Title: FFRG Review CH 1
Reviewed By: MissMusicality [MediaMiner Member] On: December 07, 2005 17:54 CST
Comment/Review:
Thank you for submitting your fic to FFRG to be reviewed! As we usually only review one chapter at a time, and so that you can get even more feedback for your other chapters, I am only going to review your first chapter. You can resubmit this fic, chapter by chapter, once per week, so that you can have a variety of reviews, if you like. Now, first chapter: First of all, you're doing a great job with description, Watch out for the tiny things, ex: in your first paragraph, "vein" should be vain. And in one of the next, "laying" should be lying. Or, "She flung the quiver for her bow over her shoulder as she rose, putting the tetsuiga around her waist as she rose." "She rose" was used twice in the same sentence. Or "tounge" should be spelled "tongue." "Your nothing like Kikyo" should be "You're nothing..." The little grammatical things, like those, should be altered. They are quite frequent throughout this chapter, sadly. Do a really good spell check, and read-through. If at all possible, get someone else to beta it at least once also. However, don't get discouraged. I don't mean to list so many flaws, I just feel that the chapter would be so much better if they were corrected. Yes, there are a lot of spelling and grammatical mistakes, but your story is still great. You have an interesting plot going, and great descriptions. Look hard at the technicalities, and it'll be fine! Best of luck, and thanks for the submission! It was an enjoyable read!
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