Title: FFRG
Reviewed By: Broken Visage [MediaMiner Member] On: July 29, 2005 20:41 CDT
Comment/Review:
First off, I would like to clarify what a flame is, as you state before the fic that you "accept them." A flame is an insult, not help in certain areas. Help is called constructive criticism, which is what we at the FFRG give authors. Now, onto the fic. You jump right into the plot with nothing leading us up to it. IMO, that is a bad thing as we have no reason for why she loves the other girl. Also, you have a distinct lack of description. Description is the meat of the story; dialogue does NOT stand on its own. You must have a good amount of description. Remember, show us what's happening, don't tell us. You should also have a beta double-check all your grammar and spelling as there are some issues every so often. Last thing, double space between paragraphs that way all your writing isn't bunched together. Tabs do not transfer onto the site, so make sure there is a blank line between each paragraph. Thank you for submitting to FFRG.
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