Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Things the Yu Yu Hakusho Characters Would Never Say ❯ Special Subjects ( Chapter 9 )

I’m back, yay! I’ve finally updated! Sorry it took so long, but the up side to it is that this chapter’s about 3,000 words! ^^ Anywho, this chapter has special dedicated subjects to some of my favorite shows, movies, manga, stupid quotes I and people around me’ve said, etc. So, anyhow, enjoy. (oh, and just so you know, it took me months to get all of these quotes and about two-three days just to type them up, so if anyone wants me to type the next one up soon, I better get a lot of reviews, because I’m not really very inspired at the moment.

Disclaimer: And now it‘s Pick the Disclaimer Time! *picks paper out of hat* Today’s disclaimer shall be done by… Friday: The Evil Demon Cat From Hell™ (for those who don’t know, Chaotic Kittie and I made up a black cat named Friday (Hiei calls him the Evil Demon Cat From Hell, which is what I used to call my cat) who we gave to Kurama in The Play From Hell) .

Friday: Meow… meow…? MEOW!

DW: Oops, sorry, the translator’s broken again! ^___^;; So I’ll just do the disclaimer!

Friday: >.<

DW: I Don’t own Yu Yu Hakusho, The Simpson’s, Futurama, The 10th Kingdom, Case Closed, Family Guy, South Park, Malcolm In the Middle, FLCL, or Will and Grace. And the only Quotes I own are the ones with an * in front of them. *gasping for breath*

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The Wonderful Works of Sam Simpson (i.e. The Simpsons and Futurama) :

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Hiei: My god, he’s become evil! *all stare* I mean eviler!

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Genkai: Sweet something of someplace!

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Hiei: Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum.

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Kurama: Hey, there on the screen, it’s that guy you are!

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Koenma: yo, the mafia supports you, but don’t tell anyone! Spread the word!

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Kurama: What do you say, feeling stupid, I know I am! ^^

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Young Toguro: How can you stay so calm?! My stomach’s full of vomiting butterflies!

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Sensui: I see the light! It burns!

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Yusuke; Finally! Man has overcome a small, furry animal!

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Shizuru: I found this adorable bag to wear over my head! ^^

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Kurama: maybe we have magical rings, but they’re invisible rings so we don’t even realize it!

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Y. Toguro: When I grow up I wanna be a steam shovel! ^^

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Kurama: The planet’s comploding!

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Kuronue: He knows just how I like my margaritas, full of alcohol.

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Hiei: He made me bleed my own blood…

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Kuwabara: You, sir, are a moron!

Yusuke: A Mormon, but I’m from earth!

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Hiei: This ice cream is to cold! Ow! I cut myself on the cone! T.T

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Kurama: *talking about Hiei* Well, he can’t break my heart because he kinda makes me sick…

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Kurama: How ironic, now he’s blind after enjoying a life of being able to see…

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Hiei: Cool, I’m vomit! ^^

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Kuwabara: If you’re gonna pick on somebody, then why don’t you pick on somebody much bigger than you with a gun?!

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O. Toguro: But where he died, I shall live… in his apartment.

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Boton: Turn that frown upside-down… that’s a smile, not an upside-down frown! Work on that too.

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Kurama: I’m beginning there’s going to think there’ll be no forced mating at all…

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Kurama: Hiei, no! You’ll kill us all!

Hiei: Or die trying!

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Koenma: Nothing beats flying across the country on a train! ^^

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Kurama: Who knows more about electricity than the Amish? ^^

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Hiei: *gasps* Flames? Siring pain? Black cats? I must be in heaven!

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Sensui: Note to self: Stop doing anything.

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Hiei: I don’t know where you two magic pixies came from, but I like your magic pixie drink.

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Yusuke: So Mr. Sensui, it looks like the cat was caught by the very person who was trying to catch him!

