all over the store for you two." He was extremely glad that the restroom was near the dressing rooms. I hate shopping . . . I always get dragged into it. Yuusuke scowled. No matter how small a shopping trip was supposed to be, it always grew to mammoth proportions. It was annoying. The teen washed his hands, sighing. And this was buying Hiei an entire wardrobe. This sucks . . . It's the shopping trip that never ends. They still had to get Hiei a school uniform and shoes.

Yuusuke exited the bathroom and headed down the hallway toward the dressing rooms. He paused as he was about to round the corner as he heard his friends discussing something. It occurred to him that Hiei may have been acting strangely around Kurama because they needed to talk about something. I don't want to interrupt them. He paused as he overheard a snippet of the conversation, freezing in surprise.

"-because I don't love you? Is that why you tried to kill yourself? I didn't want to say anything around the others, but I need to know . . ." Kurama . . . What the hell is going on? Yuusuke was hesitant to eavesdrop, but there was no way that he could leave, having heard that.

Hiei eyed Kurama as the fox sat next to him, made uncomfortable by the proximity. It was hard enough when he . . . But then he had to be the one to find me. Fuck . . . It had been an insult added to injury, Kurama pretending to care after . . . And the comment about the shirt . . .

"Hiei . . . There's something I want to ask you." The fire demon gave the redhead a wary look. "Are you depressed because I don't love you? Is that why you tried to kill yourself?" Hiei looked away, and Kurama frowned. "I didn't want to say anything around the others, but I need to know . . ."

Why does he bring this up now? As much as he didn't want to admit it, Kurama's rejection had hurt badly. It had taken him so long to gain the courage to tell him he returned his feelings, and then it had turned out that no feelings had existed in the first place. He wasn't good enough for anything but the youko's taunting flirting. He felt that he had been led on and used, and that had wounded him deeply and humiliated him.

Hiei was silent for several seconds, and the redhead sighed, evidently thinking he wasn't going to answer. "If you don't want to talk about it, I understand, but-"

"I would be lying if I said it wasn't." Kurama stiffened. "But I'd also be lying if I said you were solely responsible." Kurama looked at him in confusion and Hiei smiled slightly, the look not reaching his eyes. "Complicated, ne?" The fire demon looked away, the false smile dropping from his face. "But I guess that's what my life is."

"Hiei . . . I . . ." Kurama's green eyes were filled with the one thing Hiei couldn't stand to see--pity. He felt as humiliated as he had when the fox had rejected him.

Muted emotional pain flashed over the Jaganshi's face before Hiei replaced it with an emotionless mask. "You don't understand. That's fine. No one does." He drew his knees to his chest, then continued to speak in a level, unemotional voice. "You should have known, Kurama. You were always flirting, and still are if that stupid comment about the shirt is any indication. Hell, you even propositioned me. Maybe it was all joking--some youko game--but I guess it's my fault for hoping that it wasn't, for trusting in you." Hiei's mask wavered for a few seconds, close to breaking, and his voice mirrored it. "I don't want to discuss this. Not now, not ever. Just forget it ever happened."

Hiei . . . I'm sorry."

"Shut up."

He had heard enough. Hiei . . . You certainly are complicated. You weren't lying about that. Yuusuke tip-toed back to the bathroom, then walked back down the hall, yawning rather loudly. His remorse for eavesdropping was surpassed by his sympathy for Hiei. At least now I know . . . He rounded the corner to see Kurama standing, a smile on his face. A fake smile, he noted.

"Shall we check out now? Then we can go get shoes and Hiei's school uniform."

Yuusuke groaned. "I hate shopping."

Hiei stood, not looking at either of them. "Just get this over with."

Yuusuke winced inwardly. It was going to be a long shopping trip . . . Too long.

[1] The thought that Hiei is claustrophobic is an idea that Hikari Nanase came up with. I'm just borrowing it. All credit for that goes to her.

[2] I was yelled at by someone for referring to Hiei as a sanjiyan. Let me inform everyone now that I did not mean saiyan-jin or saiyin. It is not a DBZ reference. From what I've been told, sanjiyan is used to refer to a three-eyed demon. I got it from an old YYH fic called "Shadows and Lies" by Kristen Huntsman and Sionna Klassen. Also, if anyone has ever watched 3x3 Eyes, the three-eyed demons in there are called 'sanjiyan', and Pai's three-eyed form is known as Sanjiyan. Therefore, the term sanjiyan is accurate when referring to Hiei.

I want to warn people here and now that the next several chapters are probably not going to be very nice. I think this fic is destined to be pure angst.

Also, I'd like to remind everyone of Green Grapes and Lemonade: A Yu Yu Hakusho Yaoi Fanfiction Contest, which can be found http://www.angelfire.com/anime4/grapesnlemons/
I'm hoping that more people will submit their work to it. Just make sure your fic meets requirements and read the rules before submitting. Arigatou!