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| "The King of Iron Fist Tournament 6" Reviews/Comments [ 4 ] | Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: Yuugi-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: January 05, 2006 16:34 CST
Comment/Review:
The Prologue doesn't really show me much here as it is mostly character profiles with you as the narration telling me what you thought when you created them. This really doesn't add much to the story as it did not grip my attention because it is not really part of the story. Try introducing your characters (old and new) gradually into the story instead of just telling the reader their profiles. Where you did have actual storyline, the sentences felt a bit choppy and bland. It felt more like the skeleton of the story without meat and muscle on it. Try describing in more detail so you are showing, not telling. All in all though, this piece of fiction does have potential, and having a fanfiction of a videogame can be difficult as most of the characters are only shown in the actual fighting and you can't tell much by their intro or ending movies (if it has them). I do commend you on taking that first step into the attempt of writing on videogames. That's not something very many people will do. Thank you for submitting to the FFARG!
| Reviewed By: Gai_13 [MediaMiner Member] On: December 19, 2005 17:55 CST
Comment/Review:
Cool story, you've made quite an epic here, a love how you described the fights, and I thought you did a great job with the characters' personalities. And I guess now I'll be the second man to write about Dragunov. Drat.
| Title: FFRG review Prologue
Reviewed By: Sari-15 [MediaMiner Member] On: December 12, 2005 23:21 CST
Comment/Review:
Hi, thanks for submitting to FFRG. This prologue seems to be a setup for the story to come--but I found myself noticing a big mistake that a lot of people who are new to writing don't think about much. I found it difficult to get into your story--since the prologue did not show me anything--you the author told me what was happening. You really need to get into your character's head and show the readers things through their eyes--not yours. Nothing is harder to read then a listing of characters--it's dry and boring. When you 'Show don't tell' you should be able to bring those characters traits without giving us a list of them. For instance, your main character is going to notice things about the other characters--such as the way someone's hair looks, the body size, etc. For instance--if it is the first time they are fighting and the opponent is HUGE...like 7'2"...your character WILL take note of that and react accordingly, right? Sprinkle little things like that throughout the scene...and that will bring the characters to life more and you won't just be telling us what the person looks like. Good luck, you have an interesting premise and I hope that helps you a little. Thanks for submitting to FFRG.
| Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: Pahhur [MediaMiner Member] On: December 12, 2005 18:40 CST
Comment/Review:
Wow... Prolouge and already serious problems. However making a plot out of a video game is hard and I applaude you for making one that looks interesting. The major problem I see lies in the grammer. You have a problem staying in the same tense, it would be smart of you to fix this. Otherwise the plot looks innovative if only slightly confusing.
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