Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ The Pain of Pleasure ❯ Pain of Pleasure 1 ( Chapter 1 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Youko-Kurama 
theme song to chapters 1, 2 and 3:
"Yaoi" - Angel Sanctuary
Anime/Manga: Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Hentai | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 08.18.2003 | Updated On: 08.18.2003 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.6K | Visits: 1.9K | Status: Completed
theme song to chapters 1, 2 and 3:
"Yaoi" - Angel Sanctuary
Anime/Manga: Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Hentai | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 08.18.2003 | Updated On: 08.18.2003 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.6K | Visits: 1.9K | Status: Completed
"The Pain of Pleasure"
Author note: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or any related characters, I just wish I did and therefore come up with stories like this about them. ^_^;;;
WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS SOME LEMON, RAPE and VIOLENCE. (not too graphic)
This short story came to me at about 3AM when I couldn't sleep and thus, had angsty thoughts running through my head. If you don't like yaoi (boy/boy relationships) or simply don't like Hiei/Kurama stories then I recommend you don't read this. I encourage you to have an open mind however. Maybe give it a try? You might like it. And if not, I bet I can still make you cry *wink*
~ Saku
* * *
The first thing I saw this morning when I opened my eyes was Hiei. This wasn't a total surprize to me because it had rained the night before and I had offered him a place to stay on such an occasion. No one deserves to spend the night outside in a thunderstorm and the fact that Hiei chose to sleep in trees increased the odds of him being electricuted and me having a heart attack.
No, it wasn't the fact that my best friend was in my room that surprized me, it was the fact that I wanted him that shocked the hell out of me. I wanted to touch him. To run my fingers down his back and through his hair and--
My eyes widened at my inappropriate desire and I felt my cheeks burn as I watched my friend and fellow spirit detective breath next to me, a solemn expression on his unusually relaxed face.
Each breath he took was probably no louder than a whisper but to my painfully heightened senses they echoed and caused my body temperature to rise abruptly.
Hiei was relaxed. He had remembered my offer of shelter and he had come through my open window to share my bed. Hiei trusted me. How could I take advantage of that trust by allowing my feelings to rage out of control? This was Hiei. No one touched Hiei. He would never allow it...
I rested my chin on my pillow and stared at my headboard sadly, remembering all the times I had either betrayed him or tried to kill him in the past. Our friendship was by no means a domestic one. On more than one occasion I had attempted to kill Hiei. A horrible mistake on my part. And yet here we were....
"I'm sorry." I whispered, my lust cooling into bitter hatred of myself.
"What are you sorry for?"
Startled that Hiei was awake, I jumped. He turned over on his side to face me, his face half hidden by a pillow. His large red eyes searching my face curiously. Innocently.
"How long have you ben awake?" I asked, somewhat peeved that I had been caught off guard.
"Don't change the subject, Kurama. What are you sorry about?"
Our eyes were barely open and we were already at odds. I sighed and realized my pride was not as important to me as telling Hiei the truth. "I'm sorry for being an unworthy friend to you."
This, as you can imagine, caught Hiei of guard. He sat up and ran his hands up through his wild hair. "You're not unworthy, Kurama....A fool relives his flaws, what caused you to think like this?"
I sat up too, hanging my legs over the side of the bed and facing away from him. I played with a strand of hair from my bangs and tried to think of the right words to say to him. With my luck I would probably say something totally blunt and rediculous like: "kiss me." I laughed. I could tell Hiei was as puzzled as ever because he sat silently and waited for me to gather whatever thoughts were running through my head. Finally I turned to face him. It took all the courage I had to look him in the eye. "Hiei, what am I to you?"
He narrowed those beautiful ruby eyes at my unusual question. "You're my partner and friend...Why are you asking me this?"
"In that order?" I pressed. Hiei had answered exactly as I hoped he would and all I had to do was ask the right questions and hope everything turned out alright.
"No. Not necessarily. When I want you to watch my back, you're there. When I want a friend to be with, you're that friend." He looked down at his hands, I could tell he felt somewhat out of his element by telling me this. I also noticed he used the word 'want' instead of 'need'.
"To be with?" I asked him, hoping for an explaination. He looked up with his ruby eyes through black bangs. "Hai. I can't say much for our convorsations. You're cool way of avoiding the point bores me." He answered instead, folding his arms and sending me an impatient look. God how I wanted to kiss Hiei's scowling lips...
I searched his eyes with my own and leaned towards him slightly. "Do you enjoy being with me?"
He said nothing and I drew closer, my face now almost touching his. "Do you consider me the same type of friend as Yusuke or Kuwabara?"
To this, Hiei snorted, dismissing my question as though it were rediculous. But I desperately wanted to know what was so rediculous about it. The fact that I thought the other two members of our team were competition or the fact that I brought up the subject at all.
"Kurama you know the answer to that question."
I blinked. "I'd feel alot more confident if you told me yourself."
"You and I have known each other much longer than I have known Yusuke. You will always be more important to me."
