Title: FFARG review
Reviewed By: Sari-15 [MediaMiner Member] On: August 17, 2005 00:23 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thanks for submitting to FFARG. The concept of this story I really enjoyed, dealing with the death of Tasha Yar is an interesting take on things. I realize this is a one shot, but there was a great lack of detail that left me somewhat disappointed. There is a writing style called 'Show don't tell' which pretty much means using your five senses in your writing, through your characters thoughts, actions, emotions. You spent all of your time 'telling' your readers what was going on, instead of having Tasha do that for you. It drags readers into the story more, gives it more life, makes it believable. I think your base storytelling is strong, you just need to learn to do this to make it stronger. For instance Tasha felt very tense. So did the rest of the crew, she judged by their facial expressions....who's facial expressions? What expressions? HOW was she tense? Did her back straighten? Did she clench her fist? Did it make her shoulders hurt? This two sentence paragraph...could be SO much more with a little description and having it be her reaction to everything. The incest...seemed off... I am a stickler for characterization and this just didn't seem believable to me. There was no thought, it was too abrupt. Again...I think it needs more detail to it...add to the characterization to make it something I can believe would happen. Thanks for submitting to FFARG.
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