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| "Words" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Title: Thank you
Reviewed By: TMcCaine [MediaMiner Member] On: September 30, 2005 21:39 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thanks for the reviews, I appriciatet the feed back. It was my first submission and importing the word document was a bit of an experiment and now I know. However the gramatical adjustments are exactly what I need work on, so on the next submission I will adjust as suggested on the reviews. Thank you again.
| Title: FFRG review
Reviewed By: Kellen [MediaMiner Member] On: September 30, 2005 20:20 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thanks for submitting to the FFRG. You've done well with this piece. The emotional impact is well done. There are a few problems with it though. Your formatting is off; the paragraphs should be either indented or spaced. There are some grammatical errors, especially when tagging a speaker. (In one part you have a period and a new sentence where should only have a comma, and vice versa in another part of the story.) All in all, well done. Cheers, Kellen
| Title: FFRG Review
Reviewed By: hostilecrayon [MediaMiner Member] On: September 30, 2005 20:09 CDT
Comment/Review:
The very first thing I noticed about this story was that there are no spaces between paragraphs. Though it has nothing to do with the quality of the writing, it does detract from the piece, making it difficult to read. I really like the use of metaphor, giving the custody battle a much deeper feeling. It's raw with emotion. I see several grammatical errors that detract from the piece, but nothing that couldn't be fixed by a good beta. The diction is decent, though I feel you used the word blood too much, which could be replaced by a descrption of blood, instead of the word blood itself. For example, when describing her boots, you could supplement 'smeared with blood' with something like 'smeared with the crimson liquid of those who lie in her wake." I thoroughly enjoyed this piece and hope to see more submissions from you in the future. Thank you for submitting to FFRG.
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