Kuwabara: How ironic.

~~~

Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Keiko: *chanting* We’re here, we’re queer, we wanna get rid of the bears!

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Stupid Thing I and People Around Me Say In Everyday Life (Things said by me have an * and things said by KR have **, oh, and to make Chaotic Kittie happy, things she said’ll have ***) :

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*Hiei: If the myths prove to be true, there’s always someone watching you… and his name… is Santa.

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***Y. Toguro: *wining* Brother, the cupboard bit meeeeee!

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**Kurama: I wanna ask you something…

*Hiei: What?

**Kurama: When I remember…!

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**Kuwabara: You are not blameless, you are blameful!

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*Hiei: Why does everyone love pop tarts so much?

**Kurama: Because, I gotta have my pops… oh wait, that’s Corn Pops Cereal…

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***Shiori: I hear happiness outside, I must go destroy it!

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*Hiei: Caffino…

***Kuronue: What?

*Hiei: Caffino Drive Thru Espresso. There’s a cup on the desk…

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**Koenma: Is it against the law to visit my dad?!

*Enma: Yes, I’m calling the police now.

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*Keiko: Everything sounds better with ‘dammit’ at the end! ^^

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*Hiei: What’s that?

**Kurama: Little children frolicking on wheeled objects.

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*Boton: Say hello to our friend, the F word. ^^

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***Kuwabara; What did you do now?! Stop doing things!!!

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***Kuronue: Things, give me things!

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*Hiei: Never ming. (a/n: Yes, I DID spell that right.)

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**Yusuke: I can’t draw a minicher cow!

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*Hiei: Not just any teeth, magnetic teeth!

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*Kurama: S&M Chicken! ^^

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Kaito: It’s as foggy as a bear’s butt in the spring time!

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*Hiei: It’s like chocolate, except chewier and good for you! ^^

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Yusuke: I’m not lying, I’m just mistaken.

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Kurama: I didn’t realize it ‘till I knew it.

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*Kurama: Oh, that’s right, we have a bathroom!

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**Kurama: I have a whole bucket of pencils, and they’re all sharpend * (a/n: I just added this part myself) and when they’re all dull, I just go out and buy new ones, it’s less labor… oh wait… it’s more, silly me! ^^

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Hiei: I talk like I eat!

*Kurama: With you’re mouth open?

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Y. Toguro: My Chinese Zodiac sign is the gerbil! Yep, born in the year of the gerbil. ^^

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*Hiei: You sound evil when you cackle like that…

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*Kurama: Let’s eat at ____ __ the Box!

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*Kurama: Let’s eat at Lyo_’s _estau_____!

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**Yusuke: Where’d it go?! I lost my tornado!

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Kuwabara: Chocolate Chip Underwear™! It melts in your pants, not your mouth!

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Hiei: Where’s your brain?!

Kurama: Well, to tell you the truth, I took it out last night and was playing with it and I forgot to put it back, it’s at home, sitting on my dresser.

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*Hiei: *holding glass bottle up to ear* It’s all echoy when I talk.

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Kuwabara: My daddy killed Bambi, lots of Bambis.

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**Kurama: So how was your day?

*Hiei: My day was boring, I woke up and the next thing I knew, it was a minuet later.

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*Kuwabara: You’re humming the rodent rap again.

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*Hiei: “Sexy Guy” It could be worse if you took of the Y in the first word.

**Kurama: … Gu…?

*Hiei: In the first word!

**Kurama: Oh… Oh! No, we change the G-U to T-O in “Guy.” (a/n: For those who don’t get it, we just changed “Sexy Guy into “Sex Toy”)

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**Youko Kurama: I don’t hump trees, trees hump me!

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Kurama: A person with eight eyes is an octoclops.

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*Kurama: Besides, I don’t like blow-drying my hair, it dries your hair out…… okay, that sounded stupid…

[I know, I know, that was an incredibly stupid thing of me to say! >.<]

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*Hiei: *in nice, sweet, calm voice* If you’re drowning, just close your mouth, stupid. ^^

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**Kurama: It’s raining in my head.

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*Koenma: If someone took an x-ray of my head, they’d find my brain was missing and say “I’m sorry, but you’ve lost your mind.”

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*Yusuke: I’m going to bed now.

Atsuko: Okay. Night, drive careful.

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O. Toguro: Well, what do you know, you’re smarter than you look.

*Y. Toguro: Hey! … Am not…

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*Hiei: I wrote four more words.

**Kurama: What were they? “Fee-fi-fo-fum?” … Hey, that’s four words! ^^

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**Kurama: A lie detector test? But those only work if your pulse is working.

*Hiei: Hey!

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**Boton: Sorry, you did it.

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***Kurama: It’s one of those unspoken things you don’t speak about.

*Hiei: … I hope you realize what you just said…

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*Genkai: You never know what scrambled eggs can do to your brain until after you eat them.

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*Hiei: But I was thinking!

**Kurama: Sure you were.

*Hiei: Hey!

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Kurama: I read somewhere that octopi are similar to chicken-pot pie.

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Yusuke: *eating a cherry flavored lolly pop* Grouse, this tastes like Pepto-Bismol!

Kuwabara: Mmm, Pepto flavored lolly. ^^

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Kurama: *on phone trying to call Yusuke*

*Answering Machine: I’m sorry, Yusuke is not in right now, please leave a message and he’ll get back to you when his brain is operating properly… ::beep::

Kurama: Oo

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**Kurama: You can tell me, but I might not listen.

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Koenma: Don’t swim before eating.

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*Hiei: Or you’ll die a horrible, flaming death that leaves you… dead!

