| "Ambiguity" Reviews/Comments [ 13 ] |
Reviewed By: Poker Alice [MediaMiner Member] On: January 31, 2007 11:37 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Really enjoying this fic. Please update A.S.A.P. I like the inner mon. bit also. Good good good! =^_^= Faye
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Reviewed By: GinaCat [MediaMiner Member] On: April 21, 2006 21:04 CDT
Comment/Review:
I like this fic I hope you update soon I can't wait to find out what happens
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Reviewed By: Gothic Butterfly [MediaMiner Member] On: March 09, 2006 07:41 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really enjoyed reading your story and can't wait to read more. Most of the time I'm a Kikyou hater, somewhat, but I liked the way you kind of "got her out of the way", it was nice that she sacrificed herself for Kagome and Inuyasha. Horray! Naraku's dead *jumps for joy* Now we get nice lemony Kagome and Inuyasha stuff right? :P
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Title: FFRG Review Ch. 3
Reviewed By: Sueric [MediaMiner Member] On: December 07, 2005 06:23 CST
Comment/Review:
Thanks for submitting to FFRG! I wanted to comment, firstly, on the cleanness of your submission. There are a grammatical (punctuation) trouble-spots, but nothing remarkable enough to jerk me out of your story. The chapter was quite well done and enjoyable overall. The one overall 'critique' I have for you deals with something that I noticed in a few places, which was the use of 'telling' your story instead of 'showing' it. For example, "Words could not begin to do justice on the size of the space she was looking at." Instead of using a phrase like this, the sense of size and space could more effectively be conveyed in something as simple as Kagome's reactions as she looks around this cave/cavern. It is a bit more difficult to do, but it is worth it to your readers in the end. It imbues your readers with a better feel, if not a better mental image, of exactly what you're trying to convey. Your description is very good; your choice of wording is clear and concise. Nice job with Kagome's inner dialogue! Keep up the hard work, and thanks again for submitting to FFRG!
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Reviewed By: Krami [MediaMiner Member] On: November 16, 2005 07:22 CST
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This story rocks! Please update soon!! please please PLEASE! Ok I'm done.
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Title: inuyashaloverr
Reviewed By: inuyashaloverr [MediaMiner Member] On: October 22, 2005 20:19 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really like your story thus far. I like how you've kept everyone in character. I'm really interested in where you go with the story. Should be interesting. And do hope you update soon.
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Title: FFARG review
Reviewed By: Sari-15 [MediaMiner Member] On: September 01, 2005 20:01 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thanks for submitting to FFARG. I really enjoyed your characterization. You did a wonderful job keeping Kagome and InuYasha very in character in the prologue. I did read the whole thing, since I enjoyed what you have posted so far...and I just wanted to comment on a few things that happened later...though my review will primarily be over the prologue. Two things about the other two chapters. First being Kagura...if you are up to date on the manga and the anime you will realize that Naraku and her really aren't allies...your opinion of her will change later. (and Naraku would never call her Kagura-chan)Also...when using honorifics--stay consistant using both 'lord monk' and 'Kagura-chan' really stood out to me. Pick one and stick with it. The second thing is there is a thread in the forums...'Website Feedback' that Sueric started that might help with the upload problem with chapter three. That said...onto the prologue. You have a great voice so far...work on bringing more emotion into your writing. In the prologue alone...there was lots of fluff opportunity. Use the POV to your advantage, for instance when InuYasha is removing the sliver...how close is he? How would Kagome feel? Would she be able to breathe? Would she hold her breath? Butterflies in her stomach? That doesn't just work for fluff...angst...action...it works everywhere. Emotions add a lot to writing and help us get into their heads better. Thanks for submitting to FFARG.
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Title: FFRG review (prologue)
Reviewed By: BakaBokken [MediaMiner Member] On: August 31, 2005 13:18 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thank you for submitting your story to the FFRG. (I know it's been FFRG'd, but it wasn't marked and I read it anyway. XD I'll be adding on to F.E.'s comments as well.) I thought you did quite well with the prologue for the story - the dialogue had a nice flow, and you did a very good job characterizing both InuYasha and Kagome. Well done! My main nit-pick (which I will expound on further than F.E. did) concerns the grammatical errors I caught. They weren't horrible, but they were there - dialogues without tags ("he said" or whatever variation) need to end with a period, question mark, exclamation mark, or ellipses ("...") and not a comma. I also noticed a few excess ellipses - you could replace many of these with a different punctuation mark and it'd be that much more effective. Your description is very well done, though a few places could use a little more so that we (the readers) have a very clear picture in our minds of what's going on. I also noticed just a couple of awkward descriptions ("A heavy yellow backpack heaved itself" - the bag wouldn't heave itself, for example). Otherwise, you have a very solid start here! I quite enjoyed reading it. Polish up the grammar and descriptions a bit (a really good beta reader would be invaluable in that regard), and you're well on your way to a great story. ^^ Thanks again for submitting your work to the FFRG.
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Title: F.F.R.G
Reviewed By: Forlorn Essence [MediaMiner Member] On: August 28, 2005 19:29 CDT
Comment/Review:
I found this to be a great fanfiction so far! The storyline is wonderful and well-kept and the characters seem perfectly in-character with no OOC at all. There are, however, some concerns I have. The wording is sometimes a little off and the grammer and spelling is slightly confusing. I suggest looking over your work thoroughly before submiting it. But other than that, I love it! It's a great fiction! Thanks for submiting it to FFRG! -F.E*
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Reviewed By: Van Fatesway [MediaMiner Member] On: August 09, 2005 16:40 CDT
Comment/Review:
*Pokes Jesachi* You wanted me to read it, and I did. ^_^ And, just like you said I would, I loved it, and want you to write more. So...*Pokes again* Get to it!!!
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Reviewed By: Keiko89 On: August 05, 2005 21:39 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Great job! Update soon and...um...keep up the good work! Cioa.
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Reviewed By: Fruitcake On: July 31, 2005 21:49 CDT
Comment/Review:
oh man. hey. whats up? awsome fic. you started writing again. thats awsome. And it's great. Nice plot. It's got me hooked. heh. Hope Inuyasha get's to Naraku in time. :) sorry we haven't talked. dunno what happened. But I'll definately keep up with your fic. ~Mel (fruitcake if you forgot..heh)
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Reviewed By: Kuramas gurl [MediaMiner Member] On: July 26, 2005 15:03 CDT
Comment/Review:
good ficcy, update soon please.
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