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| "InuYasha:Battle Of The Heavens" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Title: FRRG Review for
Reviewed By: MissMusicality [MediaMiner Member] On: January 02, 2006 23:29 CST
Comment/Review:
Thanks for your submission to FFRG! As we usually only do one chapter at a time, I reviewed The AntiChrist, as requested. Feel free to submit the rest of the chapters one at a time, according to the submission guidelines. You have a great amount of detail here, and I admire the way you have so many storylines happening at once. Well done on keeping that all organized. Working in the quotes was creative, and effective. Excellent job. The tone of the piece seems to flow, and the figures all seem in character. Great job. As for suggestions, my main one is this: Fix the grammar and punctuation mistakes. This is a very broad statement, so I'll try and narrow it down a bit. Your story would flow more smoothly if you went through and fixed the way you worded things. For example, when you make a comment, you go down and add the "she said's" and "he said's" in a completely different paragraph and sentence. This is incorrect, usually, and sometimes unneccesary. Sometimes you can get away without any "he said's" etc, at all! Also, some of your descriptions are worded incorrectly, and are also very wordy, making them hard to read, and slowing down the flow of your story. My best suggestion is to get a beta reader to read through them. If that isn't possible, at least find someone to go through and point out the mistakes that you make repeatedly, and have them help you fix them. This isn't possible in a review, but I've described the problems as best as I can. Great job, and good luck!
| Reviewed By: Masters of Rel. Ed. dropout On: December 26, 2005 01:53 CST
Comment/Review:
You have made an interesting combo of Christian fiction & the anime Inuyasha. Your Bible quotes seem to fit the story & your description of spiritual warfare is accurate. I doubt many of the fans have seen anything like this before.
| Reviewed By: luxurious [MediaMiner Member] On: October 30, 2005 15:20 CST
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
I really like your story so far. Sometimes I loose my track but It always seems to come together at the end. Please keep writing I would love to know what happens when kagome's cousin meets naraku. and I juat have one question. When they have dreams like kagome's cousin did in the prolouge...does the exact thing that happened in the dream come true or is it just signs of what to come? becuase Inuyasha and kagomes cousin never fought yet like in the dream. P.S. I really do love your story
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