Reviewed By: kuramaandkarasu [MediaMiner Member] On: December 01, 2005 23:15 CST
Comment/Review:
I'd like to say thank you for submitting your piece of fiction to FFRG. In your story, I found myself wanting more descriptions of people, places, etc. Adding more imagery would really help the reader to envision the surroundings of the story and help them to actually picture themselves as though they were watching the events unfold right in front of them. I would suggest getting a beta reader to help find run-ons, grammar errors, spelling errors, and capitalization problems I continually found throughout the story. The story also seemed awkward in the sexual scenes as they seem to add to the plot and came across as sex just for sex. The song added in seemed to break the plot and the tone of the story. There were small spelling errors that I'd recommend using spellcheck to find. I liked the name 'Duplica', and it made me think of fond times in Biology whenever I read it. Keep on writing!
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