Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ The Season of the Crystal Feather ❯ The Name-calling contest, Final Round ( Chapter 8 )

Dream: Dream has finally found a way to keep the mutated cheese monsters of cheesy doomness from destroying everything. She has brought goats to eat the cheese. Dream did not think the goats would like cheese but they do so who is Dream to question the mighty taste buds of the goats?

Freckles: Why are you talking about yourself in 3rd person?

Dream: Dream finds it amusing.

Freckles: I find it annoying.

Dream: Dream says that she does too but it amuses her. Give her a couple of hours and she will most likely outgrow the phase.

Freckles: You really need a life.

Dream: Dream thanks you, strange furry creature that can somehow speak English. Now, Dream commands you to say the disclaimer so that the story may start.

Freckles: Alright...Yu Yu Hakusho and its characters belong to Yoshihiro Togashi. Flash and Terminator belong to Winter -iel -o burzum. Hinote and Tundra belong to her friend Mike. All other characters and the crystal belong to Dream unless otherwise noted.

Dream: On with the story!

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The Name-calling contest, Final Round:

"The first match will be...Hinote vs. Hiei!" Kurama read from the papers.

"Yeah! Come on Hinote! Beat that three-eyed little maggot back into the ground where he belongs!" Autumn yelled loudly because of the effects of the excess sugar in her system. Yusuke and Kuwabara started laughing at Hiei.

Flash turned slowly to glare at Autumn, "What did you just call Hiei?"

"Eh...terrifying lobster masher?" Autumn suggested in an attempt to save her remaining brain cells from Flash's fury.

Flash arched an eyebrow, "I know that's not what you said but I'm going to let you get away with it because you're hyper..."

"Yay!" Autumn grinned and hugged Flash tightly.

Flash started struggling and managed to choke out, "Can't breathe..."

"Hey, your face is turning blue! That's bad, right?" Autumn's question was directed at Hinote.

Hinote nodded, "Autumn, maybe you should let go of Flash now."

"Okee dokee Smoky!" Autumn let go of Flash and sat staring at the ceiling and humming Koori no Naifu wo Daite.

Flash was gasping for breath. She then glared at Thorn, "This is entirely your fault."

"I've learned my lesson. I won't give her sugar again." Thorn nodded.

Hinote looked bored, "Can we start now?"

"Huh? Oh! Oh, sure. Begin!" Thorn announced.

Hinote pointed at Hiei, "Three-eyed little maggot."

"Simple minded fool." Hiei responded.

"Antisocial loser,"

"Idiot,"

"You...you...Kuwabara lover!"

Hiei growled and reached for his katana, "You will pay dearly for that, human."

"I think that I will not, pyro boy."

"Sword practice,"

"Brother of Yu..." Hinote never got to finish that sentence as Hiei interrupted.

"That's it!" Hiei yelled as he started chasing Hinote around with his sword.

"Due to the fact that Hiei was the first one to say something without an insult, Hinote is declared the winner!" Thorn announced. "Kurama, pick another name out of the hat."

"Alright," Kurama reached for the hat.

Autumn dove off the arm of the couch onto the floor next to him, "Let me pick the name! Pretty, pretty please? I wanna pick the name-y thingy!"

"Um...ok..." Kurama held the hat out to her.

Autumn reached in and made it seem like she was having a hard time choosing, even though everyone knew there were only two names in the hat. She finally pulled one out and read it. "Uwntnb..."

"What the...?" Flash walked over and took the paper. "Idiot! That's your name!"

"My name is Uwntnb? Since when?" Autumn narrowed her eyes at Flash.

Flash held the paper out to her, "When you hold it this way it says Autumn. When you hold it upside down it says uwntnb...sort of...how the hell do you get a b from that?"

"Oh! That's so cool!" Autumn took the paper and started turning it around a bunch of times.

Hinote rolled his eyes and looked at Thorn. Thorn put up her hands in defense. "I'll never give her sugar again, I promise."

"So the next match is Autumn vs. Hinote." Kurama announced.

"Yay!" Autumn announced.

"Not yay!" Hinote looked worried.

Flash rolled her eyes, "Hinote, you chicken, she's sugar happy, she can't possibly win."

"But when she's sugar happy she has an endless supply of randomly put together words that form elaborate and strange insults!" Hinote whined.

"Just start the match." Flash said to Thorn.

Thorn nodded and moved her hand down as if slicing the air. "Begin!"

"Um...idiot?" Hinote started, a bit unsure of himself.

"Very good, Pikushii-chan." Autumn nodded. Yusuke and Kuwabara burst out laughing.

Hinote glared at Autumn, "Stranger person!"

"Monkey feet."

"Loser face!"

"Moronic goat cheese eating shoe monkey,"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, cheesy one?"

"Your idiocy irritates me, make pie now."

