| "Naraku's Desire" Reviews/Comments [ 5 ] |
Reviewed By: animaygurl [MediaMiner Member] On: October 13, 2006 00:04 CDT
Comment/Review:
AHHHHHHHHH! This is SO good! I don't remember if I reviewed last time... but i am now! So please update soon!
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Reviewed By: animaygurl [MediaMiner Member] On: July 13, 2006 02:40 CDT
Comment/Review:
Pretty good so far, it still feels a little rushed though. Update soon please!
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Title: Update soon!!
Reviewed By: Inulvr [MediaMiner Member] On: August 27, 2005 17:29 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Please update soon!!I want to see the next chapter!!!It's really good!!!
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Reviewed By: paulsgirl On: August 09, 2005 01:34 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Cool story. Please update soon. I wanna know whats gonna happen to Inuyanna. Oh and a word of advice dont make the story go so fast...add a bit more description and a bit more emotion if you can. Inuyanna seemed a little to...calm about leaving her stepdad.
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Title: FFARG Review (Chapter 1)
Reviewed By: xfiledino [MediaMiner Member] On: August 05, 2005 21:16 CDT
Comment/Review:
Ok, first off let me say thank you for submitting this to the FFARG!! Now on to the story... it seemed to go by too fast. I think it could use some more descriptions. Describe what her stepfather looks like, describe her house, etc. There were a few spelling mistakes, like: '... he dad noticed...'. Also, you in one paragraph it seems to jump from one subject to another: 'Cordell knew that Yanna didn't belong here. Just then Sesshoumaru got up from the couch.' The paragraph should center around Cordell and then you should start a new paragraph stating that Sesshomaru got up from the couch. I suggest getting yourself a beta reader. They would be able to catch those little errors that would otherwise go unnoticed by the writer. If you get a good beta, they could also help you with descriptions, plots, and even just simple bits and pieces that one may not even think about. Again, the action seemed a little fast. Why would Sesshomaru come in intent on taking her back to her own kind, then leave and tell her he'd be back in one year? It just doesn't seem to fit for some reason. However I did not read beyond the first chapter, so maybe you explain it later on. Again, thanks for submitting this to the FFARG!!
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