Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ What the YYH Gang Does Offset ❯ Playing 'I Never' When...; Botan and the Green Fire Hydrant; DE's Farewell ( Chapter 6 )

What the Yu Yu Gang Does Off-set 6

 

TC: HI, HEY!!!!! We're back and at DE's house!!!!!! ^_^

 

DE: YAHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

 

TC: EBD's not here, but KK's watching a YYH DVD—

 

DE: ONE OF MINE!!!!!

 

TC: *cough* Uh, yeah…one of DE's…anyways, she's doing that in the other room. And we're here doing this, so…yeah…

 

Jin: I don't know what to say…

 

Chuu: Well, that's a first!

 

DE: GAH! I CAN'T TYPE WITH THESE DAMN NAILS!!! *sob*

 

TC: I'm not typing! *happyful*

 

DE: *glares at TC…starts having a cough attack*

 

TC: You okay?

 

Jin: MY GOD! SHE'S COUGHING UP HAIRBALLS!!

 

Chuu: My, my! Need a li'l help there, missy?

 

DE: *continues coughing violently*

 

Jin: Hmm, perhaps we should get `er some cough medicine, neh?

 

TC: True…

 

Chuu: Well then, off we go! *runs off drunkenly to get some cough medicine, but instead gets beer*

 

TC: Okay, well…any ideas on what to do?

 

Jin: How about the disclaimer? We gotta do that now, ya know!

 

TC: Oh, right! Well, I own myself, and so does Koenma, EBD owns herself, as does Jin—

 

Jin: *cheesy grin*

 

TC: --KK may be watching YYH, but she's still another story and owned by herself and Hiei, and DE's just continuously hacking away over there, but she's owned by Youko, John, Trent, Alex/Ken, and I don't know who else…

 

DE: *still coughing nonstop violently*

 

TC: OH YEAH!!! We don't own YYH! ^_^ Thought I'd just clear that up, too…

 

Jin: ONWARD!!!

 

Chuu: *returns, drunk* Heeyyy, mattttttiiiiiiieess…

 

TC: O_o;; I take it he's drunk off his rear…

 

Jin: No doubt about it…

 

Chuu: PARTY IN HEEEEERRRRRRRE!!!

 

TC: OO!! PARTY!!! I like parties! =^_^= Parties are fun! You get high on caffeine and sugar and then you bounce off the walls and then you're like WEEEEEE!!!

 

Jin: O_o; Am I the only sane on here?

 

DE: *still having the vicious cough attack*

 

TC, Chuu, and Jin: ONWARD!!! =^_^=

 

 

*~* Everyone is in the cafeteria, eating lunch…*~*

 

KK: *runs up* Hey, does anyone have a quarter I can have?

 

Botan: Why?

 

KK: Becaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuse…

 

DE: I have a quarter…but I'm not going to give it to you unless you tell me why!

 

KK: Well, there are certain times in a woman's life when she encounters issues…

 

Keiko, Botan, Yukina, Shizuru, and DE: *crack up*

 

Guys and TC: *oblivious*

 

TC: Do you mean mental issues?

 

KK: No, I'm talking about tampons, damn it!!

 

Guys: *choke on food*

 

DE: *quickly hands quarter to KK*

 

KK: *runs off*

 

 

(DE: This one is from my head…majority of it is based on something that actually happened (from my recollection), but I'm writing it here to clear it up so that MAYBE everyone will take a chill… EBD, TC, KK, MP, SB, and everyone else and I are kind of in a major fight, and it's a long story, but we'll get over it sooner or later… so HOPEFULLY!!!!! …this will clear things up…)

 

EBD, DE, KK, and TC: =playing `I Never'=

 

KK: I never had a dream about a guy from Yu Yu Hakusho fully undressing.

 

EBD: =drinks=

 

DE: =drinks=

 

TC: I swear I'm the only regular teenager here!

 

All: =look at TC with a confused face=

 

TC: I mean, I've never had a dream about a guy being naked or anything even remotely close!

