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| "Normal to Reality" Reviews/Comments [ 12 ] | Reviewed By: Psycho_Z [MediaMiner Member] On: May 09, 2007 23:46 CDT
Comment/Review:
This is going to sound kind of harsh, considering how much of a big fan of your work I've been in the past, but I didn't care for this chapter at all. It was just frustrating. I liked the story better when it was a drama/romance/ghost thing. Sorry, dude, but reality bending isn't your forte. Character moments are your strenght and there just wasn't enough in this final chapter. Too much not-helpful exposition, not enough of the characters sitting and talking. By the end, I just didn't care what was real, what wasn't, and how all the puzzle pieces fit together. Your need to introduced new characters at random intevals was annoying as well, as the reader suddenly found themselves listening to people we don't know or care about jabber out some non-explanations. I understand your need to test yourself as a writer, but next time I think you should just stick to, well, reality, so to speak.
| Reviewed By: Ovrboost [MediaMiner Member] On: September 09, 2006 12:48 CDT
Comment/Review:
I love the story, despite being hard to read, and understand in places. The dialouge at the beginning was extremely hard to follow, but the point eventually got across. Maybe it's just me. I'm still struggling to place some of the snippets you threw in a chapter or so ago, and this thing has definatly took a turn for the wierd, but I like it. Lookin forward to the next one, I can't wait. ~Rob
| Reviewed By: Wynk On: June 02, 2006 23:51 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I am completely confused. Was the entire world a product of a drug trip, a flashback of Shinji's brief time as God where he created an alternate messed up world to live in, or a brain tumor? So many questions and no answers forthcoming. You frequently let loose streams of thought that sound fascinating but pander out like a river becoming trickle. Intentional or not, its fascinating and frustrating to realize that I doubt you have any intention of explaining what the heck is going on! I have a fond spot for this story and have learned to not ponder too deeply about the meaning behind it but merely enjoy the ride. CHeers.
| Reviewed By: Psycho Z On: June 02, 2006 21:56 CDT
Comment/Review:
I have no idea what the hell is going on. Really. What I thought was just a simple ghost/love story has evolved into something much more complex. I'm confused. I was uncertain if I liked this chapter not because it was confusing but because your style seems to have gotten away from you a bit. This chapter was difficult to understand because your writting style seemed... thicker? Is that the word? ...then usual. But the ending. Crap. That's a great friggin' ending. I have to know what happens next. How do you do that?
| Reviewed By: Psycho_Z who forgot to sign in On: April 30, 2006 21:49 CDT
Comment/Review:
I still have no idea where this story is going. I just know that you have me completely in your hands. I must know what happens next. What's wrong with Shinji? What is the connection between So/Kaworua and Mana? Why did Rei appear to Mihiro? What was up with the newspaper bit at the begining? I know the awnsers to none of these questions. I assume payoffs are coming. I feel this story is nearing it's conclusion. Something big is about to happen. I'm excited, in case you couldn't tell. Anyway, the interaction between Shinji and Mihori in this chapter was really good. I really liked the whole role-playing moment. That's pretty much the only part of this chapter that didn't cause questions to boil in my mind. You're very mysterious. You receive brownie points for the Tarrantino reference, the Pastaferina reference, and the references to earlier stories. (A certain Miss Buick wouldn't happen to be the High School Butcher mentioned in passing, would she?) Keep up the good work. Questions are good, after all.
| Reviewed By: Overboost On: March 21, 2006 07:45 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Pretty good. Definatly got my attention. The whole ghost Asuka/ Misato thing is great. I'm really looking forward to the next chapter. I read your In the Dark Room story, so when I saw your name on this one, I got interested. Still don't quite trust Mana... Anyways, good Scheiße. Please continue.
| Reviewed By: Psycho_Z [MediaMiner Member] On: March 19, 2006 01:03 CST
Comment/Review:
This is the best one yet. This chapter is just filled to the brim with great, great character moments, especially for Shinji. Hakari opening bit doesn't really relate to the rest of the story but it's still good. (Is So a ghost?) Shinji's moment in the bath and the following scene with Maya is particularly touching. Shinji is always looking for mother figures, you know? The whole thing with Shinji trying to figure out his relationship with other people, specifically the women in his life, is just great stuff. Mana coming out to Shinji at the apex of the rollar coaster is another fine moment. And the shocker at the end? Very classy. It reminds me a lot of Japanese ghost stories, of which this whole thing seems to be a bit of a homage too. I smell a big twist coming up too. So, yeah, this chapter rocked. Hard. So, I know you mentioned this being just six chapters or has it gotten longer? I wouldn't mind this going on for a while. Keep up the work.
| Reviewed By: Psycho_Z [MediaMiner Member] On: February 02, 2006 21:49 CST
Comment/Review:
Okay, you loose points for the Lord of the Rings reference, but I think "Kamakura" might be a Godzilla reference, so you win points for that... Anyway, on to the chapter. You're really good at creating moods. I've comminted before about your ability with creating moods of horror, but in the opening you sucessfully create a nice, warm, loving, couple-ly mood. I like the So character mainly because he reminds me of myself a little. Plus, some sex never hurts a story... Ah-hum, I don't know if such development for Mirohi is necessacery, but you do know where the plot is going and I don't. In short, the begining was really good, the middle was interesting but seemed kinda' hollow, and the end was confusing. Throwing around Hikari's family like that is a little befudiling. This chapter was obviously more concerned with characters then pushing along the whole ghost angle, and I actually cared more about the romantic angle this time, so, you've brought me around. Ha, good for you. This review is rambling, what I'm saying is that this chapter was a bit of a mixed bag, but it was more good then bad. I eagerly await chapter five.
| Reviewed By: Psycho_Z [MediaMiner Member] On: November 28, 2005 21:33 CST
Comment/Review:
Hmm, curious. The "Asuka attack" here seemed less effective then the one in chap. 2. The main purpose here was Shinji and Mana's interaction, which was very nicely done. I also liked Kensuke tearing Maya a new one. Looking foward to more, can't quite figure out where this one is going, which is good!
| Title: Chapter 3
Reviewed By: Psycho_Z [MediaMiner Member] On: November 20, 2005 00:08 CST
Comment/Review:
Well, that was cute. Mana and Maya's scheme to get Shinji alone was amusing, as was the cello lession. I never played the video game, so I'm not really familar with Mana, but she seems interesting. This chapter appears like more of a set-up for future events then anything else. The pieces are being set in place. Now just what is the puzzle? I gotta' say I'm more interested in the whole ghost-of-Asuka angle then the blooming romance angle, but that probabily doesn't surprise you. Looking foward to more.
| Reviewed By: Psycho_Z [MediaMiner Member] On: November 12, 2005 14:33 CST
Comment/Review:
Ha, you responed to my comment! He-he, cool! Anyway, as for this chapter, I will say this. You have a talent for writing subtely terrifying scenes of horror. The dream sequences in "In the Dark Room" is a good example. And the bathroom scene here is just as good as those where. This is very interesting, seems a ghost story and a love story are evolving at the same time. I bet it all has something to do with Shinji learning to conect with those around him? Anyway, keep up with the awesome work.
| Reviewed By: Psycho_Z [MediaMiner Member] On: November 06, 2005 21:14 CST
Comment/Review:
This is interesting. You like Maya, don't you? Opinion will evolve as the story does. I.E. keep writing.
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