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*Youko Kurama: No, masturbating is not an Olympic sport!

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**Kurama: I know.

*Hiei: I know you know.

**Kurama: I know you know I know.

*Hiei: I know you know I know you know.

**Kurama: … Mkay then…

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Koenma: You lost the game! What’d you do that for?!

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Kuwabara: Don’t drop it, it’s on fire!

[Can’t remember who said this, but it was funny at the time.]

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The 10th Kingdom:

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First Sign: Absolutely no communication with prisoner

Second Sign: Absolutely no physical contact with prisoner

Third Sign: No food beyond this point

Place below

Kuwabara: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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Kurama: *finds wallet* Look, cow skin! Nicy nice! Squeaky clean!

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Waitress: So the specials are lamb--

Kurama: Lamb! New season’s lamb I hope! Young and juicy and frolicking provocatively in the fields; bouncing up and down with soft fluffy wool! *gasps* Stop! You’ve godda pull yourself together! Some shepherdess; not paying attention to the flock, probably asleep if I know little girls! … Well I’m not gonna eat her! Not if there’s lamb filet, or a nice giant rack of chops! I’m not greedy!! Well, I am greedy, I don’t know why I just said that! I have a substantial appetite! Born to gorge! That’s me! ^^

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Hiei: And the song, it concerns a deadly fever that only strikes on Saturday!

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Enma: FINALLY, I AM A COMPLETE IDIOT!

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Youko Kurama: *walks in carrying a giant bone in mouth* *chanting* Big bone. Big bone.

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Case Closed/Detective Conan:

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Hiei: *gasp* It’s Mr. Freaky Face!

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Kaito: Saved by the bowtie!

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Kuwabara: You are an admirable detective, Yusuke Urameshi, but you underestimated your adversary, and for that, you must die!

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Yusuke: They’re gone and now we’re stuck on the railway of doom!

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Atsuko: This is why parents resort to medication.

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Koenma: No one listens to kids anymore, I should make that my catch fraise.

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Kurama: *hits Yusuke on head* You’re still snooping!

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Y Toguro: I hate it when they have guns!

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Kurama: He started it by being annoying!

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Hiei: I wonder if he has to practice being condescending…

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Family Guy Quotes (because we all know how stupid of a show that is… but usually hella funny! ^^)

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Hiei: *running* Out of me way! They’re after me lucky charms!

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Kurama: I’m so hungry, I could ride a house… I don’t get it… well I could ride it to the store, I guess…

[I love this quote so much]

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Kurama: Hey, there’s a message in my alphabet soup! It says: ooooooooo.

Kuwabara: Kurama, those are Cheerios.

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Yusuke: It’s so hot outside.

All: How hot is it?

Yusuke: Uhh, I don’t know.. About 80, 90.

Kurama: … I don’t get it…

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Atsuko: >.> Yusuke, eat your salad!

Yusuke: But I’m not eating dinner.

Atsuko: Then just shut up!

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Hiei: Well, well, Mr. Toilet, I thought you were in the Hamptons’.

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Kurama: My god, somebody’s stealing my water!

Hiei: … It just went down the drain…

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Keiko: *Yusuke walks out* Well thank god he’s just a figment of my imagination!

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[I think this is from FG, but I’m not exactly sure…]

Yusuke: Exercise is for dummies and women.

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Boton: Into the mouth and through the gums, look out testicles, here I come!

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Kaito: My god, not only are ghosts real, but their innards are made out of children!

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Kuwabara: Wait a minuet, if I’m here, and you’re there, and Istanbul is somewhere in this general area, then who’s that?!

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Hiei: Oh no, somebody peed in my pants!

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Hiei: *to random dude* Hey you, aren’t you Richard Simons? *gets punched* *goes up to another random dude* hey you, aren’t you Richard Simons best friend, Richard Simons? *gets punched*

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Kuwabara: *to Yusuke* You’re like a white version of a black guy who isn’t good with his money.

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Kurama: *to Hiei* Well if I’m a child, then do you know what that makes you? A pedophile! And I’ll be damned if I’m gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert!

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Kurama: In church, I learned that if you’re good you go to heaven, and if you’re bad you go to a place where the dead believe that they’re living and pray for death.

Koenma: UPN?

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And now, my favorite cartoon, South Park (I may seem horrible for liking this show, but anyone who says they think this show is crap has either never seen it or has no sense of humor once-so-ever. ) :

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Hiei: Okay, that does it! Now listen, why is it that everything today has involved something either going into or coming out of my ass?!

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Kurama: *singing* I’m gonna make love to yah woman.

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Yusuke: You’re a *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep* that likes to *beep*, and *beep*, and *beep*, and *beep*!

Kurama: Hey Hiei, what’s a *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*?

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Hiei: I’ve never heard the words “only” and “candy” in the same sentence before…

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Hiei: Officer, can I stay in jail… please? T.T

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[And because we all know this one:]

Hiei: *points* Oh my god, they killed Kenny!

Kurama: *shacks fist* You bastards!

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Koenma: … You turned him into a teapot?

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Hiei: *singing* Where were you when they built the latter to heaven?

Did it make you feel like crying,

Or did you think it was gay?

Well I for one believe in the latter to heaven *humming 9/11 over and over again*

Where were you when they ran-outta-stuff-to build the latter to heaven?

Where were you when they saved the latter to heaven?

