Reviewed By: InusDemoness [MediaMiner Member] On: September 01, 2005 22:02 CDT
Comment/Review:
Things that stick out to me right from the beginning is that it's kind of hard to read. You might want to think about separating the story into paragraphs to make it less confusing. And defining who's speaking. There were also some spelling mistakes but that's normal for this being your first fic.
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