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| "Rin's Smile and Sesshomaru's Decision" Reviews/Comments [ 4 ] | Title: FFRG review ch 1
Reviewed By: White_Winged_Atlantian [MediaMiner Member] On: November 25, 2005 00:12 CST
Comment/Review:
Good evening and thank you for submitting to the FFRG, what I can say RIGHT now, (As I review stories as I read them) I love Sesshoumaru and Rin. You've got some good grammar, but some words awry. A good beta reader will filter through your story and help you with that. I know that "She had hidden" is not quite right. "She had been hidden," sounds better. Currently, for your first chapter, it has more of a 'prologue-y' feel to it with the narrative that you've taken with it. More description into scenes, perhaps having a memory of sitting by the campfire with Sesshoumaru, and if Fluffy is fighting often, you could note that Rin would have gained some note of first aid. You leave it off very well and I want to read more. >.>
| Title: ffrg review
Reviewed By: angelica incarnate [MediaMiner Member] On: October 01, 2005 00:43 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thanks for submitting your piece for review. We are only supposed to do a chapter at a time... but I'll review the whole piece as I could not resist reading all of it. I found no technical errors of any sort... you are either the most meticulous writer I've ever read or you have a phenomenal beta reader--either way, I'm highly impressed. I loved the layout of your chapters, especially the way you ended each one. The emotion throughout the piece is beautifully written, the symbolism in the dream is an extremely effective device to convey those emotions. I think the only thing I would suggest you look at is the pacing and wording of the last chapter. It was somewhat hard to tell that all the events in the latter half of the chapter were happening simultaneously. Also, consider putting the thoughts of characters in 'italics with a single mark instead of as normal quotes'. It might clarify things further. Thanks you so much for bringing this piece to attention, it's beautifully written and was a pleasure to read. Best of luck you in your future endeavors.
| Reviewed By: curly 211 On: September 25, 2005 13:43 CDT
Comment/Review:
I loved it! I was sobbing but still! Very nice and I'm gonna start reading the sequel now. ^^
| Reviewed By: myztik_shadow_inu [MediaMiner Member] On: September 22, 2005 17:45 CDT
Comment/Review:
Wow. This fic is definitely an awesome example of the most powerful and meaningful fics having the least number of words. I am utterly impressed. I love how you managed to keep Sesshomaru and Rin in character, and yet made sure that emotions were properly portrayed and effective. Well done! It takes a truly talented writer to accomplish what you have with this fic. An amazing job. I absolutely loved this fic. I am definitely off to read the sequel, because I'm sure it'll be just as intriguing and wonderful as this. I really can't say how much I absolutely enjoyed this fic, honestly, there are no words to describe it. I'm actually speechless, and it normally takes a lot to shut me up; I suppose it I were to put it simply: I love this fic. But wow. Well, anyway, keep up the awesome work! ~Clarissa Ann Mirko
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