Reviewed By: hostilecrayon [MediaMiner Member] On: November 21, 2005 21:08 CST Comment/Review: That was incredibly sad. I kept out hope that maybe, he'd get Duo back, and then the last couple lines hit me, and I almost cried. I loved how you pulled in things like junk foods and incense, the little things that really made this so much better. Using the senses was a very good call in this. As for improvements, I'd suggest developing the beginning just a little more, to make Heero's reason for asking him to leave more solid. I noticed a couple of small things, like a missing word here and there, but it's nothing a good beta couldn't fix. Very lovely, painful story. Good work.
|