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| "Royal Request" Reviews/Comments [ 5 ] | Reviewed By: Dark ki (not login in. too lazy) On: June 08, 2006 11:08 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
normally i don't read X or Y's here becuase there mostly just sex scenes between the poeple. i liked the whole drama begining and the sex part wasn't long or overdone. this wasn't a pwp and i like that in this story. the whole culture diffences is a good touch too.
| Reviewed By: Matty-Kay (Queenie) On: February 26, 2006 21:06 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Good story, though i despise Vegeta.. keep up the good work sweetie
| Reviewed By: eshfemme [MediaMiner Member] On: February 25, 2006 18:25 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 1 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 1 of 10 Comment/Review:
Ok, I don't know if you're a teenager or something but the characterizations of Bulma and Yamcha are those of teenagers, which is not to be expected from people who are in their late 20s (if not early 30s). Sure, you could argue that they're young at heart and Yamcha has more of a case of immaturity in the canon character. However, I'm pretty sure that the reason Bulma is so attractive to Vegeta is because she's mature and she does NOT come off as mature at all. She comes off as an angsty teenager with the cliched self-mutilation, self-esteem issues and uncertainty of her own sexuality. I could only read through the first 2 chapters and frankly, it could be worse as I have seen and read far worse. But this is why I'm coming down so hard as it should be better. You have a relatively good grasp of English so you possess the potential for good storytelling. However, your plotting, characterization and overall handling of the story needs work. I suspect that you're too used to the obvious MTV cliches as it all reads like a teenage soap opera, which is mighty annoying because a teenage soap opera is really subpar compared to a real soap opera, which although can be pleasurable, still requires an extreme suspension of disbelief on the part of its willing audience. So, either set this in a more high school setting to fit the teenage characteristics you have imbued the characters with or just grow up enough to maturely portray these characters the way they realistically would be. And no, I'm not even talking about accurate portrayals of the way they would be-- I'm saying if you want them to be the ages that they're supposed to be, then write them that way. Realistically, adults can be immature but they're not immature the way teenagers can be. Teenagers are still rather simple in their immaturity although to themselves, they seem complex. Adults are complicated in their immaturity-- by their lack of communication or allusions. Observe some actual 30 year olds. That's part of being a good writer too-- writing characters beyond your limited scope of being. I think you need a good editor or beta and not just brainless cheerleaders here because right now, your writing is at the very amateur. Sorry but take it with a grain of salt and work harder. There won't be any free lunches from me.
| Title: Cool!
Reviewed By: Saiyazon [MediaMiner Member] On: November 26, 2005 22:19 CST
Comment/Review:
Nice take! Original on all counts I like it!
| Reviewed By: B On: November 19, 2005 10:04 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
In the beginning of the story Vegeta says something about mating with bulma, yet later on in the story Vegeta and Bulma have never mated before.
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