| "Traces of Distant Days" Reviews/Comments [ 4 ] |
Reviewed By: FrigidSnow On: June 07, 2008 10:27 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Your fic was very touching, and I immensely enjoyed it. Thank you for writing this fic.
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Title: FFRG Review
Reviewed By: LadyLark [MediaMiner Member] On: August 07, 2005 00:47 CDT
Comment/Review:
The first thing I thought of when I read this is -- this story is really good. The set up was great with the description of events then we got to the journal entry and my mind did this "Great writing, doesn't sound like a journal entry though." I think that in some ways the writing is too formal. Adding more contractions and sentence fragments will help with that. Also reading it aloud might help. There were a couple of spots that didn't sound like Akira. Remember in Episode three his outburst about Hikaru's playing the game for only a little while and take a few titles then his speech to his father about how there is an obstacle in his way right before he plays Hikaru/Sai for the second time. I would use those as a reference. I loved the emotion in the monologue, especially toward the end. Beautiful. I also adored all of the Go references. Especially the one referring to yose. I think if you made the writing of the journal a little less formal it would be better. You are correct -- this fic shows how much you have grown as a writer. And you are getting better. The Opening and ending were great. It's just this style that is a little off. Thank you for Submitting to FFRG!
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Title: FFRG
Reviewed By: Broken Visage [MediaMiner Member] On: August 07, 2005 00:46 CDT
Comment/Review:
You do have a fantastic piece of fiction here but there is an issue with it that struck me and just nagged at me through it. I could not help but feel that you write in a manner that is too formal; it is not as personal as a journal entry should be. It seems to read more like the narration in a third-person fic should. Beyond that, I think this is a good piece. Thank you for submitting to FFRG.
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Title: The beginning...
Reviewed By: Dee-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: August 02, 2005 12:50 CDT
Comment/Review:
I'm not a big fan of short fan-fiction stories, just because they're so often unoriginal, but there I was, reading the beginning of "Traces of Distant Days" feeling a genuine pang. The words gave me a share in Akira's deep sorrow at losing this dear friend of his to another country. It was awesome. A sad, short, well-written piece.
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