Where were you when they decided that heaven was a more intangible idea and you couldn’t… couldn’t really… get there…?

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News Dude: Do you believe in the latter to heaven?

Kurama: Well, if the latter was my penis, and heaven is a little child--

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Kuwabara: … Did I just call myself a blood belching vagina?

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Koenma: Yes, it could be a laboratory disguised as a seagull!

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Hiei: Dude, don’t you know what this means?! You drank Kenny!

Kuwabara: O.O … Shut up…

Kurama: Dude, you really drank Kenny!

Kuwabara: O.O … Shut up…

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Yusuke: Are you high, or just incredible stupid?

Y. Toguro: I insure you, I am not high.

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Boton: *on TV* Today’s weather in heaven: Partly Cloudy.

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Hiei: Look, if I was really making a chemical weapons plant, I wouldn’t make it look like a chemical weapons plant, I’d make it look like some kind of chocolate chip factory!

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Kurama: *singing* Blame Canada, blame Canada!

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Kuwabara: Damn, shit, fuck, crap, Barbara Strisand!

[You might need to watch the movie to get this joke.]

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Kuwabara: You are officially declared a full-fledged idiot.

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Kurama: Ready, Hiei? Kick the baby!

Hiei: Don’t kick the goddamn baby!

Kurama: Kick the baby! ^^ *kicks Hiei through Yusuke’s window*

Yusuke: Hiei, look what you did1 That’s another timeout for you!

Hiei: Don’t kick the goddamn baby!

[I love Ike for that simple reason. ^^]

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Kuronue: Kids, I’d like to welcome you to rehabilitation.

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Kurama: ((O.O)) Oh my gawd, this stick’s on fire!

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Kuronue: Sorry children, I don’t believe something that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.

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Rinku: Tastes like chicken, the ass of a chicken!

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Hiei: He’s not crazy, just incredibly stupid. I know how to deal with these kind of people.

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Yusuke: Maybe, someday, we’ll learn to hate you too.

Y. Toguro: Maybe, in time… *walks away*

Yusuke: … Well… bye…

Kuwabara: … I’m confused…

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Hiei: Sucky, sucky, five dolla.

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Yusuke: My Salty, Chocolate Balls must have rejuvenated him!

Kurama: Yusuke, you’re balls are the greatest!

Yusuke: You’ve got that right.

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Koenma: Oh yeah, now all I have is a town covered in shit! Just great!

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Kito: How about a taco that craps ice cream?

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Kurama: *to Koenma* You mean our planet’s just a reality TV show?

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Hiei: *points to TV* Oh my god, they videotaped killing Kenny!

Kurama: *shakes fist* You bastards!

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Yusuke: Kurama’s dog’s a homo, Kurama’s dog’s a homo!

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Kurama: That’s a good question, Yusuke, let me get right on that with thinking.

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Kurama: How the hell are condoms gonna help us?!?!?!

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Malcolm In the Middle… I just recently started to watch and realize how wrong this show is… :

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Kuwabara: Candles, chocolate covered strawberries, Sleepless In Seattle… my god, you’re gay!

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Kuwabara: Canada was great, I brought bananas back for everybody! ^^ *walks out*

Yusuke: … Do we really want to know?

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Sensui: Hey, I’m over there! *points to other side of room*

Guards: *looks*

Sensui: *runs away*

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Kurama: I’m inside of the giant violin case!

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Kurama: My god, women are the cows of people!

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Keiko: *calls out to Yusuke* I’ll miss you at first!

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Hiei: Just once I’d like to learn a lesson without something exploding!

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Kaito: You know, kid, for a dumbass, you got a heart.

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Kurama: yeah, now she’s just a crazy, old woman who we just happen to live with. ^^

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Hiei: *to Kurama* Look, there’s Kuwabara, let’s hit him, fellow idiot!

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Shuichi: I hate this! If I wanted to be humiliated I’d just take a math test!

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Shuichi: It’s weird, I used to just think, but now my thoughts are thinking.

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Yusuke: Wow, I have two dates to the spring dance! It’s just like that old episode of… every show.

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Hiei: Wow, if it weren’t for that dead squirrel, my life would be really pathetic.

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FLCL/Furi Kuri/Fooly Cooly/whatever!:

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Atsuko: You know, children grow horns from their heads due to stress. It’s a common affliction.

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Kurama: Wait a minuet, what am I thinking with? And what’s thinking what I’m thinking? And what am I thinking and who am I if I’m not thinking my own… argh!

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Hiei: I don’t want you dead. I don’t want you alive either. I’m just going to suck the life away from you slowly. Ha ha ha. ^^

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Yusuke’s POV: … Maybe it was a little fun because my head was empty…

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Genkai: Girls hit their prime in womanhood. But it’s all downhill for guys. They transform from cute little boys to gross old men!! So it’s forbidden! I forbid leg hairs! I cannot have students with hairy legs!

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Kaito: School protects you from everyday life… (from perverts.)

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Kaito: You should never put a cap on violence!! Suppressing violent urges only leads to psychological internal violence! Got it?! If I were to us an analogy, I’d turn to yeast! The root of all bread making!!

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Yusuke: Ukulele no good!

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Keiko: Let’s get out of here Yusuke. You’re bleeding on my. Guess I’ll just have to drag you.

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Hiei: Oh no!! Goddammit! I killed him!! I’ve actually killed a child!! What should I do? What should I do? These hands are soiled with the blood of a little lamb. We can’t bring him back… let’s bury him!

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Kaito: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You’re being bad! Good job!

