|
| "Spirits Of The Forgotten Mists" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: Desdinova [MediaMiner Member] On: July 22, 2006 23:53 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 3 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 4 of 10
Overall Rating: 4 of 10 Comment/Review:
This story is incoherent. What it wants more than anything else is a competent beta reader. Oh, and a plotline germane to the fandom it disputably belongs to. If this is a fanfic, it should have something to do with canon, and I just don't see that here. There are too many plot chiches to count. Furthermore the "boy-meets-girl" in high school thing has been done to death, and in every genre known. The abrupt shift from Chapter 1 to Chapter 2 isn't supported in Chapter 1. The so-called introduction doesn't support anything. I can't tell who's talking, or why they're reacting the way they do. Oh, and about that intro...read this: http://www.dcs.gla.ac.uk/SF-Archives/Misc/eyeargon.html#end The Eye of Argon is a classic in utter badfic, and a potent warning of what might befall due to bad word and punctuation choices. Here's one: "She shall go and seek, that mountain." What you wrote was that that mountain shall go and seek. Go and seek what? A comma doesn't go in that sentence anywhere. Take it out and you have: She shall go and seek that mountain." Although I don't have a clue as to who "she" is, I at least know what she's doing. This needs a LOT of work. I don't know if I have any canon gurus for A.I. Love You, but lots of people who are wizards at punctuation and grammar. They like to help people. http://p206.ezboard.com/bresponsiblewritersoffandom
| Title: ?
Reviewed By: Kyhan [MediaMiner Member] On: January 02, 2006 19:22 CST
Comment/Review:
Okay, i didn;t read all of it, but forst ff, do you know what "A.I. Love You" is? It's a manga about a guy who has a Computer program of a girl, and it comes to life. This is not even the slightest bit to do with the anime...
|
|
|