"Um...No? I'm not your servant, ya spoiled brat."

"I think you are knave."

"Wow, you can think? Amazing!"

"Ha-ha that was so funny my spleen exploded. I slap you, madam."

"I'm not a madam! If anyone's a madam it's Kurama!" Hinote pointed at the redhead.

Flash moved away, "Uh-oh...He shouldn't have said that..."

"Why not?" Yusuke asked as he and the rest of us turned to look at Flash.

Flash shook her head, "Let's just say fan girls get very protective."

"I KILL YOU, BASTARD MONKEY OF DOOM!" Autumn yelled before lunging at Hinote and biting his leg.

"ARGH! She's attacking me! Get her away! Get her away!" Hinote yelled as he shook his leg.

"Well, since Hinote's last statement didn't have an insulting phrase, I declare Autumn the winner!" Thorn announced.

Hinote fell onto the ground and started trying to crawl away from Autumn. She still was biting his leg. Thorn poked her, "If you keep biting his leg you'll be disqualified and you won't win the shiny necklace."

"SHINY!!" Autumn yelled as she let go of Hinote and sat looking around for the shiny.

Hinote moved away limping a bit and started rubbing his leg. "Damn it, if I had known she would've attacked me for saying that about Kurama I wouldn't have said it!"

"Come on, you know Autumn. You should've expected that. She does twitch violently every time somebody insults Kurama except if I'm the one insulting Kurama. Then she starts insulting Hiei." Flash mused.

Hiei arched an eyebrow. Kurama crossed off Hinote's name on the scorekeeping sheet while Autumn watched him closely out of boredom and hyperness. Thorn declared happily, "The final match will be Autumn vs. Flash!"

"This ought to be interesting as hell..." Hinote said to the others as he took a bag of popcorn out of Autumn's bag and started eating it.

Yusuke leaned back in his chair, "Finally, some good entertainment!"

"Honestly, I don't know how you find friends insulting each other to be entertaining. It seems rather mean to me..." Kurama said quietly.

"Stop being such a goody two shoes!" Yusuke scolded Kurama.

Autumn glared at Yusuke, "You want him to be a drop out idiot like you doomed to spend the rest of his life working in a McDonalds flipping burgers because he doesn't have the education to do anything else and wind up living in a cardboard box in the alleys of a city where he'll eventually get poisoned by the government in an attempt to get rid of the homeless and then his body will be thrown in a river where fish will eat it?"

"Oh sure, make me feel like I'm lower than dirt." Yusuke crossed his arms and glared at Autumn.

Flash smiled, "Oh, but you are lower than dirt, Yusuke."

"I hate you, both of you." Yusuke said as he glared at the two girls.

Flash and Autumn smiled and gave each other a high-five. Kurama covered his mouth to hide his smile and Hiei smirked. Hinote pat Yusuke on the back.

"You'll get used to it."

"You know you luffels us!" Flash and Autumn said to Hinote at the same time as they stood on either side of him and made themselves look as sweet and cute as possible.

Hinote looked back and forth between the girls and groaned, "What do you two want?"

"Your wallet and all the money in it." Flash said.

"A plush toy fox!" Autumn said at the same time that Flash said the thing with the wallet.

Hinote took his wallet out of his pocket in order to tease Flash. Before he could blink or say the word 'friggermuffin' the wallet was gone from his hands. "What the...? WHERE'S MY WALLET?!"

"Hmm...Only $20...ah, oh well, it's enough to buy me a couple days worth of coffee." Flash grinned and put the wallet into her pocket.

"HEY! That's my wallet!!" Hinote yelled.

Flash smirked, "Why on Earth would your wallet be in my pocket? No, this is my wallet."

"But...but...that's not fair!!" Hinote whined.

"You'll get used to it." Autumn and Flash mocked at the same time. Yusuke pointed at Hinote and laughed. Hinote pouted and crossed his arms.

Thorn turned to Autumn and Flash, "Are you two ready to start your match yet?"

"Yeah, I'm ready." Autumn nodded.

Flash grinned, "Let's get started then."

"Alright, Begin!" Thorn announced. She then sat down near Kurama to look at the doodles Autumn made on the score sheet.

"Crazy." Flash began.

"Violent." Autumn stated.

"Overly happy person."

"Pessimist."

"Optimist."

"Worshipper of the evil goat cheese of doom."

"Pansy worshipper."

"What mean you, knife happy one?" Autumn arched an eyebrow.

"I mean that Kurama's a pansy." Flash nodded.

Autumn's eye twitched, "In that case, Hiei is a Chihuahua."

"Kurama's a girl in disguise!"

"Hiei's a flea."

"Kurama carries dead things in his hair."

"Hiei wears a wig."

"Kurama likes to wear dresses."

"Kurama looks cute in a dress. Hiei is a Snow White wannabe."

