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| "Unexpected Developments" Reviews/Comments [ 4 ] | Reviewed By: Kandy On: March 22, 2002 15:27 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I could get the right number for ORIGINALITY/CREATIVITY: 15!!!
I love it! | Reviewed By: The Stark [MediaMiner Member] On: January 17, 2002 18:56 CST
Comment/Review:
Yowza! Well, as I drink my ice tea and mop some sweat off of my brow, I would like to add a comment or two.
I really liked your fanfic. I thought it kept true to the characters, and offered a very interesting supposition
about how the characters first got together. Interesting subtle context, too, like "the look" between V/B being similar
to CC/G.
Well done!
B | Reviewed By: Allie Zorn [MediaMiner Member] On: December 30, 2001 09:13 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
Style: You used mostly loose, straightforward sentences which fit this type of fic well. Much of the story was action and the short sentences complimented it well. However, when feelings were involved, the shortness tended to make it seem like the emotions were superficial. I found your diction lacking sophistication. Because this is a fic with mature themes, it will -- hopefully -- attract mature audiences. I didn't come across any words that a seventh grader couldn't understand or any words that held any special connotations. I think if you write lemons, a good way to discourage underage reading is by using a vocabulary that is hard to comprehend for younger children. To finish up style, I think some work on establishing a more convinced mood could greatly help this fanfic.
Spelling and Grammar: You didn't have too many mistakes in this category. There were some glaring spelling errors that spellcheck or a beta reader could fix. There were also some grammar mistakes like a lack of punctuation, improper use of commas, and unclear quotations.
Originality/Creativity: Vegeta/Bulma get togethers have been done to death. However, your story does have a little-used twist to it. With the correction and improvement of other areas of the story, the jaded plot could become irrelevant or original.
Enjoyment Factor: Some of the technical mistakes made me stop and have to reread to comprehend what you were trying to get across, but your story does have a good foundation that needs only some refinement.
Allie Zorn
alliezorn@yahoo.com | Reviewed By: Susan On: December 29, 2001 23:31 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
DAMN THIS IS SSSSSSOOOOOOO GOOD!! I already read this fic at another website, but I'm gonna read it again because it's awesome. So Firaga, JB and all you B/V lovers out there-you guys gotta read this one. SSSWWWEEEEEETTT LEMON!! Please put up the next chap asap. Peace and Happy New Year |
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