Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ The Voice of Your Eyes ❯ Chapter Three ( Chapter 3 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

A/N: This is the sequel to The Wreck of My Memories. It's another story from Hiei's POV. There is mild shounen-ai.

Disclaimer: All rights belong to Yoshihiro Togashi and Shonen Jump. No infringement intended, etc etc all that jazz. I'm poor so don't sue.

Rating is M for language.

The Voice of Your Eyes

By Terri Botta 2005

Chapter Three

We are silent as we begin the climb up the narrow trail through the forest. I make no pretence that I don't know where I am going because I traveled this trail many, many times in the past. If my familiarity with the terrain surprises Kurama, he doesn't say. He stays as silent as I and I am grateful for that. Kurama always seems to know what I need.

Right now I am driven by the need to know and the dread of not really wanting to know. If it is Uma, that means Itsuro buried her alive. If it is not Uma, then it could mean that something took over her corpse. Either way the ramifications are unpleasant to think about. I grip the hilt of my katana, noting that the stone talisman wrapped in the binding fits right into my palm, and grit my teeth. The urge to fight and kill is growing within me. I am getting angry. I don't like how this situation is making me feel…

“Hiei… Are you alright?” the kitsune finally asks me.

“Shut up,” I bark back.

I wince at my harshness but I can't deal with him right now. I pick up my pace and he hurries to keep up with me. At one point he moves to go straight while I turn sharply to the left. I see him pause and falter, wondering what I am up to until he realizes that I have taken a side trail that he hadn't seen. It's a steeper track but it's a short-cut.

Up and up we go and I feel weighted down by more than just the strain of the climb. I set my jaw and ram through it, slicing the ache in my heart with my anger. I am not afraid. I am not dreading this…

The trail ends and I turn towards the last narrow track that leads up to the clearing where Uma's hut once stood. I look to Kurama out of the corner of my eye to see what he is going to do. If he moves to go up the path, then I know he intends to head for the hut. If he doesn't and looks to me, then I will know I have been mistaken. I hold my breath as he looks at me with concern then turns for the trail.

I think my body is partially numb. I know I am having difficulty feeling my limbs as I fall into step beside him and we begin the climb together. I'm sweating but not because of the exertion.

“You've been here before,” Kurama says, breaking the silence between us. His voice is thick with worry.

“Hn,” I answer.

“Hiei…”

“Stop,” I order and give him a glare. He sees my sweaty brow, my clenched fists and purses his lips thoughtfully. “Just… lead the way,” I say, my voice much more strained than I would have liked.

He frowns, but nods. He is, first and foremost, my closest friend, and I know I can trust him to do what I need him to do. Right now he is leading me to my childhood home, and to an uncertain outcome, but I am glad he is here. I know he will take care of me if anything happens. There is great comfort in that.

We make the last turn and the clearing is revealed. Kurama moves towards the hut but I pause to look at it. It's much more run down than I remember. The roof is in desperate need of repair and the supports are leaning slightly, but there is no mistaking that this is the hut where I spent the first six months of my life. This place is where Uma and I lived so many years ago. The sick feeling in my gut returns full force.

Kurama is calling out, announcing our presence, and I am struck by the need to run away. I do not want to be here. I don't want to see this. Even if it is her, I don't want her to know who I am…

Fool. If it is her and she sees you, she will know immediately who you are.

My mind is still at war when a figure comes haltingly out of the trees and all thoughts of flight leave my body as I look at her. There is no mistaking that shape… that face…

She… looks older and she's cut her hair short. I don't like it. I cannot see her throat because she has wrapped herself in a scarf and cloak, but I can see the wooden peg she now has for her left leg below the knee. She walks with the help of a long staff, using it to brace herself as she comes towards us. My mind screams but I am rooted to the ground, unable to move.

