| "The Obsessions (Part 1 The Obsessions of Love)" Reviews/Comments [ 21 ] |
| Pages (2): [ 1 2 > » ] |
Reviewed By: Wierdo On: June 07, 2003 14:31 CDT
Comment/Review:
Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here's not right today.
Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia's all I got left
I don't know what stressed me first
Or how the pressure was fed / but
I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head
It's like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
[And watches everything]
So I know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is hearing me / right underneath my skin
It's like I'm / paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a / whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I / can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin
I know I've got a face in me
points out all my mistakes to me
You've got a face on the inside too and
Your paranoia's probably worse
I don't know what set me off first but I know what I can't stand
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is
I can't add up to what you can but
Everybody has a face that they hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time they lie
A face that laughs every time they fall
[And watches everything]
So you know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is watching you too / right inside your skin
The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me |
Reviewed By: Wierdo On: June 07, 2003 14:16 CDT
Comment/Review:
It starts with
one thing/I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
keep that in mind/I designed this rhyme
to explain in due time
All I knoe
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
Its so unreal
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on/But didn't even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch it go
I kept everything inside and even tho I tried/It all fell apart
What it meant to me will evetually/be a memory/of a time when
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
And lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
One thing/i don't know why
Doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind/I designed this rhyme
To remind myself How
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Actin like I was a part of ur property
Remembering all the times you fought w/ me/I'm surprised
It got so (far)
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouln't even reconize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes bak to me
In the end
You kept evetyhing inside and even though I tried/it all fell apart
What it meant to me/will eventually/be a memory/of a time when I
Tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
And lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
Repeat 2x:
I put my trust in you
Pushed as far as i can go
For all this
Theres only one thing u should know
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
And lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter |
Reviewed By: Wierdo On: June 07, 2003 14:09 CDT
Comment/Review:
(Chorus)
From the top to the bottom
Bottom to top I stop
At the core I've forgotten
In the middle of my thoughts
Taken far from my safety
The picture is there
The memory won't escape me
But why should I care
There's a place so dark you can't see the end
(Skies cock back) and shock that which can't defend
The rain then sends dripping acidic questions
Forcefully, the power of suggestion
Then with the eyes tightly shut looking thought the rust and rotten dust
A spot of light floods the floor
And pours over the rusted world of pretend
The eyes ease open and its dark again
(Chorus)
(Bridge)
In the memory you'll find me
Eyes burning up
The darkness holding me tightly
Until the sun rises up
Moving all around
Screaming of the ups and downs
Pollution manifested in perpetual sound
The wheels go round and the sunset creeps past the
Street lamps, chain-link, and concrete
A little piece of paper with a picture drawn
Floats on down the street till the wind is gone
The memory now is like the picture was then
When the paper's crumpled up it can't be perfect again
Chorus
Bridge
Now you got me caught in the act
You bring the thought back
I'm telling you that
I see it right through you (7x)
Bridge (2x)
(all my reviews will be like this) |
Reviewed By: blondi On: June 06, 2003 16:29 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
it would be cool if you wrote more but this was a nice ending too |
Reviewed By: wierdo On: June 03, 2003 20:48 CDT
Comment/Review:
The sacrifice is never knowing, why I never walked away, why I played myself this way, now I see your testing me pushes me away, why I never walked away, why I played myself this way, now I see your testing me pushes me away, I致e tried, like you, to do everything you wanted to, this is the last time, I値l take the blame for the sake of being with you. |
Reviewed By: wierdo On: June 03, 2003 20:34 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 4 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 1 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 4 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
If I let them go I値l be out done, but if I try to catch them I値l be out run, if i知 killed by the questions like a cancer, than I値l be buried in the silence of the answer by myself, myself, I ask why, but in my mind I find, I can稚 rely on myself. (Linkin Park: By Myself) |
Reviewed By: AR2* On: March 18, 2003 15:07 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
THis was fun! Ididn't pay attention to the grammer, because it was such a joy to read. It perfect |
Reviewed By: Eve On: January 19, 2003 00:53 CST
Rating(s):Spelling & Grammar: 1 of 10
Comment/Review:
I could not really get past the first few paragraphs. Your spelling and grammar is very bad. You may not think it matters but it is extremely important, and it is one of the factors that sets apart an excellent fic from a bad fic. Now I am not saying that your fic is bad--like I said I couldn't get past the first few paragraphs. But things like grammar and spelling mean too much to me (not to mention it makes a fic easier to read) and I cannot sit through a fic where the author doesn't pay attention to simple rules such as punctuation and the like. Sorry, but maybe if you fixed that I'd read your fic. But I can't stand to at the moment. |
Reviewed By: i//U$i0n_2003 On: November 19, 2002 17:34 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
this is great..but just work on the spellin' k? but otherwise it still ROX!!! :D |
Reviewed By: Sheena On: October 01, 2002 05:51 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I did enjoy this fic but there were many spelling mistakes which irratated me as such when you put she instead of he and other problems. I was concerned and rather upset when their child died. lol I'm glad you could move me. Well keep up the writing as I'm interested in reading some of your works.
Thanks for the fic its fantastic. Oh I apoligize for the flames, I'm kinda a hard reviewer.
Well good luck for the future, Ta Ta :) |
Reviewed By: Akudara On: May 05, 2002 11:42 CDT
Comment/Review:
No offense, but I think the subtle art of punctuation has been lost on you. Just so you know, punctuation really enhances a story by emphasizing points, etc. It also makes a story a lot easier to read. I think sometimes your tenses get mixed up too, but hey, no one's perfect. I like where this story is going. I've only just started the first chapter and it sounds good. |
Reviewed By: cosmicvegeta [MediaMiner Member] On: February 26, 2002 07:22 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
That was a good ending for a good fic! Bye and hope you write more |
Reviewed By: Starheart [MediaMiner Member] On: February 24, 2002 20:11 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I hope that you can come up with the chapter soon, and keep it up. |
Reviewed By: cosmicgoku On: February 21, 2002 16:04 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Ohh, another cliffy. What will happen. Can't wait for the next chapter. bye |
Reviewed By: admirer On: February 20, 2002 15:06 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
If you don't write another chapter "I will beat you into a pulp."-Vegeta, After Saving Goku from Android #19 |
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