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| "Alpha's Travels" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Title: FFRG Review
Reviewed By: MissMusicality [MediaMiner Member] On: January 03, 2006 00:22 CST
Comment/Review:
CHIBI! YAY, I'm finally reviewing one of your fics!! First off, great job! Your story is flowing nicely. Everything is moving nice and smoothly in this chapter. Really, there were only little tiny typos that I could see. ie: "When will she get her with the airplane." should be "here" not "her." And, I'm assuming it's "glass" in: "The plane was yellow with a two-person cockpit and a class canopy." Also, the comma in this is out of place: "Looking back at the woman, he called mother the male robot let out a small smile." And this sentence seems strange as well: "There was no male version of Kokone around for to be friends with Nai." Ah, but I normally don't nitpick. However, you said to look at grammar, so I tried my best. And your story is awesome, so that's really the only constructive thing I can do! Your joke with Nai works just fine, and your descriptions are wonderful. Flow is great, and overall so is your grammar and punctuation! Great job, Chibi! Thanks for the great read!
| Reviewed By: zaitcev [MediaMiner Member] On: December 13, 2005 00:24 CST
Comment/Review:
Chapter 5 is charming now that I saw it in full. But do not trust computer to check spelling ("class cockpit", "tale of airplane").
| Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: Pahhur [MediaMiner Member] On: December 04, 2005 19:09 CST
Comment/Review:
Good job, very nice on the emotions. I could tell what these two had between them from how you wrote it. However you did repeat the need to leave the familiar a little too often You may want to cut off one or two from the end. Aside from that I didn't spot any grammer problems, nor typos/spelling. Very nice Chibi!
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