| "A mission with LT.Hirigashi" Reviews/Comments [ 5 ] |
Title: ^_^
Reviewed By: Holly(Me Again!) On: March 04, 2006 22:54 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Sorry I Haven't Reviewed.Love The Story.Its Real Good.Keep Updating!
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Reviewed By: Catajin [MediaMiner Member] On: December 01, 2005 20:15 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Great job I like your plot keep up the good work kay?
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Reviewed By: pinksnowbunny101 [MediaMiner Member] On: October 15, 2005 17:56 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I hope you will write more soo.Inuyasha and Full Metal Alchemist is a good combination for a cross over.Hope you write more soon.
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Reviewed By: MH On: September 29, 2005 19:27 CDT
Comment/Review:
Sorry the edits I put in did NOT show up! I'll try again. A mission with fullmetalDiscaimer:Kougakola does not own fullmetal or Inuyasha ((break)) A young lady was walking down the hall in central. She had black hair with a blue tint. Her chocolate brown eyes where mesmerising. She had on a knee length denim skirt(Bad idea ; ) )and a white t-shirt.((break)) She walked toward the cornels office.((break between speakers as well)) "You called for me sir," she said with her very angelic voice. ((break)) "Yes, LT.Higrashi. Come in." Roy said. "I want you to acompany-or baby sit a state alchemeist on a mission.His name is Edward Elric. Good luck." She got up and left. ((break)) Train stasion Kagome's P.O.V I arrived at the stashion whating for Ed. Finally they arrived....caught sneaking on the train without me. ((break)) "Just where do you think your going Mr.Elric"I said nearly giving them a heart attack. ((break)) "I wasn't going anywhere" The alchemist pipsqueak said. ((break)) "Why don't we save the chat until we get on the train"I said annoyed. We got on the train. ((break)) Oh and "finnaly" is one n and two l's. Finally.
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Reviewed By: MH On: September 29, 2005 19:24 CDT
Comment/Review:
I haven't read the story yet, but you'll want to change the structure. Add paragraphs and spaces between your sentences. Also capitalizing at the beginning of each sentence would be helpful. A mission with fullmetalDiscaimer:Kougakola does not own fullmetal or Inuyasha A young lady was walking down the hall in central. She had black hair with a blue tint. Her chocolate brown eyes where mesmerising. She had on a knee length denim skirt(Bad idea ; ) )and a white t-shirt. She walked toward the cornels office. "You called for me sir," she said with her very angelic voice. "Yes, LT.Higrashi. Come in." Roy said. "I want you to acompany-or baby sit a state alchemeist on a mission.His name is Edward Elric. Good luck." She got up and left. Train stasion Kagome's P.O.V I arrived at the stashion whating for Ed. Finnaly they arrived....caught sneaking on the train without me. "Just where do you think your going Mr.Elric"I said nearly giving them a heart attack. "I wasn't going anywhere" The alchemist pipsqueak said. "Why don't we save the chat until we get on the train"I said annoyed. We got on the train. If you add breaks between, it will make your story much easier to read. Also "veary" is spelt very and "untill" only has one l. It's until. I understand the desire to get a story out quickly, but if you take a little more time to proofread your readers will be happier.
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