Title: FFRG review (chapter 1)
Reviewed By: BakaBokken [MediaMiner Member] On: September 04, 2005 04:42 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thank you for submitting your story to the FFRG. ^^ I agree - Neji does seem to be a bit underrated (as far as Naruto characters go), and I applaud you for tackling his perspective. However, I notice that you've set this at least 6 years beyond where the manga is. I would guess that by then - as all the characters in this chapter are quite skilled in their own rights - all 6 of the 'teams' would be at least jounin-level by then (Neji is a jounin in the manga now, and he's only about 15 or 16), if not higher-ranked than that. Should that be the case, I'd suspect that a few of them would have teams of their own to train as well (Shikamaru is now an examiner for the chuunin exam in the manga, for example), or a few might even be part of ANBU. (Hope I'm not spoiling too much for you!) That could be my own take on their development, though. ^^; As for the technical aspects of your story, you have solid grammar, though I did note a few small errors here and there. The description could use a little more, and the formatting - especially with the dialogue - is a litte funky (which is probably MMo's mistake). Neji seemed a bit over-done, although he is a tough character to work with. I'd suggest looking for a beta reader with a strong grasp in the Naruto fandom (and with grammar) to help you work on the logic and character aspects. Should be interesting to see if Sasuke and Neji could feasibly hook up. Keep writing, and good luck with future chatpers. Thanks again for your submission. |
