Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ When Fairy Tales Attack!! ❯ Prologue ( Chapter 1 )

When Fairy Tales Attack!!

CoWritten by: Tuathafaerie and Nenagh24

Disclaimer: We don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, Disney films, or the Brother's Grimm. Note that any actual dialog taken from the movies might be interspersed without identification and that this disclaimer applies to any such lines. Please do not sue because of it.

Note: Any slandering of said Disney films or fairy tales is author intrusion and fully intentional. Enjoy!

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Chapter 1

Koenma sits quietly at his desk watching his big screen TV, reviewing the adventures of Yusuke and the rest of the team of Spirit Detectives when suddenly a loud buzzing noise is heard.

Koenma: Yes? (presses button)

Voice over the speaker: Koenma, sir, it's time for your nap. King Enma would like you to go to bed now.

Koenma: Ah, oni, can't you ask him for a few extra minutes? I don't want to go to sleep now!

George: Sir, I really think you should obey your father. I, for one, am not going to ask him for more time. He can severely hurt me!

Koenma: And you think I can't?

George: …

Koenma: Well?

George: Sorry, sir. I like my skin.

The speaker switches off.

Koenma: (grumbles) Hired help these days…

He quickly finishes up what he's working on with the TV, then pauses as he's stuck by a brilliant idea. He presses another button, grinning to himself. Botan's face appears on the screen.

Botan: Yes, sir?

Koenma: Can you contact the spirit detectives? I've got some work I want them to do.

Botan: What kind of work?

Koenma: A mission, what else?

He blanks out the screen before she can ask anymore questions.

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The stage reopens to reveal Kurama's house, where everyone seems to be crashing.

Kuwabara: Hey Urameshi, do you want to have a food eating contest?

Yusuke: Well, okay! You're on!

Keiko: Here we go again. (sigh)

Kuwabara: Anyone else in?

Kurama looks up from the video game he is currently teaching Hiei how to play.

Kurama: What are you raiding from my fridge this time?

Kuwabara: Um, I don't know. Come on, Urameshi, let's go look.

They run off quickly, anticipating beating the pants off one another. Unfortunately, Kurama seems to have very little in his refrigerator, except for large amounts of one cold product…

Yusuke: Looks like we'll have to use ice cream.

Hiei looked up sharply at this.

Hiei: I'm in.

Kurama: (off to the side) Oh, boy.

Yusuke sets out three cartons on the table while Hiei and Kuwabara wait with spoons. Yukina watches them interested from her seat on the couch with Keiko. Kurama turns away, playing the video game he set up, and not wanting to view the uninspired waste of food in his house. Keiko decides to play referee.

Keiko: Ready? One, Two, Three, GO!

The three competitors dig in, shoveling through heaps of ice cream. After a minute, Kuwabara holds his head in pain. Yukina goes towards him, worried, and tries to heal the sudden brain freeze.

Yusuke: Haha! Stupid Kuwabaka! You should know better than to eat ice cream that fast!

Kuwabara: Yeah, but I wanted to beat Hiei.

Hiei: (Stands up) Finished. (Leaves to go play game)

Yusuke: What?!

Keiko tips Hiei's container to ascertain his victory. Kuwabara relaxes as Yukina puts her hands on his head.

Keiko: Yup! I'd say he's done. There's barely a drop in here.

Yusuke: How could this happen? I've still got a quart left!

Kurama points at Hiei and explains.

Kurama: Half ice demon, half fire demon. Kind've hard to beat that.

Yukina finishes. Kuwabara grabs her hands.

Kuwabara: Yukina, my sweet! You are so much nicer to me than ice cream.

Hiei: (growls)

Yukina: (misunderstands) Isn't ice cream sweet?

Keiko slaps her hands over Yusuke's mouth before he can laugh at poor Yukina. The rest, except Kuwabara, develop sweatdrops.

Kuwabara: Well, yes, I suppose you're right…

This extremely strange scene inspired by authors who are dead bored is interrupted by Botan, who strolls in through the front door.

Botan: Hey, guys. Koenma's given us another mission.

Yusuke: Oh joy. Another terrific mission.

Kurama: (to self) Wasn't my front door locked?

Youko: (Internally) Pshh! That lock's easy-peasy.

Botan holds her hands up, denying the blame.

Botan: I'm not the one who invents these missions. (Looks over at Hiei and smirks) Nice mustache you got there.

Hiei: Hn. (Tries to wipe mouth surreptitiously and fails)

Keiko: Well, come on, don't just sit there. Koenma needs you.

Kuwabara: Yes! It's our duty. (Turns to Yukina) Farewell, lovely snow princess, I won't be gone for long.

Yukina: Bye!

Hiei: (glowing evilly)

Botan: You can always wait at Koenma's if you want.

Keiko: Sure. Let's go!

Botan pulls out her communicator and talks quickly to Koenma.

Botan: Okay we're ready!

A portal appears and she shoves everyone inside before hopping on her oar and following. Kurama's house is left empty with the door open, the only sign of life ever being present in the form of melting ice cream boxes and a singing Zelda game.

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Koenma is waiting for the group in his office. They stumble out of the portal, with Botan flying behind, and wait for his instructions.

Koenma: Okay, I've called you here for a very important mission, perhaps more influential than anything else you've done before.

