Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ When Fairy Tales Attack!! ❯ Sleeping Hiei Part One ( Chapter 2 )

When Fairy Tales Attack!!

CoWritten by: Tuathafaerie and Nenagh24

Disclaimer: We don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, Disney films, or the Brother's Grimm. Note that any actual dialog taken from the movies might be interspersed without identification and that this disclaimer applies to any such lines. Please do not sue because of it.

Note: Any slandering of said Disney films or fairy tales is author intrusion and fully intentional. Enjoy!

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Chapter 2

Rewind:

Koenma: It'll do. Now, of course, you know I get to pick the roles, right?

Everyone: What?!

Play:

Koenma: As I'm the one who needs to fall asleep, it's my right.

Hiei: Hn.

Kurama: I agree with Hiei.

Keiko: (sigh) Whatever. Let's just get this over with.

Koenma: Right! So you're doing the Disney version of Sleeping Beauty, am I right?

The cast nods mutely, unhappy with the whole situation.

Koenma: So, Princess Aurora will be…

The bedroom darkens and weird dramatic music plays in the background. Everyone is a little freaked out.

Koenma: Okay, that was weird. Anyway, Princess Aurora will be…Hiei!

Hiei chokes on air. Yusuke and Kuwabara burst out laughing. Kurama, Keiko, and Botan share similar looks of shock and amusement. Yukina gazes on complacently. After regaining self-control, Hiei glares over at the young god.

Hiei: I don't think so.

Koenma: (pouts) What? Don't you want me to go to sleep?

Hiei: Not that much.

Koenma: Well, I could just let slip to Yu-

Hiei: Stop that!

Koenma: Or how about that time that you wore those yellow sh-

Hiei: Fine!

Botan: You wore yellow? O_o

Hiei: (defensive) I lost a bet, okay?

Yusuke: Suuurrrreee.

Hiei: Hn.

Koenma: Okay, now that that's settled, I think you better go get dressed, Hiei.

Hiei: …

Koenma: Oni!

George appeared in the bedroom.

Koenma: Hiei needs to get dressed. Get Samantha and Jade to help you out. Oh, and get the scripts.

George: (sigh) Yes, sir.

Hiei watches as George leaves and comes back with two burly onis carrying stacks of paper. After dropping them near Koenma, they move in tandem to grab Hiei's arms. Hiei loses some of his signature cool.

Hiei: These are Samantha and Jade? O-O

Koenma: Of course.

Hiei: Whatever.

He begins to reach for his katana, only to find in mysteriously missing. His efforts to charge up any dragons or magic are also futile. Hiei glares over at Koenma.

Koenma: Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that weapons and attacks are outlawed in my bedroom. It wouldn't be safe otherwise. Items enter another dimension for storage and magic is bounded by wards. It's quite a brilliant idea, if I do say so myself, especially since I thought of it.

Hiei: Baka.

Nevertheless, the short fire demon lets himself be pulled away by the onis.

Koenma: Okay, moving on. I think the rest of you will find your roles printed in the script.

Sullenly, each cast member moves forward to grab a script, wondering what horrors they will face after Hiei's downfall. Keiko reads the top of the page, then notices something strange.

Keiko: Hey! Not all of the characters are here! Look, Genkai is in one of the first scenes and she's still back in the human world!

Yusuke: Looks like you made a mistake, loser.

Koenma: I did not! I already had the oni call Genkai up! She's waiting in the back.

Yukina: Our narrator seems to be missing also.

Koenma: (sweatdrop) Actually, she should be here by now. I'm afraid she might have gotten side-tracked…

Suddenly, there is a tear in the space reality. Yusuke leaps forward.

Yusuke: An escape!

Out of the tear steps a woman wearing lime green and black, blocking our hero's pathway away from his doom.

Mysterious Stranger: I don't think you want to go in there. (turns towards the rest of the group) Hey guys!

Koenma: I was expecting you hours ago, Flyr.

Flyr: (sweatdrop) Well, heh heh, Jin came over, and we kind've lost track of time…

Yusuke: (smirk) Right, of course you did.

Flyr: (eyes glint) Yusuke, should I tell Keiko what you do when you skip school?

Kuwabara: He does something other than sleep?

Keiko: Yusuke's been skipping?!

Flyr: I think my work is done. Where's Hiei?

Kurama looks towards the door that Hiei has exited with an sardonic expression.

Kurama: I believe Hiei is getting dressed.

Flyr: Oh, I gotcha. Gonna play the main squeeze, huh?

Kurama: Uh…

Yukina: So everybody is here huh?

Koenma: Yes, I do believe so. Therefore…

A big scroll of parchment falls from the ceiling, reading `The Tale of Sleeping Hiei - A Screwed Up Disney Version.' Everyone stares in shock and semi-horror.