~~~

Yusuke’s POV: The world is such an ugly place. A mother licked her son inside a Cuban hotel. And then she released an army of butterflies into the room.

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Will and Grace:

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Kurama: We should take the Master Baking class!

Hiei: Yeah, then we can Master Bake! … *gasps* We could Master Bake together!

[If you don’t get it, just keep repeating Master bake to yourself, you’ll get it after a while.]

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Kuwabara: I don’t need this! I may be tall, but I have feelings!

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Youko Kurama: But Kuronue said he was thinking about buying me a prostitute!

Kuronue: Oh I think about that all the time! ^^

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Youko Kurama: *pissed* So basically you’re screwing one of my best friends and you’re telling me that I need to screw over the other?! Man, with all this screwing, you’d think somebody’d be happy!

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Boton: What’s the point of having a gay best friend if you’re not gonna dress me?!

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Kurama: this is worse than prison! This is high school!

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Kurama: This is a duet! There is no ‘I’ in singing!

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Keiko: I hate men!

Kurama: Good, more for me! ^^

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Koenma: I’m like Puff the Magic Drag Queen!

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Kurama: *singing* Yusuke and Keiko sitting in a tree, K-I-S-I-N-wait…

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Hiei: Man, making someone gay is exhausting! I don’t know how my mother did it!

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Keiko: *pissed*

Yusuke: What?! We’ve talked about this!

Keiko: No we haven’t!

Yusuke: Oh… well I’ve talked to other people about it…

~~~

Hiei: Oh, please, please, please can’t I be a flouncing geek, too?

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Yay, my first chapter with 3,783 words! ^___________^ Well, I’m happy! ^^ So, as I said before, I wont be updating unless I’m inspired to type the 20 Questions one up, and reviews will help that out. Anywho, to end on a poetic note:

Good night, good night, Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say good night till it be morrow. *gags and falls off chair*