Reviewed By: Lina Inverse the Dramata On: July 08, 2005 21:25 CDT
Comment/Review:
I'm sure you tried your best but perhaps you should have had someone beta read it. It was all one paragraph. You probably lost a big portion of your possible readers to that. Run on sentences and misspellings as well. Paragraphs, punctuation... Those things were rather needed for your short story here. And quotation marks properly placed. It was very confusing to read. Things seemed to be happening too fast as well. I hope you fix it up and repost it because the idea of it looked interesting.
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