 

KK: My psychiatrist said that it happens when you're ready to have kids and stuff.

 

DE: Errrrr… really…

 

KK: Yeah, and it's suggested that you NOT have sex after you have a dream, otherwise you have a higher chance of getting pregnant and everything!

 

DE: Oh…

 

TC: Oh, well, then that explains it!

 

EBD: =laughs at TC=

 

DE: Eerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr….. but that's not true! =shuts up=

 

TC: Huh???

 

KK: What'd you say???

 

EBD: DE…..

 

DE: I said that it's not always true… =shuts up again=

 

KK: Have you…?

 

DE: =blushing= Errrrrr…

 

TC: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! %_%

 

KK: HOW COULD YOU!!!!!!!!

 

EBD: I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D ACTUALLY DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!

 

DE: Well, it was my decision!! You guys shouldn't be that worried about it!

 

KK: But WHY?! Don't you know the risks and stuff?

 

DE: Of course I know! But I'm not pregnant!

 

TC: How do you know?!

 

DE: =yelling= BECAUSE I'M ON MY PERIOD RIGHT NOW, DUMBASS!!!!!

 

EBD: TMI!!!!!!!!!

 

EBD, KK, and TC: =turn backs on DE=

 

DE: Um…hey, guys…?

 

KK: What do you want, you worthless person?! =near tears=

 

DE: …it was a joke…

 

TC: …What…? =blank look=

 

DE: Uh, it was a joke…I'm still innocent in that way…

 

KK: =attacks DE= HOW COULD YOU EVEN JOKE ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!

 

DE: =dying=

 

EBD: THAT WASN'T VERY NICE! =materializes mallet and hits DE over the head with it=

 

TC: THAT'S SO MEAN!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO US?!?!?!! =claws become even larger and starts clawing DE=

 

DE: =now lays in shreds and flat as a pancake=

 

KK: …oops…

 

TC: …uhh, is she dead..?

 

EBD: Let's poke her and see! =pokes DE with her mallet=

 

DE: =doesn't move=

 

KK: AH, CRAP! I DON'T NEED ANOTHER MURDER ON MY RECORD!!!!!!!!!!

 

EBD and TC: …another…? =confused=

 

KK: Err, uh, I mean… =shifty eyes=

 

TC: Who else have you murdered, KK?

 

EBD: You're not supposed to until Koenma gives us permission to be free in Ningenkai!

 

KK: I know, but he was being really very annoying!

 

TC: Who?

 

EBD: Someone we know?

 

KK: Ummm… =whispers= …SB…

 

TC: WHAT?!?!?!!

 

KK: =runs, but trips over DE's body= AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

 

TC: HOW DARE YOU?! =claws become extra long and claws KK=

 

KK: =fights back= YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!!!!!!

 

EBD: Uh, I think she's winning, since you don't have your sword, KK…

 

KK: GAH! MY SWORD!!!!!!!! EBD, PLEASE PASS ME MY SWORD!!!!!!!!

 

EBD: Err…TC?

 

TC: =continuously clawing KK= DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

EBD: O_O;;; Uh, okay… =runs and gets KK's sword= HERE YOU GO!

 

KK: =grabs sword= THANK YOU!!!!!!!! =counters TC, and thus begins a fight that becomes gruesome and bloody, it is forbidden to post it=

 

EBD: =stares at the fighting girls=

 

DE: =slowly gets up= …ow… What happened?

 

EBD: AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! SHE'S COME BACK FROM THE DEAD!!!!!!!!!!! …Cool! You gotta teach me how to do that!

 

DE: Huh…???

 

TC: EBD! PARTNER IN CRIME! HELP!!!

 

KK: DE! PARTNER IN CRIME! HELP!!!

 

EBD and DE: =look at the two= …It's a draw…

 

KK and TC: =fall over on their backs at the same time=

 

EBD and DE: =give each other a high-five= OH YEAH! WE CALLED IT!!!!!!!!