More important. More important to him....I turned this over in my mind and each time I repeated his words to myself my heart swelled. This lasted until I realized hiei had missed my point. He was not getting the fact that I was asking him if he loved me. If we could ever be closer. More than just friends and partners when it came to saving the human world....
Hiei, seeing the sadness in my eyes, narrowed his and touched my shoulder, a very un-Hiei thing to do. "What is bothering you so much?"
"Would you feel differently if I did this?" I leaned in on him and held his face with my hands, placing a soft kiss on his lips. Hiei's first reaction was to stare at me with wide eyes as I kissed him. The second however, was much more painful. Hiei jerked from my grasp and used his ki to send me crashing backwards into my bedroom wall. I felt my body slam into hard plaster and I cried out in shock and pain before falling to the floor, peices of drywall falling around me.
Too stunned to say or do anything more, I curled into the fetal position and let the throbbing in the back of my head take over any thoughts or emotions that were developing in my traumatized mind.
Hiei stood up. I couldn't see him from my position on the floor but I could tell he was shaking.
"K-kisama...." He sounded frightened.
I winced, my eyes filling with water. Stupid. I was so stupid. Hiei wasn't mine to touch and I had kissed him. It was no wonder he reacted like he did...
I lifted my head painfully off the floor and struggled to raise my bruised body with my arms. I managed to get to my knees when I felt strong hands grab me by the collar of my night shirt. Hiei bore his eyes into mine with such intensity it scared me.
"Don't do this to me, Kurama. Don't mess with me like this!" he shouted, slamming me against the wall once more. This time I didn't cry out. "I'm sorry..." I whispered, closing my eyes and holding onto his wrists. Hiei let me go and backed away slowly, realization reflecting on his normally expressionless face. "You're sorry...Was this what you were apologizing for earlier? You want more than my friendship..."
I looked up at him through bangs slick with sweat. "I...I won't ever do that again, Hiei. I don't know why I did that to you. I'm so sorry."
"LIKE HELL YOU DON'T!" His abrupt rise in voice caused me to shrink back. "What are you thinking? Am I just another potential lover to you, Kurama? Is this why you offered me your bed when it rained? IS IT?!" I swear I half expected him to release his dragon on me. His words hurt worse than the wall.
"...No Hiei. I'm sorry. I thought...I thought I could show you how much your friendship means to me. I just wanted to kiss you, that's all, not hurt or scare you." I rose shakily to my feet and stepped towards him. Hiei recognized my sincerity as I approached him, but continued to look uncertain as he backed away another step. He glanced at my open window before looking back to scowl at me. "I'm not afraid, Kurama."
"You just don't like me that way, I understand. I can live with you at arm's length. There was just--just that hope of something more...it was foolish of me and I apologize." I stopped in front of him and looked down at the floor hoping, PRAYING Hiei would forgive me. If he didn't....I didn't even want to think about that; my head hurt enough already.
Author note: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or any related characters, I just wish I did and therefore come up with stories like this about them. ^_^;;;
WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS SOME LEMON, RAPE and VIOLENCE. (not too graphic)
This short story came to me at about 3AM when I couldn't sleep and thus, had angsty thoughts running through my head. If you don't like yaoi (boy/boy relationships) or simply don't like Hiei/Kurama stories then I recommend you don't read this. I encourage you to have an open mind however. Maybe give it a try? You might like it. And if not, I bet I can still make you cry *wink*
~ Saku
* * *
The first thing I saw this morning when I opened my eyes was Hiei. This wasn't a total surprize to me because it had rained the night before and I had offered him a place to stay on such an occasion. No one deserves to spend the night outside in a thunderstorm and the fact that Hiei chose to sleep in trees increased the odds of him being electricuted and me having a heart attack.
No, it wasn't the fact that my best friend was in my room that surprized me, it was the fact that I wanted him that shocked the hell out of me. I wanted to touch him. To run my fingers down his back and through his hair and--
My eyes widened at my inappropriate desire and I felt my cheeks burn as I watched my friend and fellow spirit detective breath next to me, a solemn expression on his unusually relaxed face.
Each breath he took was probably no louder than a whisper but to my painfully heightened senses they echoed and caused my body temperature to rise abruptly.
Hiei was relaxed. He had remembered my offer of shelter and he had come through my open window to share my bed. Hiei trusted me. How could I take advantage of that trust by allowing my feelings to rage out of control? This was Hiei. No one touched Hiei. He would never allow it...
I rested my chin on my pillow and stared at my headboard sadly, remembering all the times I had either betrayed him or tried to kill him in the past. Our friendship was by no means a domestic one. On more than one occasion I had attempted to kill Hiei. A horrible mistake on my part. And yet here we were....
"I'm sorry." I whispered, my lust cooling into bitter hatred of myself.
"What are you sorry for?"
Startled that Hiei was awake, I jumped. He turned over on his side to face me, his face half hidden by a pillow. His large red eyes searching my face curiously. Innocently.
"How long have you ben awake?" I asked, somewhat peeved that I had been caught off guard.
"Don't change the subject, Kurama. What are you sorry about?"
