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| "Rejected" Reviews/Comments [ 13 ] | Title: Quite confusing chapter
Reviewed By: Deluxe489 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 04, 2008 18:40 CDT
Comment/Review:
This chapter was very confusing, though I can imagine that it was intended. Your views on that piece of crap called Arceus and all those other Pearl/Diamond pokemon pretty much reflect my own, as it seems to me the creators ran out of ideas and decided to base a new legendary on a god actually worshiped here. On another note, your mastery of language has greatly improved, and I also like how you displayed Memoria's personality. Your depiction of the true nature of the Pokemon Tower is quite original, and I look forward to the next chapter to see if they will encounter Death!
| Reviewed By: Deluxe489 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 16, 2008 21:50 CDT
Comment/Review:
Well, I'm glad to see that you have updated this marvelous piece -most authors abandon a piece for years before taking it back up, or they never restart it again. Once again, you've terrifically succeeded in furthering the plot in a way that makes the reader simply look to the next chapter with much enthusiasm. You've not only introduced the cloned Mew (and made a reference to those people obsessed with Japan) and provided a new emphasis on the danger posed by her trainer, but you indicated that Mewtwo will become powerful as time continues to go by, and that there is another reason for the world being how it is, revolving around Mewtwo. There is one thing that I find perplexing in all your chapters so far: your way of writing. Instead of using long, detailed paragraphs, you use much shorter variations. It's not something bad -I even consider it more appropriate to the nature of the story-, but I wonder why you use this style. Again, I look forward to seeing more from you, and I wish you luck! ~Deluxe489
| Title: A commentary from a new reader
Reviewed By: Deluxe489 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 14, 2008 18:15 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
It has been some time since I last read a good Pokemon fanfiction piece -or any good fanfiction piece, for that matter-, and I must say that yours has truly impressed me. Although I originally wasn't too attracted by your rather imprecise spelling and grammar, your story has kept me deeply interested. The development of the plot and characters is truly worthy of a masterpiece, and your constant twists and turns in the course of the story have amazed me. Just as I would start thinking that I could tell what was going on and what was going to happen, you make a flawless plot twist, furthering the overall enjoyment factor. Unlike most authors, who might stick to one set storyline and make maybe one or two unexpected major changes that surprises the reader, you manage to pull off countless twists in the direction of the plot, showing just how much work you have put into creating it. You create many themes that fit together perfectly, and there have been numerous instances where I found myself feeling emotions that most stories, whether on paper or on the Net, fail to evoke within me. There are, however, some things that I might suggest for you to improve on or change -you don;t have to take my advice, but it's just what I think would serve this story some more good. As I previously stated, your grammar and spelling aren't top notch, although there are far worse pieces. Also, I was quite confused when you were describing the undead; you made it seem at first that their hearts never beat and they never breathe, but later on you show Cherlie breathing and describe the beating of her heart. It wasn't until the latest chapter that you clarified the point on the undead, and even then, it doesn't go with what you wrote as Mewlt was first describing Cherlie's zombie-esque way of 'living,' after they found out she was undead. Also, it is quite confusing how you wrote, near the beginning, of how Mewlt would unleash a super-powerful act of Darkness that completely decimated everything aroundwhen he was feeling large quantities of emotions, but it was never again used except once a bit after, even when he was feeling great amounts of negative feelings. In the last chapter or so, I recall as well, during the sex scene between Mew and Mewtwo, that Mewtwo kept referring to Mew as 'the female.' While technically correct, it was quite puzzling that you didn't use her name or a pronoun like 'her' or 'she.' Despite the relatively minor flaws, I deeply enjoy your story. I hate Celebi, I hate Ho-oh, and I love the way you portray them. The Cycle of Rebirth is very interesting, and I like how you have managed to make almost all trainers sound so conceited. Your way of showing the corruption of all living things, as well as how you made up the concepts of the undead Pokemon, the Defects, and of each Legendary being a god of a particular element or essence (unless I somehow missed all that if it already existed) has left me intrigued and wondering what you will come up with next. I say, don't stop writing! You're an excellent writer, and I hope to see more from you soon! PS: If people bother you excessively about your grammar and spelling, know that mastery of language only partly makes up a good writer; a good writer is one who can tell a story and leave those reading it astounded, as you have done.
