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| "Love And Wishes" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Reviewed By: lil Rin On: August 25, 2006 09:46 CDT
Comment/Review:
Psychlone, I read your profile. I hope you really wanted a critic, because you just got one. First, it's spelled requires. Please fix your profile. Second, you misspelled your character names at the bottom of the first chapter. Kaede, Kouga, and Ayame would not be fond of you for that if they really existed. Third, referring to your second chapter, even if it's a nickname, if you are calling someone something it should be capitalized. Fourth, in chapter 3, you called Sesshoumaru "it". You need to focus on noun/pronoun matching. You also called Sesshoumaru's father a "she". I'm not even going to comment on THIS sentence. Read it yourself. "Then we will come to your aid, but we need some territory there, to give us an upper hand her in England!" Finally, you need to focus more on fleshing out your stories. It's fine for fanfictions to be written without as much description because we know what the characters look like and act like; however, you introduced a new character and an entire army and spent more time describing the relative strength of the dragon. Your time does not flow smoothly. It's as if it jerks about, going slower and faster at random without anything to separate it. Overall, it isn't bad for a fanfiction. The key thing to being an author is to love writing.
| Reviewed By: Ebn105 [MediaMiner Member] On: July 09, 2006 00:15 CDT
Comment/Review:
I liked this story, it was good. It was also really sweet, but what happened to Sesshoumaru?
| Reviewed By: DragonChic [MediaMiner Member] On: November 12, 2005 00:54 CST
Comment/Review:
are you going to leave it there are update it please please update it its to good to leave it there so please update this story please x~peace~x
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