At first, she only sees Kurama and she gives him a smile that reaches her violet eyes. He greets her with a bow, then turns to introduce me, but the moment she sees me I know no introductions will be necessary. Her face becomes slack and her eyes open wide in shock and amazement. I remain glued to the spot where I stand as she hobbles her way over to me. My heart is pounding in my chest. I don't know what I am going to say…

She stops just a few hands-breadths away from me and we stare at each other. Her eyes say everything. They are wide and full of hope and unshed tears. She drops the bag of herbs she is carrying and reaches out to me with one gloved hand.

“Uma,” I whisper.

Her fingers brush my cheek and I don't pull away from the touch. Then the tears begin to roll down her face as she grasps my shoulder in an iron-grip that seems far too strong for her thin hand. She pulls me forward and my numb body goes into her embrace without resistance. Her arms wrap around me and I hear her staff clatter to the ground as she presses me close to her body. My head barely reaches her shoulder but she doesn't seem to care as she hugs me tighter than I have ever been hugged. If I could feel my arms, I probably would push her away but since I cannot, there is nothing I can do.

There are no words and the silence is almost deafening. I can hear her ragged breathing as she holds me, but there are no words in my mind from her. I probe the spot in my head that she once occupied and find it still dark and empty. It unsettles me.

Didn't Kurama tell me she was a telepath? I have never had trouble hearing thoughts before. Why is my mind now silent?

My doubts begin to rise in me and I gently try to extract myself from her arms. The movement sets her off balance and, without her staff to hold her, she stumbles and begins to fall. My reaction is immediate and requires no conscious thought. I catch her before she hits the ground. Kurama is there, his eyes still full of questions, and he helps me steady her on her feet… or foot and peg as the case may be. As he hands her the staff, she cups his cheek and gives him a look that is pure gratitude before giving me one that is pure adoration. She is so happy she's glowing and a lump forms in my throat.

“Let's go inside, shall we?” he says, picking up the bag of herbs.

The woman who looks like Uma nods and takes my hand, tugging me with her as she makes her way to the hut. I allow her to do this but I am not sure why I don't wrench my hands from that iron grip

The interior is as I remember it, although the furniture has been rearranged to avoid the obvious leaks in the roof. And she's added a small wood-burning cook stove in place of the old hearth. Hn. That's new.

Kurama, ever the gentleman, pulls out one of the old wooden chairs and bids Uma to sit down.

“You should get off your feet. You've had quite a shock obviously,” he says gently.

She releases my hand long enough for her to sit on the chair but takes it again just as soon as she is settled. She gazes up at me, her cheeks still wet with her tears but her eyes hold nothing but joy. We stare at each other as Kurama makes himself busy by preparing tea. I pull my hand from her grasp and she lets go only reluctantly until she sees that I intend to sit on the chair facing her. I look at her and say nothing until Kurama places the tea in front of us.

In truth, I don't know what to say. It looks like Uma, smells like her too, but I know I saw her die and the place in my head is still empty. She obviously recognizes me and has some memories of me, but if she is a changeling or a parasite, she could have gotten those memories from invading Uma's mind.

`Hiei,' Kurama's voice speaks in my head. `Why don't you say something?'

“Hn?” I say.

`She is saying that she is so happy to see you… Can't you hear her?'

`No,' I answer, my mood darkening.

“Oh,” he says aloud and turns to Uma. “Silence, or is it Uma…”

She nods at the name and he smiles.

“Uma, for some reason Hiei cannot hear your thoughts…”

She looks at me, confused, then her eyes turn disappointed and gaze down at her lap. Kurama stares at her, his face serious and I get the impression that she is talking to him.

“I see,” he says after several long moments. “She says that you lived here when you were a baby; that she took care of you when you were little.”

“Hn,” I reply, narrowing my eyes.

I can't hear her. I could always at least feel her. I'm confused and unsettled and that always makes me angry. This woman cannot be Uma. Uma is dead. Uma sacrificed herself for my worthless hide. This has to be a trick; a cruel, twisted, fucked-up trick…

I am not amused!

