| "In The Arms Of A War Hero" Reviews/Comments [ 20 ] |
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Title: FFRG review Chap 2
Reviewed By: ElvinYouko [MediaMiner Member] On: November 29, 2005 12:16 CST
Comment/Review:
Great Job! What I know of Gundam Seed could fit on the head of a pin, but I was able to follow the chapter. I can't say if the characters were OOC or not, but you turned them into people by the end of the chapter. Your writing in general is very good. You say somethings that you don't need to. Everyone knows that Tokyo is in Japan, for example. The flow is a little jerky. Transitions between sentences might help. A little more description would be good. A good rule of thumb is half description, half other things. For example where does light fall and how far away are the walls? I hope you continue to submit in the future. This fic as fun to read.
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Title: FFRG review, Prologue
Reviewed By: SisiXIII [MediaMiner Member] On: September 17, 2005 14:41 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hello and thank you for submitting to the FFRG. I'm not familiar with the series Gundam Seed, but I shall try to give you some help anyway. The first thing that I have noticed is that your story has very good grammar; for your age posted on Mediaminer.org, I'm very impressed. Something that I've noticed as I read, is that you have wonderful diction of what is happening and dialogue, you have little actual descriptions of what your characters are feeling, seeing, thinking, and little description of perhaps where they are. Such as the colour of a room or what is in a place. Overall, I'm very sure that if I knew Gundam Seed I'd be more interested in the story. It's got very good grammar but it seems to have a certain pallor to it, as if it lacks emotion. If you work on that you'll have a top rate prologue going on. Good work and keep it up. (~Sisi Waz Here. ^^)
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Title: Awesome!!!
Reviewed By: meiatenjou On: September 10, 2005 12:12 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
loved it, loved it, loved it. nice story, great plot, and chp. 12 is also my fav chapter. may athrunxcagalli live on! please update, onegai.
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Title: FFARG Review Ch 1
Reviewed By: Chibi Halo [MediaMiner Member] On: September 04, 2005 17:20 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thank you for submitting your piece to FFARG. You have a good idea with your story and a decent handle on grammar. However, I noticed where your story could use a bit of reworking. When you had Kira put the bills on the table you said the butler would "short out and pay" them when I believe you wanted the word "sort" Also, while your pace was good your flow could be helped out by adding more description to your chapter. Your paragraphs are too short. Most of them are nothing more than a sentence. It would help if you delved into the minds of your characters other than the one or two thoughts here and there. Plus when you switched to your final scene I didn't know your characters were in jail until one of them mentioned it. You need to remind your readers where your characters are when you switch scenes in a chapter. My recommendation is to get someone to look over your fic before you submit each chapter to help you improve it. Once again thank you for submitting your fic to FFARG.
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Title: UPDATE!
Reviewed By: shadowedsoul [MediaMiner Member] On: August 18, 2005 18:31 CDT
Comment/Review:
Please update soon! I luv ur story!
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Title: great story!
Reviewed By: ~not so anonomous~ On: August 15, 2005 12:37 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
this is an awesome story! keep it up! i'm looking forward to reading the next chapter about Lacus and Mir. oh yeah...did I say AWESOME STORY??
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Title: good job
Reviewed By: 3xotic_rosie On: August 07, 2005 14:06 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
i love ur story.i was soooooooooo happy to c that u updated it(unlike other usless writers) keep up the good work i will be looking out for another update:)
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Title: hi
Reviewed By: 3xotic_rosie On: July 24, 2005 22:04 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
hey, so far the stories is good. keep up the good work cannot wait till u come can and give us the next chp. so far i give this a 8;)
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Title: UPDATE!
Reviewed By: shadowedsoul [MediaMiner Member] On: July 22, 2005 12:27 CDT
Comment/Review:
update
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Reviewed By: ~Alexs On: July 16, 2005 14:47 CDT
Comment/Review:
Great Chapter.....but You aren't going to update in a long tiime so Im angry but holding it inside. I hope you have a awsome trip and come back with ideas and update as soon as u get back! Hopefully. Well thanks for that mention I feel so honored! Well bye for now! ~Alexs
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Reviewed By: ~Alexs On: July 14, 2005 19:39 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
WOW! But no KIRA OR LACUS!!!-_-#. About that direction thingy I though that maybe it was all going to be about love and caring.....not about guys geting abused and stuff. It's not a bad thing because I like this fic! Its a awsome fic! Trust me I reread the chapters 3 times. Well bye bye for now!
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Reviewed By: ~Alexs On: July 13, 2005 17:12 CDT
Comment/Review:
OMG! Im soooooooo sorry for not review chapt 2!! Sorry sorry. I didn't see it being updated because I was out all day. Great chapters btw. So what exactly are you planing for thid story anyways? I mena I get what going on now but it doesn't seem to be going in a certain way I thought it would. Will this fic be a action fic or more Drama? You can answer me in thew next chapter if u like or just e-mail me at adiotte@rogers.com Thnx a bunch!! ~Alexs
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Reviewed By: ~Alexs On: July 11, 2005 19:21 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
WOW! that was AWSOME! loved it except for the Athrun Dearka part. WHAT are you ding to them! Im ok with it. It's just kinda weird. Well thanks for the mention. Hope I get another. *Wink Wink*. Well Im off. Hope you update soon. P.S. Sorry for not reviewing first on this chapter. I think.
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Reviewed By: xoxStArDuStxox [MediaMiner Member] On: July 11, 2005 16:17 CDT
Comment/Review:
omg did u like my other comments i was havving fun no maybe im just dumb but ur my friend u know im not
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Reviewed By: xoxStArDuStxox [MediaMiner Member] On: July 11, 2005 16:16 CDT
Comment/Review:
OMG I lUv it! Do you here me LuV it! Please write more like right now! Please! Don't forget to keep writing. I am looking forward to reading more.
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