Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ the Shadows that Bind (marina's finest work) ❯ Hiei chapter: Forced to breath ( Chapter 19 )

I just realised… I forgot to describe your demon form to you! You are in your demon dorm, Demon Slayer form, and I forgot!!! WAH!!! T_T Anyways… I have one right here. This is for when you were in your room and you had destroyed everything you had touched.

You had wings, exactly Maku's, your hair had become long and white… you could not see your eyes… but in the mirror… you saw they were blood red… Your canines had lengthened into unnaturally long fangs… like a vampire… you could feel power emanate off of you… dark… and distant…

Oh…yeah… anyways, here's a warning!! I think I might make this R! Ok? So add this to faves etc… so you don't lose it. OH! I have found my songs… the ones that seem to relate to how I feel… Easier to Run… and also Hit the floor, and Nobody's listening… I love that song… (me no own) I thought of this while I was listening to the CD I got for my Birthday…

I can't be anything that anyone wants me to be

And I'm always falling short of what they expect me to be…

Nothing is going to change,

Because I know this may be as good as I can get…

And no one cares I'm slipping from their ways

And soon going to fall too deep for anyone to pull me out…

And now no one cares…

And neither do I…

Because maybe this is as good as I can get…

And no one cares…

So as I bang my head into this wardrobe door

Thinking of everyone with each passing thud

My blood now painted on the door…

And maybe this is as good as I get…

As I sink further down… I understand why I chatted upon the net…

They gave me the kind words that I so needed

They didn't get angry… they didn't yell

They didn't criticise…

They were kind…

And I didn't care if they were murderers 'cause death would be release….

And the world I knew was cruel…

And maybe this is as good as I can get…

So now…

Don't cry for me,

For I am already dead…

I have lost myself to what I thought was reality

But only a fantasy

And I know that I can't exist here…

And maybe this is as good as I can get…

I hate myself

And looking back upon what I have done makes me sick to my stomach..

And I feel everyone's mocking gazes upon me…

Laughing at me…

Mocking me…

Screaming at me….

And I know that maybe this is as good as I can get…

The people around me don't see that they hurt me

They don't see that I'm almost over the edge

On the edge of a sharp blade ready to strike through my chest

And allow the warmth that once fuelled my body

To turn to ice cold death

And maybe this is as good as I can get…

Even the counsellors don't understand how I feel…

And I sink further into the dark pit of my own oblivion

So far I can't see the light anymore…

So far I don't care if I live or die

So far that my school work doesn't matter anymore….

And maybe this is as good as I can get…

No one can see how deep this goes

Now I feel just so alone

And no one is listening

And no one cares

So I sink even deeper into the darkness

And I keep on falling back into that pit

And maybe this is as good as I can get….

I know I'm always wrong about everything

My drawings aren't good enough anymore…

Nothing is good enough anymore…

Everyone else is going perfectly fine…

They haven't sunken from being on chat

And I see that I just can't last

I'm just too fragile…

And I know this maybe as good as I can get…

Nothing I try is good enough for me

Not good enough for anyone

And I'm sorry everyone,

That I can't be perfect…

And I'm just giving up,

Here in this emptiness…

Here with all the loneliness

I know that no one cares that I've sunk this far

And I know that no one cares I want to die

And no one cares that the yelling at me for me to be perfect

Just isn't helping, only making it worse…

I'm so deep that I don't care anymore…

And now… I know… that this is as good as I can get

And I can't take it….

For much longer…

Disclaimer: Hiei's eyes are red, my eyes are blue… I don't own Yu Yu, so now no one can sue

The darkness this time, seemed to be much more… not the normal darkness… but something else…

"…I'm…I'm going to be f-f-fine…" you heard someone say, you turned, and within the darkness, you saw it had ripped like cloth… open to a scene… everything was burning… everything… the ruins of a city… bodies were flaming… you unconsciously stepped towards the scene, your hand reaching out to the rift… and your fingertips touched the portal… it was like there was something in-between… like…water… your fingers made ripples on the barrier… you put your hand through… and it vanished, you pulled it back, in shock… it was still there, attached at the wrist. You sighed, and put your hand through, than, you stepped forwards…

The smoke was everywhere…. People were running in panic, screaming out at you, at everything, screaming in pain… the heat was all around you, you were in the centre of the flames… and shocked, looking out as mothers ran with children… they were all Demon slayers… you looked around, and saw what they were running from… an army…. An army of darkness… the creatures that made it were to hideous and gut wrenchingly disgusting to even imagine in your widest of nightmares… nothing could compare to the fear they set in your heart….

The cloaked figures… they led the army… one gave off a dark aura… but he was chained like a prisoner by the darkness… the one with a light aura… was free, and led the army…

I can't separate myself from what I've done…

Than, you saw, chained behind the one who gave off a dark aura, was another… but it was a demon slayer, you could tell by the wings… the army walked towards you, you were rooted to the spot… you couldn't scream, you wanted to run… but you couldn't… the army was almost to you… you panicked, and looked down to your feet… they were engulfed in flames, that gave off intense heat… but did not burn you….

What was going on?

The army was upon you, you shielded yourself with your arms, knowing they were going to trample you…

But no impact came, you opened your eyes….

And saw…

They were walking through you… all of them… suddenly, a rift opened in front of you, and someone pulled you from the burning rubble…

Hiei's blood red eyes greeted you, your heart pulsed….