Koenma: I've got to find out who keeps on playing with the setting.

[AN: That would be us.]

Koenma: Well, therefore…On with the Show!!

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The scene opens to a darkened stage, a spotlight on Flyr. Her neon green clothes glow eerily and the smile she gives is less than reassuring. After a minute, dark chuckles begin issuing forth from her.

Koenma: Are you trying to give me nightmares, woman?

Flyr: Of course! What else would you like to have?

Koenma: (grumbles) Get on with the story.

Flyr: Right oh! Okay, so…(begins reading script on her lap) In a far away land, long ago, lived a king and his fair-

Kuwabara: (interrupting) Beautiful! Lovely! Stunning! Delightful! Magnif-oophf!

Yusuke: (holding up an unconscious Kuwabara) Continue!

Flyr: (glaring) Right. Lived a king and his fair queen. Many years had they longed for a child and finally their wish was granted. A daughter was born, and they called her Hiei.

Hiei: I'm a not a girl!

Flyr: Just reading the script. So shut up! (coughs, then starts over) In a far away land, long ago, lived-

Koenma: Get on with it!

Flyr: I thought you wanted it done right.

Koenma: (muttering about the instability of dimension witches)

Flyr: I heard that! Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Hiei's a girl. Yes, they named her after the dawn -

Botan: Really, Hiei?

Hiei: No.

Flyr: (tries to ignore) for she filled their lives with sunshine.

Yusuke: (bursts out laughing) Fills - hahaha - our lives - bwahahahahahaha - with sun - mphf - shine?

Hiei: Hn.

Flyr: (stands up, fire in her eyes) If you don't shut up, I think I'll strand you on the spirit road!

Everyone: … O.O

Flyr: Thank you. Let's continue. Then a great holiday was proclaimed throughout the kingdom, so that all of high or low estate might pay homage to the infant princess. And our story begins on that most joyful day.

Chorus of onis begin singing in the background. However, because they are onis, their singing is unintelligible and off key. Everyone winces until Keiko pulls a rope on the wall, dropping the choir into the floor.

Flyr: (shaking her head to clear it of the pain) Thus on this great and joyous day did all the kingdom celebrate the long awaited royal birth. And good King Kuwabara and his Queen made welcome their life long friend.

George: Uh, I can't read this.

Everyone: (sweatdrop)

Botan comes over and whispers the words to the oni, who halting repeats them.

George: Their ro-royal highne-nesses, King Hu-Hubert and Prince Botan.

The lights come up to reveal Yukina standing sedately next to a knocked out Kuwabara slumped over a baby's crib. On closer inspection, it contains a small Hiei doll, katana and all, wrapped up in white sheets.

Yukina: (pushes Kuwabara gently) Come on, dear, wake up.

Hiei: (backstage; sparks flying off) WHAT did she call him?! Kurama, come back here and untie me!

Botan, after inhaling some of the time potion to look young, approaches the "happy" couple. There is no sign of a "King Hubert."

Yukina: Where's your father, Prince Botan?

Botan: Um…he's down with the flu?

Yukina: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Kuwabara: (snorts, then…) I'm awake!

Flyr: (reading again) Fondly had these monarchs dreamed one day their kingdoms to unite. Thus today would they announce that Botan, Hubert's son and heir -

Kuwabara: Wait, Botan's a guy?

Kurama: (nods) And Hiei's a girl.

Hiei: (backstage) I am not!

Flyr: (veins popping -XX) I thought we went over this already! Botan, Hubert's SON and heir to Stefan's child would be betrothed. And so to her his gift he brought, and looked, unknowing, on his future bride.

Kuwabara: That's Hiei who's the bride, right?

Kurama: (sigh) Yes.

Hiei: Stupid story.

Flyr: Right, that's it! I'll not be made fun of like this! (she slams the script down on the ground and marches off) I need a coffee break. See you guys later!

Yusuke: Wait! Take me with you!

Flyr, however, is gone and the portal is closed before he can reach it.

Yusuke: Ah, bug it! I knew I should have stood on the other side of the stage.

Botan, who has grown again, is back over by George.

George: I really don't think I'm cut out for this job.

Botan: You'll do fine.

George: Here goes nothing. (deep breath) The most honored and exalted excellencies, the three good fairies. Mistress Kurama, mistress Keiko, and mistress Yusuke.

Botan: Very good, George! You didn't mess up once!

Yusuke: I can't believe I'm a fairy.

Kuwabara: (laughing) Hahaha! Yusuke's a fairy! (after a minute, his eyes go round) Yusuke, do you know what that means? O_o

Yusuke: Shut up!

