Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ The Toilet Paper Haters Club (TPHC) ❯ Enter the TPHC ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or anything like that, but my muse, Yoko Kurama, and his friend Hiei Jaganshi own the Toilet Paper Haters Club (A.k.a. ~ the TPHC) so I guess I do too.

Author's Note: I wrote this fic because I was curious to see if the TPHC was ready to go public, and thanks to several fellow members, this is now possible. ^^

Chapter 1: Enter the TPHC

Upon entering your bathroom one morning, you are surprised to find that there are two men already inside. One is tall and lean with long silver hair, the other is shorter with black hair. They smile and act as though there is nothing wrong. The taller one begins speaking.

~*~

Yoko Kurama: *with an annoying tour guide voice* Welcome! And prepare to enter the realm of the Toilet Paper Haters Club! Allow myself and Hiei to prepare you for you initiation to this organization!

Hiei: *wearing a hat in the shape of a hotdog* Hn. As the Vice President of the Toilet Paper Haters Club, or the TPHC, I feel it is my duty to inform you of its complicated rules and regulations. They are as follows:

1) We hate toilet paper, and so should you.

2) We really hate toilet paper.

Yoko Kurama: *pauses* Well, they really aren't all that complicated after all, are they? - But never the less, those are the rules. If you fail to live up to these expectations, severe consequences will result. *evil grin*

Hiei: Yes, death by dust bunnies! *begins laughing maniacally*

Yoko Kurama: We have our connections. *smirk* So on to the history of the club! *turns to Jim the coconut* Please fill them in, since it is your sworn duty as the historian.

~*~

A small brown coconut is currently seated on you toilet, it is wearing a pair of sunglasses. It remains perfectly still.

~*~

Jim the coconut: *silence*

Hiei: Wise words those are! *bows to coconut* And for those of you who didn't catch what he said, or even see his lips move, we shall translate.

Jim the coconut: *utter silence*

Yoko Kurama: Jim states that this wonderfully organized organization began as a result of violent attacks by several rolls of toilet paper.

Hiei: *nods* I was an innocent victim; I was completely unsuspecting. I shall share my story with you.

~ FLASHBACK - 3 months ago ~

We see an image of Hiei (chibitized for sympathetic support) sitting on the toilet, his pants around his ankles, a large newspaper in hand. The headline reads: ADULT DIAPER SALES SKY ROCKET! He is humming quietly to himself, kicking his feet.

After several seconds, he reaches for the toilet paper - and he misses, falls on the floor and sends the roll flying into the toilet. His foot becomes entangled in it and he is promptly pulled into the toilet.

~ END FLASHBACK ~

Hiei: It was terrible, so I went in search of someone who shared my horrors of toilet paper. That's when I found out that Yoko Kurama was beginning an organization to help under-privileged victims of toilet paper related incidents.

Jim the Coconut: *rolls to the side* *silence*

Yoko Kurama: I also was a victim of the toilet paper industry. I gladly share my story with you to prepare you for what to do in case of this occurrence.

~ FLASHBACK - 4 months ago ~

Yoko Kurama, having just become the muse of Kawaii Youko, was in need of a rest room break after a long, drawn out game of tag. He dashed to the bath room, while Kawaii Youko took a seat at her computer.

Suddenly a yell issued from the bath room, catching everyone off guard. Kawaii, concerned for her muse, rushed to the bath room, her katana drawn. The horrors within would haunt her for minutes to come.

Yoko Kurama lay on the floor, wrapped in a cocoon of soggy toilet paper. He flailed his arms and legs helplessly, trying to break its grasp.

Only after having Kawaii cut him free, did he regain his memory of the event.

~ END FLASHBACK ~

Yoko Kurama: I was forced to be sent to the hospital for several lacerations and a concussion. I was never the same.

Hiei: *shaking his head sympathetically* I feel for you man.

Yoko Kurama: That having happened, I filed a suit against the toilet paper company for harassment. I lost the case after a man carrying a roll to the stand walked too close and I was forced to be removed from the court room. But I now aim to inform the general public of the dangers of using toilet paper.

Jim the coconut: *rolls to other side* *still utter silence*

Hiei: Yes, and there is a way you can help us! You can join our wonderful club; we are always looking for new members.

Yoko Kurama: *nods in agreement* We will be in touch.

~*~

The two men and the coconut bow to you before dashing out of your home. All the while, screaming: WE HATE TOILET PAPER, YES WE DO! WE HATE TOILET PAPER, HOW ABOUT YOU? SPARE THE INNOCENT!

>>>

Well, that's the end to the first chapter, and let me say, I have no part in this. I am not an active member; I am actually being forced to write this against my will! The TPHC thanks you for your time, and they remind you to please review.

Kawaii Youko ^_~