"Bitch!" he growled, and slapped you hard, you fell to the ground, you were in a field, an endless plain of grass…

You winced in pain, what made him do that to you? Why did he love to cause you pain?

"Don't you scare me like that!" he growled, glaring down at you, you looked up at him, and he knelt beside you, staring straight into your eyes… he put his arm around your waist and pulled you towards him, and started to kiss you passionately… he hadn't been satisfied with marking your physical body…. But now he was to dominate you mind and spirit too?

And you knew you couldn't stop him… and you gave into his kiss… letting him seemingly devour you, it felt so right and yet…

So wrong… he stopped, and looked away from you, obviously feeling the same …way… "Why do you make this feel so… so….so twisted, ____?" he sighed and looked to the floor. Something was very wrong… why had he stopped?

Wasn't he sort who did what he wanted, not caring about what someone else felt?

But than again… he did say that it felt wrong…

You knew though, it wasn't you who made it feel wrong… he was…

"I'm not making it feel wrong! You a-!" he slapped you, why did he keep doing that? It hurt, you skidded across the grass, your cheek felt like it had been torn apart, ripped to shredsw, you put your hand to your cheek… and winced in pain, you felt warm liquid touch your hand, you pulled your hand away, your hand was covered with your black blood… you looked from your hand to Hiei, who looked at your hand, his red eyes wide,

"Why do you keep hurting me so much?" you whispered. A single tear slipped from your eye… and materialised into a gem of deepest darkness… as it fell, and hit the ground…you felt intense pain, like you were burning up. Black flames were engulfing you, surrounding you in a painful cage, Hiei's eyes widened even more and he ran to you, through the flames. He put his arms protectively around you, shielding you from the flames that licked around you, it looked like he was trying to force the flames away from you two… but it wasn't working, he gritted his teeth, putting up with the intense heat, you looked up at his face.

Why was he doing it? Only a moment ago, he had caused you so much pain… he was saving you…

You had to try to help him… you sent him as much of your own energy to help him, you could feel how hard he was trying…

But why did he care?

He didn't seem like the type to be like this… maybe you had him all wrong… you couldn't really understand him… you felt energy flow through you, and you fed it to Hiei, fuelling his power, his grip around you tightened, and you could feel and see pure energy pulse out of him… the flames were pushed away… and vanished…

Hiei groaned, and fell back from you… his eyes closed…

"Hiei!" you gasped and turned… you shuffled to another point around him, and took his pulse… nothing… "Hiei… come on... please don't die…" you stroked his cheek…

He had sacrificed himself to save you… it was your fault he was dead… your fault… your fault…

You kissed his lips… they were already cold….

"No…No… Hiei… please… please… please come back to me… I don't want to alone again…." You picked up his torso, and cried into his cold chest… willing him to awaken… willing him to live… you cried… and your tears crystallized in the black fabric of his shirt… but he wouldn't wake up… you felt him starting to fade… you knew this was your last chance to stop him from leaving…

You forced a cage of your energy around you two, caging his spirit, not allowing it to leave the world of the living…

You awoke with a start, but couldn't get up, you looked, and saw Hiei's body on top of you….

But he was not living…

"No….please…please make this be an illusion…" You wrapped your arms around his body…

"Please… please say this isn't true…" you cried into his bare chest, it was warm no more… just… freezing cold…. He had marked you… and died… your… your last words to him had been so horrid… and now… it was too late to take them back… "Oh please… please… Hiei….wake up…." You cried….

But you knew it was no use… he was gone… gone… forever….

Hiei

I'm…I'm…. I'm dead…

How is it possible, that I, the great Jaganshi, died for this… this scum….

No… no she is not scum, she is my mate… MY mate…. There is nothing she can do to change that… nothing….not even with this….

Is… is she crying for me? Weeping over my death…?

No! She is probably crying tears of joy that her pain is over…

I walked to her, knowing she could not see nor hear me….

"Baka….." I whispered, and smirked… she kept on crying…

"No...please….make this be an illusion…." Her arms wrapped around my old flesh….

How I wanted to feel her arms around me once more… feel her under me….

What had this woman done to me to make me so weak…. And make me want her so badly, that even in death all I can think of is her….

"Please…please say this isn't true…." Her tears materialised into black crystals upon my flesh and blood chest…

How I wanted to feel those tears… I craved for them… I craved for her touch… her every move… I craved her…. Body and soul…

I cannot lie, I lust for her with all my mind… all my soul….

"Oh please…please Hiei…. Wake up…"

Why does this feel so gut wrenching? I can't bare to see her like this… but….

I moved back to my body, and tried to posses it… I forced it to live, I forced it to breath….

Yes…. I'm ending it RIGHT THERE!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!!!!!!

…if that isn't the shortest chapter……

BUT IT WAS A GOOOOOOOOOOOD CHAPTER!!!!! I'm SURE my reviewers agree!

Sorry this chapter took so long, and ended up so short….

Yeah….. You see, right now my Grandpa is in hospital and is VERY VERY ill…. And it has been very hard to continue to post….

Yes, we BOTH apologise that this took so long…………….

Anyways…… REVIEW AND prove me right and say this is the WORST chapter EVER….

NO!!!! REVIEW AND PROVE HER WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, A big THANKIES to all my new reviewers…

May you become addicted to this as I am addicted to Twitch….

The next chapter will be up as soon as possible…

Until than., SEE YOU!!!!!!