Our eyes were barely open and we were already at odds. I sighed and realized my pride was not as important to me as telling Hiei the truth. "I'm sorry for being an unworthy friend to you."
This, as you can imagine, caught Hiei of guard. He sat up and ran his hands up through his wild hair. "You're not unworthy, Kurama....A fool relives his flaws, what caused you to think like this?"
I sat up too, hanging my legs over the side of the bed and facing away from him. I played with a strand of hair from my bangs and tried to think of the right words to say to him. With my luck I would probably say something totally blunt and rediculous like: "kiss me." I laughed. I could tell Hiei was as puzzled as ever because he sat silently and waited for me to gather whatever thoughts were running through my head. Finally I turned to face him. It took all the courage I had to look him in the eye. "Hiei, what am I to you?"
He narrowed those beautiful ruby eyes at my unusual question. "You're my partner and friend...Why are you asking me this?"
"In that order?" I pressed. Hiei had answered exactly as I hoped he would and all I had to do was ask the right questions and hope everything turned out alright.
"No. Not necessarily. When I want you to watch my back, you're there. When I want a friend to be with, you're that friend." He looked down at his hands, I could tell he felt somewhat out of his element by telling me this. I also noticed he used the word 'want' instead of 'need'.
"To be with?" I asked him, hoping for an explaination. He looked up with his ruby eyes through black bangs. "Hai. I can't say much for our convorsations. You're cool way of avoiding the point bores me." He answered instead, folding his arms and sending me an impatient look. God how I wanted to kiss Hiei's scowling lips...
I searched his eyes with my own and leaned towards him slightly. "Do you enjoy being with me?"
He said nothing and I drew closer, my face now almost touching his. "Do you consider me the same type of friend as Yusuke or Kuwabara?"
To this, Hiei snorted, dismissing my question as though it were rediculous. But I desperately wanted to know what was so rediculous about it. The fact that I thought the other two members of our team were competition or the fact that I brought up the subject at all.
"Kurama you know the answer to that question."
I blinked. "I'd feel alot more confident if you told me yourself."
"You and I have known each other much longer than I have known Yusuke. You will always be more important to me."
More important. More important to him....I turned this over in my mind and each time I repeated his words to myself my heart swelled. This lasted until I realized hiei had missed my point. He was not getting the fact that I was asking him if he loved me. If we could ever be closer. More than just friends and partners when it came to saving the human world....
Hiei, seeing the sadness in my eyes, narrowed his and touched my shoulder, a very un-Hiei thing to do. "What is bothering you so much?"
"Would you feel differently if I did this?" I leaned in on him and held his face with my hands, placing a soft kiss on his lips. Hiei's first reaction was to stare at me with wide eyes as I kissed him. The second however, was much more painful. Hiei jerked from my grasp and used his ki to send me crashing backwards into my bedroom wall. I felt my body slam into hard plaster and I cried out in shock and pain before falling to the floor, peices of drywall falling around me.
Too stunned to say or do anything more, I curled into the fetal position and let the throbbing in the back of my head take over any thoughts or emotions that were developing in my traumatized mind.
Hiei stood up. I couldn't see him from my position on the floor but I could tell he was shaking.
"K-kisama...." He sounded frightened.
I winced, my eyes filling with water. Stupid. I was so stupid. Hiei wasn't mine to touch and I had kissed him. It was no wonder he reacted like he did...
I lifted my head painfully off the floor and struggled to raise my bruised body with my arms. I managed to get to my knees when I felt strong hands grab me by the collar of my night shirt. Hiei bore his eyes into mine with such intensity it scared me.
"Don't do this to me, Kurama. Don't mess with me like this!" he shouted, slamming me against the wall once more. This time I didn't cry out. "I'm sorry..." I whispered, closing my eyes and holding onto his wrists. Hiei let me go and backed away slowly, realization reflecting on his normally expressionless face. "You're sorry...Was this what you were apologizing for earlier? You want more than my friendship..."
I looked up at him through bangs slick with sweat. "I...I won't ever do that again, Hiei. I don't know why I did that to you. I'm so sorry."
"LIKE HELL YOU DON'T!" His abrupt rise in voice caused me to shrink back. "What are you thinking? Am I just another potential lover to you, Kurama? Is this why you offered me your bed when it rained? IS IT?!" I swear I half expected him to release his dragon on me. His words hurt worse than the wall.
"...No Hiei. I'm sorry. I thought...I thought I could show you how much your friendship means to me. I just wanted to kiss you, that's all, not hurt or scare you." I rose shakily to my feet and stepped towards him. Hiei recognized my sincerity as I approached him, but continued to look uncertain as he backed away another step. He glanced at my open window before looking back to scowl at me. "I'm not afraid, Kurama."
"You just don't like me that way, I understand. I can live with you at arm's length. There was just--just that hope of something more...it was foolish of me and I apologize." I stopped in front of him and looked down at the floor hoping, PRAYING Hiei would forgive me. If he didn't....I didn't even want to think about that; my head hurt enough already.