 

TC: =breathing heavily= EBD…you left me…alone!

 

KK: =also breathing heavily= DE…you left me…to fight her…alone!

 

DE: Hey, you almost killed me! Now I have to rack into my memory and remember all those spells… =thinks=

 

EBD: Uh, it seemed pretty much just between you two, TC…sorry!

 

TC: =tries to get up but falls over= Oi…screw it!

 

DE: AHA! I REMEMBER ONE! =chants something and becomes like new= WEEEEEEEE!

 

EBD: THAT'S SO COOL!!!!!!!! TEACH ME TEACH ME!!!!!!

 

DE: In due time, EBD. In due good time.

 

EBD and DE: =walk off together=

 

KK: You'll never…hear the…last of…us!!!!! =collapses into a sleep=

 

TC: Oh, KK…just give up…they're out of…our hearing range…=falls asleep too=

(DE: Okay, maybe it was a joke, maybe it wasn't (referring to last scene), but this one's based on a true story that happened to me as I was leaving my Uncle's this weekend… let's just say my mom burst out laughing…)

 

Yusuke: =driving a car around town=

 

Kuwabara, Keiko, everyone else: =hanging on for dear life=

 

Botan: =spots a fire hydrant= HEY!!!

 

Yusuke: =slams the breaks=

 

Everyone: =goes flying forward—thank Kami they had on their seatbelts on!=

 

Botan: =points at it= I didn't know they made all green fire hydrants!

 

Everyone Else: =sweatdrop=

 

Botan: What? I didn't know that! I mean, I've seen green and yellow, red, red and yellow, but never just plain…green…

 

Keiko: They're actually quite common now…

 

---A Few Hours Later…---

 

Botan: OH MY GOD! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!! %_% =becomes traumatized=

 

Hiei: Now what is she whining about?

 

Kurama: I believe she's realized that all the fire hydrants are fully green…

 

Hiei: …They've been that way for Kami knows how long…

 

Kurama: …I know…

 

Botan: =is jumping around in the car, bouncing off the walls, annoying everyone, because she's traumatized that she missed this “epidemic”=

 

 

DE: THANK YOU FOR SHOWING UP!!!!!!!!

 

KK: THIS IS SHORT! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING, ENDING IT RIGHT HERE?!

 

EBD: Um, KK…maybe she ran out of ideas…

 

TC: Yeah, we kinda left her here to write it on her own…despite the fact that she's had since SUMMER to write it and it's MARCH already… =glares at DE=

 

DE: =sweatdrops= Eheheheh… I've been busy!!!

 

KK: Suuuuurrrrrrrrrre, busy fucking around with Youko or, or, that one guy, or, or—

 

TC: KK! Hush! You don't need to go through the whole list of DE's suitors!

 

EBD: Yeah! After all, who knows what she does in her own spare time when we aren't with her!

 

KK: PRECISELY!

 

DE: HEY NOW! THAT'S NOT COOL!!!!! How dare y'all blame me for being off on my own, fucking around with other guys! I only have one right now, thank you! Oops…

 

EBD, KK, and TC: HA! WE TOLD YOU!

 

DE: Grrrrrrrrrrr!

 

KK: Youko's hurt!

 

DE: Whoever said it WASN'T Youko?!

 

KK: =confused= But I thought…?

 

EBD: Then again, whoever said it WASN'T that one guy?

 

DE: Oh, shut up! Hmph! =pouts=

 

Youko: Um…mind my butting in?

 

Girls: YOUKO!!!!!!!!! @_@ =stare at Youko's hottness=

 

Youko: Okay, they're high… =sits on the couch=

 

Girls: =drooling=

 

Hiei: =comes down and sits across from Youko= Hn. They're having fun watching you.