“Hiei?” Kurama questions.

“Uma is dead. You are dead. I saw your body. I looked into your sightless eyes,” I say coldly. “I watched Itsuro dump you into a shallow grave before he dragged me away from your cold corpse. The place in my head where you listened is empty.”

“Hiei…” the stupid kitsune breathes, taking a step to stand behind Uma, or the thing that looks like Uma but cannot be Uma.

Uma is dead!

My rage burns hot and swift. This thing has taken over the body of the only woman who ever loved me. It has desecrated her grave and stolen her corpse to animate itself.

“I don't know what is going on. I don't know what kind of a trick you are trying to pull, but I won't forgive you!” I growl.

“Hiei!” Kurama yells, but he cannot stop me. I will know the truth!

I lunge at her, tearing the Seal off my Jagen, as I grab her by the skull. The chair topples over and I land heavily, straddling her waist, as my Eye opens. I hold her head fast, making her look into my eyes as I force my mind on hers and rip into her soul…

A barren empty plane. A snow-swept mountain pass. A woman, alone and seeking sanctuary finds an abandoned hut deep in the forest. She repairs the old structure and chooses to live there, away from others, alone but content in her solitude. Years pass.

A thief brings her an abandoned infant and her solitude is ended. The child banishes the loneliness she hadn't even realized she felt. He is her heart. Her joy.

He is Hiei.

Love and pride. Happiness and bittersweet sadness. His road will be hard.

Love is the only thing I can give him.

The baby grows into a child. Dark and somber. His eyes reveal his pain.

Oh, Hiei. How can I help you to heal these wounds which are not your fault?

Brief springtime and summer. The seasons pass to fall. The snows will come soon. The child is growing fast.

Hiei. My little one. I love you so much…

A trip into civilization; a place she does not like to go but knows that she must. Her son needs clothes and there are things that must be acquired before the winter…

Danger! Danger to the one she holds most precious!

Hiei! Hiei run!

She sees what is about to happen. She knows she has no choice. She will die, but her son will live.

I'll take all of you with me you bastards! No one hurts my son!!

Power. The force of a gale as she brought the lightening down into her body and sent it out amplified with her own ki. The bandits scream as their bodies are burned up by the attack, but she herself feels no pain.

Her body is numb. Her energy is leaving her. She sends out one more mental tap to make sure her child is safe before she lets go.

Live, Hiei. Live and grow strong. I love you.

Blackness. Blackness for a long time, and then awareness. It is dark. It is cold. She is alone and barely alive. She reaches out to the surrounding land to grasp a trickle of power…

“HIEI STOP IT!”

Kurama's voice as he rips me away from the woman beneath me and throws me halfway across the hut. I come out of her mind with a terrible wrench, shaking and nauseous from the visions I have witnessed.

It is Uma. She was still alive! Itsuro buried her and she was still alive! She spent years trapped in the ground, imprisoned by a tattered rag of a cloak that acted as her shroud and a layer of dirt and stones. She couldn't move. She couldn't see. She didn't even have the strength to mentally call out for help. All she could do was lay there and leech power from the earth in order to heal herself.

I am sick. I am trembling. I raise my eyes to meet hers as she struggles to sit up. Kurama is helping her, supporting her under the shoulder, but she is reaching for me.

“Hiei,” Kurama says and I realize that he is speaking for her.

There is no recrimination in her eyes, no hate or anger. I just raped her mind with my Jagan and she has already forgiven me. Guilt crashes down; shame and hatred of myself for my cowardly deed. Bile rises in my throat, burning the inside of my neck and sending pain down into my chest. My breath is heaving, my heart pounding. I am silent and stunned.

“Hiei…”

Her hands reach out to me but I shake my head, warning her away. Then I do the only thing I can do before I shatter into a million pieces that no one will ever be able to find.

I flee.