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| "Dear Diary" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Title: FFRG review
Reviewed By: ElvinYouko [MediaMiner Member] On: October 31, 2005 11:52 CST
Comment/Review:
Hi! One warning: I'm not really a DBZ fan; I've only watched a little bit of the show. So I don't really know the characters. The plot seems fluffy, but entertaining. It really gets at how inane Bulma can be(I know some about her). It's a good premise, and it is well-executed. The writing is fairly good. It is a little hard to picture what is going on in the story; perhaps adding physical details would make it better. Maybe it's just because I haven't watched the show, but it is confusing trying to picture the action. Readers can not have the detailed view of the scene that the author does, unless you put lots of description in. Your A/N(author's note) in the middle of the text is somewhat confusing. Most authors put their notes at the beginning or end of the chapter, so that they do not interupt the flow of the story. The grammar errors are few and apparently supposed to be there(like Bulma's run on sentences). It is common to say "__ days later" instead of "__ days after the diary entery"; just an authorial convention you might not have known. I like how you are balancing the diary entries with narration. Keep up the good work!
| Reviewed By: Jessyrocks15 [MediaMiner Member] On: October 10, 2005 09:58 CDT
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
LOL!!! That was funny!! it made me read more!!!
| Reviewed By: Free-sprit [MediaMiner Member] On: September 05, 2005 11:28 CDT
Comment/Review:
This was actually quite funny. I laughed a lot, I liked it! You should write some more chapters, and yu should write more stories, really. Maybe, if you do that kinda thing, you could write a romance with lemon or something, it always attract ppl. Thanks.
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