| "Second Chances" Reviews/Comments [ 17 ] |
| Pages (2): [ 1 2 > » ] |
Title: FFRG Review-Chapter 1
Reviewed By: Sari-15 [MediaMiner Member] On: October 29, 2005 09:55 CDT
Comment/Review:
Ehh...I know I promised you a review...but I have been so busy lately that I am going to kill two birds with one stone. This is only for chapter one though. You managed to catch Terri Botta's world and I hope that she is proud to have you working on a continuation for her. Your story telling voice is wonderful and I really enjoyed this first chapter. There were a very small handful of grammar mistakes (bead instead of bed was one that sticks out) but I know you have a strong beta and even the best of us miss things at times. The storyline so far seems interesting, the only thing that stood out that sent off alarm bells as I read was in the final section--what I assume to be the villian. I am a strong believer of making your villian have purpose--have meaning. They should have something that makes them not seem 'completely evil'. Weather that is a misguided belief or some strange trait that makes them have some weakness, they need to 'seem' human. I am not saying you did this, only keep an eye out for this as you write. Everyone's actions need to be believable, have meaning. This includes the villian. The only thing I know about this person is what I assume from your female lead, and her veiw would be...biased at the moment. (Putting that mildly.) Great Job Bara! I will read more when I get some time.
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Reviewed By: Aeolia [MediaMiner Member] On: October 04, 2005 17:53 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Comment/Review:
Well, here I am! Like I've told you, I never saw IY so I a lot of the references you made throughout the chapters just whizzed past me near the speed of light and did not stop for a wave. Particularly in this last chapter, whenever there was mention of the youki/aura/concealment spells thing, I just nodded and inconspicuously strolled on, lol! So I can't offer you many (read "any") comments there. I gave you a 7 at originality, but that's not a rating you should stick to and get obcessed about. Hurt/comfort fics (I got the feeling that that is where this is headed) abound, but you're still pretty early on the story-telling so there might still be a lot of gasp-inducing plot-twists to come. Grammar/spelling is not something I like to comment on, since English is not my mother language, but as far as I could tell it just had the occasional type-o that insists on clinging to life. And now, the girl. I would definitely not call her Mary Sue just yet, since she has barely had the opportunity to show her character (unless she is a known character, in which case I am completely off). She does, however, come fully armed with the Mary Sue's weapons of ellection, so you'll have to be careful with what you do. First, she is immersed in sorrow because of a tragic event. Second, she has abilities she shouldn't. You asked for advise on this, and the only one I can think to give you is: don't let her become the universal gravitational center of sympathy... Happy writings! Aeolia
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Reviewed By: Ms Smith [MediaMiner Member] On: September 27, 2005 23:04 CDT
Comment/Review:
I've liked your fic so far. I hope you'll continue it soon. Was is Sess. who raped Becca? I'm so curious!
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Reviewed By: Ms Smith [MediaMiner Member] On: September 20, 2005 03:01 CDT
Comment/Review:
I've only read the 1st chapter (I'll be reading the rest soon!) and am just loving it! Some of your spelling is a bit off, but that is all the neg. stuff I noticed. I feel like you know Terri Botta's characters and the writing is (in my opinion)as seamless as you can get with being a diff. author from "The Lucky Ones". I look forward to reading more. Again, nice 1st chapter.
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Reviewed By: Lonnie On: September 20, 2005 01:54 CDT
Comment/Review:
It seems good so far, but no offense I have to ask, is this a Mary Jane/self-insertion fic? It kind of seems that way so far, and I just wanted to ask.
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Reviewed By: Ice Vixen X (nsi) On: September 20, 2005 01:46 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Keep up the good work... ^_~
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Reviewed By: AislynnAndraste On: September 19, 2005 23:23 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
(borrowing GinA's thing) FWEE!! I lubb this chapie, and I'm really starting to like Mrs. Clarkson less and less. Just like I might've come to a middle ground with here, and here she goes with something pushing my buttons again... Ah, phooey. I love this story! Such great work.
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Reviewed By: cj flutterbye On: September 19, 2005 23:04 CDT
Comment/Review:
this is pretty good. keep plugging away - I'm interested in seeing where you are going.
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Reviewed By: AislynnAndraste On: September 18, 2005 18:54 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
O.O I don't know whether to gush at you or bow down in praise! I LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! this story. Yukio just radiates shmexiness! He's so good with Ian, so cute. Man...I'm craving some Starbucks coffee right about now. *goes off to get a bottle of Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino* *hands a bottle to you* I can't wait to see who'e saying "you're really cute" and who it's directed at! This story kicks ass and I've not even finished reading LO yet...you're good! I'm lucky to have such great authors as friends, yay! *does happy dance* Thanks for another chappie...*running-glomp-squeeze* I really don't like Mrs. Clarkson...she's a meany! >.< Lots er lurve!
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Title: its Gin-alike!
Reviewed By: QamarNoor [MediaMiner Member] On: September 13, 2005 13:17 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hey Bara! This looks like another great chapter, lol I just love how you do Ian. "You're pretty!" oohh, hehe i think I know who that is ;) looking foeward to seeing more! Gin~
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Reviewed By: Ice Vixen X (not signed in) On: September 12, 2005 02:21 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I am glad to see this fic continued. Go you ^_^ And good job so far... ^_~
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Reviewed By: D'Lark On: September 10, 2005 18:24 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Amazing start! Looks like you're doing a great job keeping true to the rhythem of the origional story. Keep it up and please post again soon, I can't wait to see what happens next.
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Reviewed By: InuOden On: September 10, 2005 13:16 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Can you please contact Terri-Botta and ask her for me when she will updated Coyote Child. She doesn't seem to be answering my emails. Email me back at DeadlyHib@hotmail.com
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Title: nice
Reviewed By: adamile [MediaMiner Member] On: September 05, 2005 17:26 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well a good start in this story and I want to read more. Although I love Terra Botta's stories and was sad that she hasn't continued with the Cayotte Child or other Lucky Ones sequels, I am glad that SOMEONE is continuing with stories based on that series. I hope Terra will continue someday and I feel that you did justice and honor to Terra and her fics with this story. I hope you will update soon and am adding you to my favorites.
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Title: Response to Concern
Reviewed By: TheAuthoress On: September 05, 2005 04:12 CDT
Comment/Review:
Dear Concerned~ I made sure that i not only recieved permission from Terri Botta to use her characters, but I also sent her this chapter as well as my story line/idea for preapprvoal beofre I posted. I appreciate your concern and I am sure that Terri Botta will as well. :) Bara
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