| "Heated Winter" Reviews/Comments [ 9 ] |
Title: Worst Lemon Ever
Reviewed By: YugureIko [MediaMiner Member] On: December 24, 2007 02:55 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 3 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 4 of 10 Comment/Review:
Ewww... You need to be way more descriptive. You jump ahead too quickly, and too easily far too much. I know when you're writing there's a point while composing a chapter where you really just wanna post your story, and there can be a tendency to want to rush through it in order to get it up. Trust me, I am guilty of rushing though my chapters also, but you really must take your time, and try to expand on every moment and action to make it as beautiful and descriptive as possible, especially in a lemony or romantic scene. With that kind of thing, you want to take your time, and ease the characters as well as your readers into it as slowly as you can without being totally boring. You really want to tease your readers with a lemon at every turn before moving on to the next action. Draw things out a bit. It makes it so much more enjoyable. Rushing through a chapter and making it extra short to get it posted sooner WILL NOT make your chapters enjoyable, at all. Even the ones without lemons should never be as short as the chapters in this story. For example, in my most recent story, I set myself a goal of writing at least 7 pages in Word Document. Sometimes it's difficult, especially if I only want so much of my story conveyed in that chapter, but trust me, if you do, say set a goal of 3 pages per chapter, you'll find that you force yourself to write more descriptively and eloquently. Just some friendly advice so you can do this story some justice!
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Reviewed By: westpimp [MediaMiner Member] On: June 07, 2007 20:42 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
cool
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Title: suga' hehehe
Reviewed By: shadowemilykurdi_88 [MediaMiner Member] On: February 01, 2007 20:55 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
lol baby.... WOW... you need to put weird dayz 2007 up here..... PLEASE?!?!?!?!?!
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Reviewed By: Crys Chaos [MediaMiner Member] On: January 21, 2007 10:15 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 3 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 4 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 2 of 10
Overall Rating: 4 of 10 Comment/Review:
Mh, I don't think it'S good, way too short chapters and everything is so damn rushed...
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Title: It's like condensed milk...
Reviewed By: juggalonojitsu [MediaMiner Member] On: November 27, 2006 18:29 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 4 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 3 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 3 of 10
Overall Rating: 2 of 10 Comment/Review:
*Whistles* It's every naru/hina fan's dream, but only five pages long...
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Reviewed By: GrayBear32 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 30, 2006 12:29 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 3 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 3 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 4 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
When you write a story you should go beyond SEE DICK RUN. SEE JANE RUN> SEE DICK AND JANE RUN. try to expand the contents of your story. A good sex scene is great but to have a chapter consist of a paragraph or two is pretty lacking in detail. If you included more information a more descriptive style this story could improve greatly.
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Reviewed By: Nami_wave_101 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 01, 2006 20:35 CST
Comment/Review:
Great so far but the love scene was rushed it still good please update soon!!
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Title: Me again
Reviewed By: vixypixy_no9 [MediaMiner Member] On: January 13, 2006 20:37 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
It's me again. I just wanted to let you know I'M F'ING ADDICTED! Although the naughty love scene was a bit rushed, I liked it. I have you as one of my fav authors. Please review my stories. p.s. I LOVE HINATA!!! ~vixypixy_no9
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Title: Ummm... Cool
Reviewed By: vixypixy_no9 [MediaMiner Member] On: January 02, 2006 14:26 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
You need a lot more detail to this story. It would make it a whoooole lot better. Especially the Neji attack thing...ya. Ex: 5-8 descriptive words per sentence depending on the topic. Take it from me, I have experience writing fanfics however,.... I am yet to post any. I'm just too damn lazy from eating to much leftover new years munchies. -_-* Oh well, anywho the story has the potential to be just awesome. I like the pairing too. ^-^ Keep updating!!!
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