Yusuke: (interrupts) Like some major demon!

Koenma: Uh…no…

Kuwabara: Or a mission for love!

Koenma: No…

Hiei: How about search and destroy?

Koenma: Definitely not!

Hiei: Hn.

Koenma: Actually, I need you to do none of those things. Instead, it seems my father has ordered that I need to go to bed.

Everybody does a prat fall. [an: flat on their faces, if you didn't know]

Koenma: This is a very trying time for me, and I need help in overcoming any insomnia. I thought a good bedtime story ought to do the trick.

Yusuke: You called us out to tell you a story! What the -

Koenma: You don't understand! This is very important! My father will punish me if I don't take a nap!

Kurama: I don't see how you really needed our presence to help facilitate your sleep. Isn't George around to do that?

Koenma: He's gotten boring.

George (from nowhere): Hey!

Koenma: Anyway, I thought, since you're all here, maybe we could put on a play?

Yusuke: I don't think so. Come on, Keiko, let's get out of here!

He starts for the office door, grabbing Keiko by the hand, but stops when he remembers something. He turns sheepishly back to Koenma.

Yusuke: Hey, do you think you could get us a portal out of here?

Koenma: (Sucks thoughtfully on his light bulb thing) No, I don't believe I want to do that, Yusuke.

Yusuke: Why you overgrown baby! Pacifier breath! Let us out of your stupid story!

Koenma sat calmly.

Koenma: Not until you do as I ask.

Yusuke mutters some choice words. Everybody looks around then shrugs. It wasn't as if they had much choice.

Kurama: Very well.

Koenma: Great! I knew you would! Let's get started then! I'll go get ready in bed and you guys can decide which story you're doing.

Koenma leaves with George while the rest of the gang look around rather helplessly at each other.

Hiei: Hn. What kind of stories does that baka think he's getting?

Kurama: Well, since demon stories usually end in dismemberment and death, I suppose he expects a ningen fairytale.

Yusuke: Great. I guess we're performing Brother's Grimm.

Botan: At least we get to choose what play we're performing.

She is the only one of them who looks excited. The rest are dreading the upcoming play. Well, Yukina is oblivious, but that doesn't count.

Botan: (claps hands) So what should it be?

Keiko: How about The Little Mermaid? I saw that when I was a kid.

Kurama: I don't know, didn't the real story end in death?

Hiei: I like it.

Kuwabara: And the Disney version was stupid.

Yusuke: (muttering) You would know.

Keiko: Well, how about you come up with a better one, Mr. My-Hair-Is-Pink!

Kurama: (twitch) Red. Deep magenta.

Yukina: How about Rapunzel?

Everyone stares in shock at her suggestion, amazed that she knows any ningen stories.

Botan: Well… I suppose that would work. We could get Youko to be Rapunzel, since he has long enough hair.

Youko: (internally) What?!!

Yusuke: (smirking) That sounds cool.

Youko: (internally) I REFUSE!

Kurama: (wincing) I don't think that's a good idea.

Hiei: I think that might be okay.

He is grinning ever so slightly. Botan nods to herself then sets off to go find Koenma and tell him the good news on their decision. Everyone else follows, although unwillingly.

Koenma: That should work. And Youko is playing Rapunzel? Good thing I kept an extra container of that time magic.

He tosses it to Hiei, who smiles as he unstoppers the bottle. A thick smoke envelopes the spirit detectives.

Youko: I thought I said that I wouldn't participate in this!

Koenma: Calm down, Youko. Do you want me to lock you up in jail?

Youko: (twitch) Fine. But how am I supposed to work with this?

He picks up a shorter Hiei, who looks amazingly cute and innocent. [AN: Kawaii!!] He picks up another kid by the head who Koenma interprets as Botan, a small girl with blue hair in pigtails. She clutches a small oar. Youko sighs as he kicks Kuwabara around the floor. The orange haired toddler lets loose a howl.

Koenma: But it was such a good idea! Do you think you can act out all the parts of the story by yourself?

Youko: No.

Koenma: Oh, well. It was worth a shot. Better put back the potion.

Youko takes the bottle out of Hiei's hands and closes it up again. The smoke slowly clears and everyone is back in their original forms.

Keiko: That was weird! Let's not do it again.

Yukina nods in reply.

Kuwabara: Hey, why does my side hurt?

Yusuke: Well, that got us nowhere!

Botan: Looks like we're back to the beginning. What story are we acting out?

Hiei: A short one.

Yusuke: Yeah one that will make this cranky toddler go to sleep real fast.

Koenma: I'm right here, you know.

Keiko: Hmm. What about Sleeping Beauty?

Botan: I don't know. Doesn't that get violent at parts?

Yusuke: Yeah!

Keiko: (hits Yusuke, who slumps over) Not so much in the Disney version.

Kuwabara: I'm on strike from all Disney films. They're making them to fast now, and not as good as they used to be.

Kurama: Was that just valid reasoning? From him?

Keiko: Well, this one was made several years ago, before the rush commercialization. It was still pretty good.

Yukina: It sounds nice.

Kuwabara: I'll do anything for my darling angel.

Kurama and Botan restrain Hiei.

Koenma: It'll do. Now, of course, you know I get to pick the roles, right?

Everyone: What?!