Botan: I don't understand. I'm a ferry girl, why wasn't I allowed to be a fairy?

Kurama: I think it a difference in linguistic properties.

Koenma: (angry) Do I have to force you to do this story right?!

Yusuke mutters as Kurama, Keiko, and he approach the cradle. They repeat their lines in a bad attempt at unison.

YKK: Oh, the little darling! (Yusuke gags, Keiko hits him)

Yukina lifts the plush Hiei out of the cradle and rocks him with a smile on her face. Kuwabara embraces his "wife" and "child" fondly. Botan forcibly restrains Hiei, who has almost rid himself of the restraining ropes.

YKK: Your majesties.

Kurama: (steps forward, reciting perfectly without glancing at the script) Each of us the child may bless with a single gift. No more, no less. Little princess, my gift shall be the gift of beauty.

Yusuke: (grins) Yeah, Hiei really needs that! Maybe it will fix his spiky hair. (is hit again by Keiko)

The oni choir, from below ground, attempts to sing their next lines in grating harmony. Luckily only a few wisps can be heard.

Kurama: Uh, yeah, rose lips, full hair, and beauty. What they said.

Yusuke wisely stifles his snickers as Keiko stares hard at him. She then moves forward.

Keiko: Tiny princess, my gift shall be the gift of speed- um, wait- I mean, song.

Hiei: I liked the first one.

Botan: Be quiet and let them finish. I think it's sweet.

Hiei rolls his eyes as the onis try again, droning through their next lines.

Keiko: (smiles) That's right, sounds like a nightingale.

Yusuke chokes. Kuwabara isn't so smart and lets loose a few whoops. Keiko bashes him without a second thought.

Kuwabara: Owie..

Yukina heals him without dropping the stuffed Hiei.

Yusuke: Sweet - bwahaha-er - sweet - hoo hoo hoo - um - I mean - prin - (snort) - okay, forget this! Hiei! My gift shall be…

A crash is heard as the oni choir spontaneously combusts. Smoke poofs up from the hole as a short, hidden figure steps out of the cloud.

Genkai: Do I have to cackle?

Yusuke loses it.

Genkai: Shut up, dimwit. (turns to Koenma) Well?

Koenma: (sighs) I guess not.

Genkai: (nods) Good. It's unbecoming.

Kurama: (with a strait face and managing to sound unsurprised) Why, it's Maleficent.

Yusuke: What are you doing here, granny?

Keiko: (overly dramatic) Sshhh!

Genkai: Okay, so glittering assemblage, yeah, yeah, nobility, yeah, yeah, how quaint.

Kuwabara: Aren't you supposed to insult me some more?

Genkai: Do you want it?

Kuwabara: Well…

Genkai: Then I'm not going to waste the breath.

Yusuke: (Reads the script to catch up [an: he has been beaten up quite a lot lately, so its only expected that he lose his place] Smiles suddenly) Hey, I march towards you angrily?

Genkai: Like you wouldn't do that anyway.

Yusuke: Okay! (Marches forward, but is restrained by Kurama, who is also keeping track of the script)

Genkai: (smiles evilly) I really felt quite distressed of not receiving an invitation.

Yusuke: (reads again) Not bad. (starts reciting) You weren't wanted, witch!

Flyr: (pops back) I resent that!

Yusuke breaks out of Keiko's hold and makes a running dive for the portal, but Flyr spots him just in time and steps back, closing off the road. Yusuke flies into the wall.

Genkai: (picking up without noticing the difference) Not wa...? Oh dear, what an awkward situation. I had hoped it was merely due to some oversight. Well, in that event I'd best be on my way.

Yusuke: Kuso. (Shakes his head) I'm not stopping you.

Yukina: (softly) And you're not offended, your excellency?

Genkai: (evil smile back in place) Why no, your majesty. And to show I bear no ill will, I, too, shall bestow a gift on the child.

Kurama and Keiko move to defend Yukina, Kuwabara, and the plushie. Yusuke is still over near the wall.

Genkai: (lets loose a few cackles)

Kurama: I thought you objected to those.

Genkai: (shrugs) It seemed appropriate. (focuses in on plushie Hiei) Listen well, all of you! The princess shall indeed grow in grace and beauty…

Hiei: Hn.

Genkai: …beloved by all who know her. But, before the sun sets on her sixteenth birthday, she shall prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die.

Hiei: Am I always cursed?

Botan: Shh! It's getting good!

Hiei: Baka onna.

Botan whacks him on the back of the head with her oar. The backstage area erupts into bickering as "Get back here, Hiei!"s and "Baka Onna"s float over to the rest of the actors.

Koenma sighs, having a feeling he will be up late tonight.