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| "The Moondiver Chronicles: Defiance" Reviews/Comments [ 5 ] | Reviewed By: haiku_amarante [MediaMiner Member] On: January 19, 2006 14:05 CST
Comment/Review:
I love that you're adding more detail, it's reached perfection now!! You should really get a user on www.fictionpress.com. I think I've told you that already, but...you should. Loved the revisions!!
| Reviewed By: haiku_amarante [MediaMiner Member] On: January 11, 2006 22:00 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Absolutely fantastic!! I have no criticisms for you at all, I just wanted to tell you that this is great and you should continue to write! I was so excited when I saw the email in my inbox that said you had updated!! I love this chapter, keep up the good work!
| Reviewed By: VendettaTheory [MediaMiner Member] On: December 26, 2005 15:37 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
I see you've used the 'lost family member quest' archtype for this story. I'm a little split on my feelings about this story. The pacing of this story moves very quickly, a little too quickly for my tastes. For example this girl has just left home to find her mother and a day later she's three days away from the bad guys fortress. Also on the romance between Katalyn and Krulin, they just met and they're already making puppy eyes at eachother, Prehaps that is just my cynicism but relativly no relationships work the way you've portrayed they do. Your characters are solid but not especially fleshed out. In places you seem to have forgone character development and setting input for the sake of getting us to the dialouge of the story. I think this is a mistake because when you do stop and elaborate (IE at the beginning when she's skipping stones) its helps your scene read nicer. You really do have talent at it! There was very little explaination of how the tribe worked and when and how they decided ones 'purpose'. I would have enjoyed a little background information. You seem knowledgable about the world you've made, but give us readers only tantalizing scraps of your imagination! I implore to take some time and polish this story up because I can see serious potential in it, truely, but a few flaws (some glaring, some not) are holding it back. Sorry if this was a little long/brutal, I look forward to seeing how this turns out. Keep it up!
| Reviewed By: Haiku Amarante On: December 08, 2005 22:23 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Ooh scary...that gave me goosebumps!! You had more detail, and that was great, so yay!!
| Reviewed By: haiku_amarante [MediaMiner Member] On: December 07, 2005 18:13 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I loved it! I can't believe nobody else has read it! Your characters were great, and it seems like you know all about this world that you've created. You could use more detail and background in the earlier chapters (just go back and add to what you've already got), but overall it was awesome! Just a suggestion too...if you want more reviews, my user on fanfiction.net gets a million reads. Fanfiction.net is affiliated with www.FictionPress.com, and you would probably get more reads if you were on a better-known site. Just a suggestion! Love your Story, and I'll keep up with it! ~Haiku Amarante~
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