Reviewed By: Neon Ronin [MediaMiner Member] On: October 19, 2005 14:57 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 4 of 10 Comment/Review:
For a teaser you really didn't give much to work with. I can understand the use of OOC behavior, but the detail was somewhat lacking- we aren't given any clue as to why Akane would just admit her feelings out of the blue. I did like the way you set up a minor cliffhanger with Ukyo walking in, but overall this story needs some work. More detail would be nice, and you need to watch your grammar. Make sure your sentences don't blur together as well. All in all, though, it has the makings of a decent story. One suggestion I might make- try reading other people's stories. I have, and it's helped me improve my own writing.
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