 

KK: HIEI!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =glomps Hiei=

 

Hiei: =turns purple=

 

DE: Um…KK…he can't breathe anymore…

 

KK: HIEI! YOU LOVABLE, LUVVY DUVVY WUVVY BOY!!!!!! OH, YOU'RE SO CUTE! I'M GONNA TAKE YOU HOME AND HUG YOU AND CUDDLE YOU AND DRESS YOU UP ALL NICE AND PRETTY!!!!!!!!! AND THEN WE'LL GET MARRIED AND WE'LL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

 

Hiei: =can't breathe and turns pink=

 

Youko: KK, you're killing the poor demon!

 

TC: =tackles KK off of Hiei= YOU OWE ME, HIEI!!!!!!!!

 

KK: TC, YOU EVIL CHILD OF THE MOON!!!!!!!!!

 

Hiei: =passes out on the floor, regaining color in his face=

 

KK: HIEI!!!!!!!!! =runs over to Hiei and cries over him=

 

EBD: That's what you get for squeezing him to death!

 

DE: Heh… Well, that's a wrap!

 

TC: You mean you seriously ARE ending it right here?

 

DE: Um, yeah…kinda have to. Especially if I want to get it posted tonight…eheheh…

 

Youko: Just one more scene?

 

DE: ABOUT WHAT?! I'M FRESH OUT OF IDEAS!!! Hmm…

 

EBD: I know I know! Do a Chuu one! And Puu!

 

DE: Chuu and Puu…? Hey, they rhyme! …next chapter! Oh, wait! No, not next chapter…next chapter is filled with what should have been in this chapter…

 

KK: And what was supposed to be in this chapter?

 

EBD and DE: NOTHING!!!!!!!!

 

KK and TC: TELL US!!!!!!!!!!!

 

EBD and DE: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Youko: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!! You girls yell too much..

 

DE: Oh, nyeh! Anyways, we'll fit it in next chapter, so I actually have time to think about it and stuff...

 

Botan: Uh, DE!

 

DE: Yes'm?

 

Botan: Did you want me to announce it…?

 

DE: Errr, uh…

 

EBD, KK, TC, Youko: =confusedly look at DE= Announce what…?

 

Hiei: =regains consciousness= What she's been hiding…

 

DE: Errrrrrrrr, go ahead, Botan!

 

Botan: Okay, um… =clears throat and reads from a piece of paper= Well, this is the official statement that DE has prepared with the producers and main boss people. She has asked for a leave for a while, since everyone seems to be against her. She is not sure where she will reside, but she will come back as soon as she feels she is wanted again. We're sorry for this sudden departure, but we feel it might be necessary. So, as far as DE is concerned, she will only return when she feels it is safe to do so. Again, sorry. And thank you for your time and consideration. =wipes a tear=

 

DE: =holds back tears as well=

 

Everyone Else: =stares at DE, tears in eyes=

 

KK: That…that's what you wanted to tell us all along…?

 

DE: Mhm…we've been in too many fights recently, so I decided to take my leave. I know I'll be back, I just don't know when…

 

TC: You can't leave us! Who's going to write all those funny things? Who's going to write Flashing Lights? Who's going to give us pointers about guys?

 

DE: I'm sure y'all will find someone else to take care of those.

 

EBD: Who's going to drink MD: PB and Dr. Pepper, and MD and run around and get hyper and eat peeps and stuff? I mean, besides myself?

 

KK: Yeah, you bring life to the parties!

 

DE: I'm sorry! =runs up the stairs and closes the door=

 

Girls: =break down crying=

 

Youko: =tear slips= My…that was…er…

 

Hiei: …surprising…?

 

Youko: Most definitely. Well, I suppose we should call it quits on this chapter…

 

KK: REVIEW!!!!!!! AND BRING HER BACK!!!!!!!!!!

 

TC: BRING DE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

EBD: WE NEED HER!!!!!!!! SHE'S OUR SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Girls: =keeping crying and yelling inaudible sobs=

 

Hiei: This is too much, even for me… =has a single tear in his eye=

 

Youko: Alright, we shall end it here… but please, help us bring our beloved Demon-Enchantress back…please?