"Kurama's a Kenshin clone."

"I have photographical proof that Hiei's Sailor Moon's stunt double."

Yusuke turned to look at Hinote who was eating popcorn from the bag he took out earlier. "How long will they keep insulting Hiei and Kurama like this?" Yusuke asked.

"Until one of them gets violent, of course." Hinote answered.

Kurama and Hiei were sweat dropping. Kurama smiled nervously, "Such strange insults..."

"Sailor Moon's stunt double?!" Hiei asked.

Yusuke started laughing along with Kuwabara. Hinote nodded, "I've seen the picture. It's funny looking."

"PICTURE?!" Hiei yelled causing more laughter.

Hinote had left his popcorn bag hanging so Tundra ran over and grabbed it. "MY POPCORN!!!!!!!" Hinote yelled as he began to chase Tundra around. "TUNDRA!!! GIMME MY POPCORN!!!!!!"

The chase went unnoticed by the two girls as they continued to insult each other's favorite character. After watching the chase for a bit everyone turned back to the contest and started ignoring the boy and dog. Autumn and Flash were glaring at each other.

"Hiei's an escapee from the Munchkin village in Oz." Autumn growled.

Flash glared, "You idiot! I'm the same height as him!"

"Then you both escaped together."

Flash hit Autumn over the head with the metal pipe, "I KILL YOU!!"

"Um...that doesn't qualify as an insult so...Autumn wins!" Thorn announced.

Flash was still repeatedly hitting Autumn with the pipe. Kurama got up and took the pipe from Flash. "That's enough of that!" Kurama scolded.

"Aww...is fox boy being protective of his girlfriend?" Thorn asked in a sweet yet mocking voice.

Kurama grumbled and glared at Thorn. Autumn did the same. The others started laughing. I looked at the humans in confusion and turned to Terminator to ask him what was going on. Before I could ask, Hinote caught one end of the bag of popcorn and started to have a tug-of-war with Tundra. The bag ripped and popcorn went flying everywhere. Hinote caught some of the popcorn out of the air and ate it. Tundra did the same.

Thorn walked over and crossed her arms. Her eyes narrowed as she spoke, "Clean up this mess now or suffer…"

"I don't think he has to clean it up." Autumn pointed at Tundra who was eating the popcorn off the floor.

"No! Tundra! That's bad for you!" Hinote yelled as he tried to pull Tundra away from the popcorn.

Tundra growled and struggled to get more popcorn. The rest of us were watching in mild amusement. Hinote finally gave up and started gathering popcorn from the floor to eat.

Thorn turned up her nose in disgust, "You're going to eat that after it's been on the floor?!"

"Yeah, sure, you saying your floors aren't clean enough to eat off of?" Hinote asked.

Thorn shook her head, "My floors are the cleanest floors in all of Makai!"

"Translation: How dare you insult my pride! I'll tell you that my floors are clean and keep insisting it even if you die from some kind of poison which could very well happen." Autumn nodded.

Thorn glared at Autumn as Yusuke and Kuwabara laughed. Kurama bit his thumb to keep from laughing. Hiei and Flash smirked. Tundra and Hinote continued eating popcorn. Terminator and I watched all this in amusement.

Kurama pointed at the pendant Thorn was carrying, "Shouldn't you give that to Autumn?"

"Huh? Oh! Oh, yeah, here." Thorn handed the pendant to Autumn.

Autumn grinned and hugged it. "Yay for shiny things!"

There was a ringing from Yusuke's pocket. Automatically, Autumn yelled, "Door!"

"It's my communication mirror, baka." Yusuke said as he took out the purple mirror and opened it.

Everyone gathered around where Yusuke was sitting. Botan's face appeared on the screen. "Yusuke, Koenma has some information that might be useful to you. He'd like you to come to Reikai first thing tomorrow morning."

"Fine." Yusuke groaned and closed the mirror.

Flash rolled her eyes, "Oh joy, we get to go to Reikai to visit Pacifier Breath."

"Damn, that just ruined my happy moment." Autumn frowned.

Yusuke pointed at them and turned to Kurama, "See? I'm not the only one that hates him!"

"Everybody hates Koenma." Thorn pointed out.

Flash shook her head, "Not Botan."

"Well, Botan doesn't count. She luffels Koenma." Autumn nodded.

Yusuke perked up, "I sense blackmail material."

"I suppose we should get some sleep, ne?" Kurama interrupted.

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For the sake of giving Dream more time to work on her new fic, this chapter will not have a finishing author's note. Instead, Dream would like to entertain you with funny Hiei pictures.

1: http://img25.photobucket.com/albums/v74/blizzardjade/hiei/snow_hiei.jpg

2. http://img25.photobucket.com/albums/v74/blizzardjade/hiei/sailorhiei.jpg