| "Help Me Feel No Pain" Reviews/Comments [ 5 ] |
Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: Chibi Halo [MediaMiner Member] On: November 29, 2005 23:51 CST
Comment/Review:
Thank you for submitting your work to FFARG. I commend you for submitting your first piece to be reviewed. You have a nice handle on your character and the chapter of nothing more than diving into who Kenshin is and how he thinks in regards to your overall story works here. I would suggest that you maybe add a bit more detail to the paragraphs and give your readers a brief look at where Kenshin is. Fans of the series may know that he's staying at Kaoru's house but it's still a good idead to describe where he is. When he wakes up from his sleep is he in the room he uses at the house or is he someplace else? You have a decent handle on your grammar and your point of view in check very well. I did, however, notice only one minor error in the chapter. When you wrote "He was thinking, of course, of Tomoe as thought this." you need to add a "he" before "thought." You have a promising story that can be made even better with a bit more detail and a second read through to find any missed words. Keep up the good work and thank you for submitting to FFARG.
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Reviewed By: Irish_dancing_elf On: November 09, 2005 14:41 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Great story! I love it. Please keep going.
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Reviewed By: kiki14 (not logged in) On: November 08, 2005 21:22 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really hope that you keep going with this story, it's good so far, I'd like to read what happens in the future.
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Reviewed By: Ohagi-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: November 04, 2005 21:04 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Another great chapter! Anyway, thanks for updating! I loved the chapter. So. . . Please continue! You're doing a great job! Until next time! Sayonara! - Ohagi-chan
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Reviewed By: Ohagi-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: October 30, 2005 22:29 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Great job for a first timer! I encourage you to continue! Please for this loyal fan's sake, continue! I'll read the next chapter as soon as it comes out! So, please continue, because I think you're doing a great job. Until next time! Sayonara! - Ohagi-chan
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