| "Innocent Souls" Reviews/Comments [ 6 ] |
Reviewed By: MissSesshoumaru [MediaMiner Member] On: September 08, 2006 22:27 CDT
Comment/Review:
Man that was hot and damned good. You must wright more. I love the way you did that andI hope that I see the next chapter soon!
|
Title: FFARG Review-Chapter 2
Reviewed By: Yuugi-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: December 06, 2005 16:40 CST
Comment/Review:
Thank you for submitting your story to FFARG. You have a good grasp on the Vampire Hunter D series and how D is supposed to act. You also have very good sentence structure and you keep the element of fantasy very well. You also have your original characters in tune to the story. I did notice a few minor errors. You have one or two awkward sentences, and some grammatical and punctuation errors. A quick self-revision can cure this. Overall, this story's plot was well thought out and I enjoy your description and imagery. This story definitely has much potential to go far.
|
Title: ffrg-Chapter 1
Reviewed By: misslady [MediaMiner Member] On: September 29, 2005 23:10 CDT
Comment/Review:
This is a very good start to your story. It catches the reader's attention and pulls them in. There are some spelling errors and words that need to be changed around. D is a bit out of character but you pull it off well. He is more passive then you have him written as. This story has much potential and you seem to know your Faerie well. I like the idea of vampires and faerie together in a story. You might want to look up a beta reader but mainly for the spelling check and grammar flow. I look forward to reading more of this story and seeing how it develops. Please keep up the good work. Misslady
|
Title: FFARG, Ch1 cont.
Reviewed By: SisiXIII [MediaMiner Member] On: August 16, 2005 21:41 CDT
Comment/Review:
"However, D knew of other creatures that might be able to accomplish just that." Is better. "His head was whipped back" "His head snapped back as the foot connected with his chin." Is better. I like your blonde, fairy, she's awesome, and the nurse. Your grammar is good and your characterization makes me fall in love. Very good work and keep it up. Thank you for submitting to the FFARG.
|
Title: FFARG review, Ch1
Reviewed By: SisiXIII [MediaMiner Member] On: August 16, 2005 21:41 CDT
Comment/Review:
I must commend you on your grammar, and your characterization of the vampire Blackmoure. I'm not familiar with the series but you do have me very interested. If you explained a little on what a dhampire is for those who don't know your readers might not have to be familiar with the series. I love your Blackmoure character and I don't know if he's in the series or if he's your own, whatever he is, I love him and he's a VERY good character, if he's yours or if not, you've characterized him VERY well. You've explained efficiently D's past, but you could put a bit more in if you really wanted, either way it's good. "I fell for her as soon as she entered my castle," This is the first awkward sentence I've found in this story. "Fell for her," is not something I would really expect a vampire to say. He could be a bit more eloquent. You seem to capitalize some words after you don't end a sentence in quotations, and you haven't capitalized some words after you HAVE ended sentences. These might just be a mistake but a good beta reader would be able to catch those little things that slip past you. "Pull off the feat." Pull off is not something a demon or wraith does.
|
Reviewed By: Diabolik Affinity [MediaMiner Member] On: July 08, 2005 16:28 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
not to be rude but the movie was based on the book... though there were many things left out due to time restraints...this story looks something interesting, though....my congratulations on a fine piece of work... i hope that this gets better...i too am in the process of creating one such story using the book rather than the movies...I shall continue to read your story as you continue to write...here's hoping it's gonna be good!
|