| Title: *sighs* At last
Reviewed By: Jenny Galaxie [MediaMiner Member] On: September 02, 2006 10:27 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
There was so much feeling in this chapter and boy was it long! It took me about three days straight to read it through, but unfortunately I could not write any Review (blame my lazyness!! not me!!). But overall the fiction is a pricless piece, with so much intentions and fears that it makes you want to fall into the plot itself. Sometimes I forget that it is actually Mewtwo speaking when I read "I" (or his son), it just makes the fiction come closer to the reader. The Grammer errors and the slight miss-spelling can be ignored, it does not appear often. The story line itself gives me to think since I still have not quite determinated the cause of all their distress, is it life? Or is it the way people around them act that makes Pokemon either a Ghost like battler or a kindhearted being? There are still so many questions unanswered in my head, so I would plead for another chapter (but unfortunately I am not standing beside you to do so *sweet drop*). Just continue, that is all I ask for and Thank You.
| Reviewed By: Bliksem [MediaMiner Member] On: November 13, 2005 11:10 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This story actually reminds me of something that I wrote a little while ago. I have to say that the story is simply incredible. The writing in some parts is a little scratchy, but the story more than makes up for whatever little misspellings one may find. Kudos for such good work!
| Title: Ages...HY ^^
Reviewed By: Jenny Galaxie [MediaMiner Member] On: October 22, 2005 08:43 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Another two glorious chapters. They were really good, but it was kind of sad that Mewlt never realised that his mother was Mew, but he will save her soul wont he??? I hope so a lot and thanks for writing, I will have to get back on it when school lets me *cries* oh well, good luck on and continue please!!!!!!
| Title: ^-^
Reviewed By: Ms Lilly [MediaMiner Member] On: October 14, 2005 06:52 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
WOW! I REALLY loved this story (I read all of it). And it was sooo sad when mew died *sniff*. Anyways, CONTINUE WITH IT!!! Because I LOVE it! BYE! /Ms Lilly
| Title: Wow, cool, he is okay!!
Reviewed By: Jenny Galaxie(not logged in and in school again -_-') On: September 29, 2005 03:00 CDT
Comment/Review:
I was really scared that he might have died, but that he and Cherlie got caught together that was something new! And the girl was kind of cute, never thought that something good might happen to them. Well, Update soon and thanks for the great chappy, see ya around!! ^-^
| Title: WOW 0_0
Reviewed By: Jenny Galaxie (at school with little time!) On: September 21, 2005 14:36 CDT
Comment/Review:
That was really good explained, the way he felt, the dream, the legendary Jirachi, Cherlie, that was really awesome! Excellent written, there were a few time mistakes though. Thank you anyway for writing this chapter and have fun with the next onw too, see ya later and UPDATE!! ^-^
| Title: Another good chapter
Reviewed By: Jenny Galaxie (-_- You know the drill) On: September 13, 2005 12:20 CDT
Comment/Review:
It was great, you can express his feeling very well, especially the ones he feels for his former lover Cherlie (Minun),but never have I heard about Celebi acting like that, that was truly a new idea, I hope ya Update soon again,See ya around!!!
| Title: Another wonderful two new chapters!
Reviewed By: Jenny Galaxie ( not logged in once again) On: September 09, 2005 16:35 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
The story is very good. The chapters did confuse me a bit, but that doesn't matter. So the Mew is his mother, does that mean Mewtwo is his father? I hope he does realise this someday, that he has met his mother, but from the chapter he will never know, sad really. I hope you continue on and thanks for writing another chapter!! Well, see ya around, have fun writing ^-^!!
| Title: Cool, an Update so soon!
Reviewed By: Jenny Galaxie (not logged in again) On: September 07, 2005 08:56 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Spooky, never imagined that a pack of Pikachu could do that. It was really scary. But one thing confused me more, as when Cherlie suddenly was male, did I miss out something? Wasn't she a Minun? Well, I should read threw the story again, to see if I have missed anything. Okay, thanks for Updating so fast, see ya around!!
| Title: Hey, unique idea!
Reviewed By: Jenny Galaxie (not logged in) On: September 06, 2005 07:52 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really enjoyed the chapters, it explaines well how the Pokemon feel and I never heard of defects either, that is astonishing! You are a great writer, you can express yourself very well, some time mistakes, but I have that as well...so dont worry to much about them. I hope you continue the story plot, it is really intruging!! Good luck in that as well, see ya!
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