Reviewed By: Troy Thomas [MediaMiner Member] On: November 26, 2001 14:38 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 4 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hi, my name is Troy Thomas. I'm new at c&cing, so please, take nothing personal, I'm only offering my opinion ^_^ Sorry it's so short, but I'm pressed for time.
Style of Writing:
It is like reading a story summary. You need to show the action, rather than tell the reader about it. Otherwise, the story becomes stale.
Spelling & Grammar:
You're spelling is fine. A few mistakes, but a quick re-read, and you should catch them.
However, your grammar is distracting. It's distracting enough to put people off of reading your story.
Thoughts should be in single quotes.
Here are some suggestions:
Instead of leading your story off with: "The Battle Fought: PrologueThe Battle Fought – Prologue", break it up:
The Battle Fought
By Author Name {and e-mail address}
{space}
Disclaimer [I notice you've not placed a disclaimer in your story]
{space}
{line, to seperate the story from the technicalities: i.e. title, disclaimer, ex cetera}
{space}
Chapter Number
Originality/Creativity:
I must be honest: nothing happens. Every chapter should have something in it, which draws the reader back to read another chapter.
This prologue offers no conflict; a girl rides a train, worries about a heart, mentions a few names, but there's nothing to draw the reader in.
Personally speaking, I would take a step back from the story so I might have a moment to objectively look at it. Then I would ask, where do I want to go with the story? Ask this question for every chapter.
Enjoyment Factor and Overall Rating:
Please remember, these are only my opinions.
***
Troy Thomas
Silentnova@go.com
http://ca.geocities.com/therealsilentnova/fanfiction/index.html |
